Hanako's Story
by Trivun
Summary: A retelling of Hanako's arc, from her own point of view. An insight into Hanako's mind and heart, and a new look into the life of a unique and extraordinary soul...
1. Act 1, Chapter 1: Introductions

**Act 1 - Chapter One: Introductions**

Another day. It starts so simply, like any other, I wake, I wash, I dress. I meet Lilly. I go to class. The teacher, Mutou-sensei, starts his lectures, as always. I avoid the looks of the others in the class. I try to ignore Misha's constant voice in my ear. Since I sit at the back of the room it's not so tough, however loud she can be. But there seems to be something different about today. I can't quite guess what it could be, but soon I don't need to. Just as homeroom ends, Mutou makes an announcement.

"Something I should have mentioned earlier, I guess, but we have a new student joining us today. Should be here soon, so please, try and make him feel welcome."

A new student. Great. Someone else to avoid.

It's not long before he arrives. A young man, tall, with mousey brown hair. As Mutou introduces him, I notice that there doesn't seem to be anything outwardly wrong with him. That's not so surprising. Yamaku is home to so many, with all sorts of disabilities and issues. We have deaf students, like our class rep Shizune. Some, like Lilly, are blind. A girl in another class has a severe heart condition. With others, it's more obvious. Missing limbs, stunted growth. Me.

As I look, I notice the new student looking back at me. I cover my face with my hands. I suppose I've always been a bit self conscious. Hardly a shock given my... condition. As I try to hide, Mutou speaks up.

"...please welcome our newest classmate."

And I realise that I have barely paid attention to what he was saying. He claps his hands together, and dutifully I do too, as does everyone else in the room. Except for those that can't, of course. In response, the new student bows his head a little.

"So... I'm Hisao Nakai. My hobbies are reading and soccer. I hope to get along well with everyone even though I'm a new student."

He says nothing more. After a pause, Mutou continues talking, about everyone getting along, and I space out again, though I make an effort to at least look like I'm listening. At least things are better here than in my old life. It never consoles me much.

As he finishes, everyone starts to clap again. And again, I clap too. I suppose he's not so bad. I always try to avoid other students where possible, save for Lilly, but the teachers are much more understanding. It often throws me, since almost none of them have a condition like the students at Yamaku do. And adults could often be as cruel to me in my early years as the other children were. But I've never been shown anything but kindness from Mutou-sensei, or the other faculty. It's like a small ray of light in the darkness. I notice Mutou talking to the new student. Hisao Nakai. When he turns away he announces that there will be group work, that we are to form sets of three.

What I do next surprises no-one. It's my usual reaction to group work. I simply can't handle it, and there's a sort of... understanding between me and the school. As I quietly leave without a word, I glance at Mutou, who nods silently before turning his attention to the rest of the class. A few eyes follow me, but it's nothing new. I keep on top of my other work, and my grades are always at least average. As long as I can show that I'm still learning something, then nobody questions me.

Yamaku claims to not accept students with mental disabilities. They simply don't have the resources or staff to deal with those people. A missing leg is fine, but if you have Down's Syndrome then you're out of luck. But it's not entirely true. There is a line, of course. But in some cases you can't go through the experience that disables you without some emotional damage. Some instability. I'm hardly an exception to that rule. And allowances can be made.

I go to my usual place of retreat, where I can feel safe from the world outside. Yuuko nods in greeting and we make the usual quiet conversation that has become a feature of my visits. We never have a lot to talk about. I ask her about new books that she promised to order, and then head to the back of the library, where I settle down on my favourite cushion. I start reading the textbook from Mutou's class, so as to catch up on what I miss by being here. A mere chapter later, I put the book down and pick up a new one, that I had started just a few days before. It's an old classic by Mary Shelley, an English author, but translated into Japanese. The time seems to fly by, as I lose myself in the pages. I almost feel a sense of empathy with the creature in the story, misunderstood, but treated as a monster by the ignorant masses. Scared and alone. But as I read, I notice something. The villagers, the doctor, they're scared too. And in their fear, they lash out.

I've read through almost the entire book by the time the bell rings. With a start I am brought back to the physical world, and I remember that it's now lunch time. I put the book away and gather my things, saying a brief goodbye to Yuuko as I leave the library and make my way to the tea room, to meet Lilly.

* * *

Lunch is finally over. I make my way back to Mutou's classroom and return to my seat at the back of the room, avoiding everyone's eye. Not many people have returned anyway. As I sit down, I look up and notice someone else enter. It's the new boy, Hisao Nakai. As our eyes meet, I blush a little and try to look away, when another figure crashes in. Misha always has a tendency to be loud, something I learned long ago. When Lilly and Shizune still spoke without daggers in their eyes. All the excitement is too much for me, and I sink further into my seat, making every effort to become invisible. How easier life would be if I could really do that! Misha and Shizune walk past me to their own seats, and I simply sit still as a rock, my nerves tense. In the corner of my eye I notice Hisao looking at me with a curious look on his face. Slowly, the room fills, Mutou arrives, and classes begin again.

* * *

A new day. Classes begin, same as always. More group work. I get up and quietly leave, with Mutou's silent blessing. This time,however, I can feel a new pair of eyes on me, watching me leave. I take the opportunity as I reach the door to glance sideways. I see Hisao looking at me with concern. He doesn't seem to notice me looking back. I wonder what he makes of my disappearances during class? He hasn't been at Yamaku long enough to realise it's a normal habit for me. I open the door, step out into the corridor, and make my way to the library.

A crashing sound startles me and wakes me from my reverie. It's been some time since I last looked at a clock, but the windows show the sun appears to be setting. I look around but see nothing that could have caused such a sound. Perhaps Yuuko just banged her head again – common enough with her clumsiness. I look back at the book I'm reading. I finished the Shelley book early on and soon moved on to a new topic, my interests ever changing as new reading material presents itself to me.

Going back to my reading, I hear footsteps. These aren't the footsteps of Yuuko, but rather a louder, heavier sound, more fitting of a tall male than the petite librarian. I realise that hearing people in the library is a rarity. Aside from the library staff the only people to come here regularly are myself and Lilly. Instinctively I raise the book to my face, hiding myself away while continuing to read. Over the top of the book, however, my eyes are still able to peek out and see who else is here.

Of course. The new boy, Hisao. I begin to shy away, sinking further into the beanbag cushion and keeping as much of my face hidden as possible. My eyes dart between the book and the newcomer, unable to focus on one or the other. I try to ignore him and continue reading but it proves impossible to avoid his gaze. He sits down on another beanbag, setting down a pile of books he has clearly picked from the stacks. His eyes meet mine, before they flick away to the book covering most of my face. I am unable to feel insulted, since my embarrassment far outweighs any injury I could feel at his actions.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

His voice cuts across and tries to calm me down, a soothing sound almost tailor-made to put me at ease. The best I can do is stammer a quiet whispered response.

"It... it's okay."

"So, um... do you mind if I sit here?" He replies. To be perfectly honest, I don't know. I can hardly lay claim to the beanbags, or the library, but nevertheless I feel as though I would be unable to withstand such an attack, however unintended, on my own private space. He seems genuinely sorry to disturb me, though, and the look of concern in his eyes is enough to disarm me. I nod gently and say, "Oh... okay."

Hisao sits next to me and I bury my head once more in the book. As I try to concentrate, his voice resonates once more in my ears.

"Life of Pi... never heard of it." A pause. "So, errr... sorry again for startling you. I'm Hisao."

I already know this, of course. He introduced himself to the class, after all. Even so, I hesitate before replying.

"I... know. We... are in the same... same class." I can barely speak, so nervous and timid as I am. But Hisao is making an effort to be nice. It's more than anyone has ever done for me since I met Lilly and her sister. The least I can do is make an effort in return. "H-H-Hanako. I'm... Hanako."

The conversation stalls again. It's as though neither of us knows what to say. I know I don't. The silence is broken once again by Hisao.

"Don't let me interrupt your reading. I'll... just check these books, if you don't mind."

His voice sounds so uneasy. I nod, relieved, and sigh just a little. Silence falls once more, but I can't concentrate. My gaze flickers from the book to Hisao to the stacks to anywhere else. Like a deer caught in headlights. I feel as though just being here is uncomfortable for us both. Every time I see Hisao, his eyes are drawn to me, to my scars. It's unbearable. It isn't long before our eyes meet again.

I stand up, as if our eyes had caused an electric shock to run through me. I take a deep breath.

"I... I..." I stammer. Hisao responds with the same short sound. Then it comes rushing out of me, in a single breath.

"I'vegottogodosomething!"

I can't take it. The pressure, the nerves, the awkward silences. Hisao noticing my scars. As soon as the words leave my lips I run, reaching the counter and fleeing past Yuuko and Lilly, out of the library and away. As I leave I notice that Hisao has followed, much too late, and looking back in the corridor I see he hasn't followed far. He hasn't even left the library. I'm glad of that. I couldn't face seeing him again after what just happened. I slow down, walking to the tea room. As I reach the door, Lilly appears in the corridor behind me. She must have left to find me after I ran. She can't see me, of course, so maybe she assumed I would come to the tea room, the closest place where I can feel safe. I wait until she gets closer, then gently call her name. "Lilly!"

"Hanako? Is that you?"

"Yes," I reply. My voice is weak and soft, as always, but there can be no mistaking me for anyone else at this point. Since it's so late, most students are in their dorm rooms, or club meetings, so chances are Lilly and I are among the only students still roaming the hallways.

"Hanako, is everything alright? What happened just now?"

"It's fine," I tell her. "Everything is okay. I just... just panicked a little."

"Why? Did something happen to you?"

"N... no. I'm just... not used to people being in... in the library."

I know my words sound false. But it's the truth. I go there for books, yes, but also because it's a quiet place to hide away. Sometimes I've wondered if my behaviour could be considered... healthy. My experiences and the trauma were enough reason for Yamaku Academy to request a therapist see me at weekends, to help me work through it all. But it hasn't helped much at all. Still, it's not as though I have no friends. I have Lilly, and Akira. And Yuuko. Even if I do keep them rather distant at times.

Lilly doesn't appear to be too happy with my explanation, though she knows I really do mean it. Nevertheless she decides not to push the topic. We go into the room and drink tea, and talk about various things. Classes, Akira's work, the school festival. I realise that I left my school bag at the library, in the rush to escape, so Lilly convinces me to return for it. I dread seeing Hisao again, but thankfully he seems to have left, so I am able to retrieve my bag without incident. I say goodbye properly to Yuuko, and head back to my dorm room with Lilly.


	2. Act 1, Chapter 2: A Little Crash

**Act 1 – Chapter Two: A Little Crash**

The next day, I'm worried enough about seeing Hisao in class that I put off getting up for another ten minutes. Unfortunately, this is enough to make me late. No matter. Mutou-sensei is understanding enough of my circumstances to grant me leeway even on tardiness, so nothing is said when I turn up ten minutes late to class. As I take my seat I notice Hisao looking at me, the only one in the room to even bother, but despite my embarrassment I keep my nerve, and maintain a stoic expression until I sit down. No sooner have I done so than Mutou tells the class we are to be working in groups once again. Normally this would be my chance to leave, but I look across at the teacher and catch his eye. He gives me a brief nod, but even so I feel it would be a waste of time to just go now, so I remain. Instead of working with a group I can simply attempt the assigned problems by myself.

I do look up on occasion though, to see how everyone else is doing. People's reactions give me a clue on how hard the work may be. Some are sitting with their heads down, deep in thought, but across the row from me one boy looks prepared to throw his pen in frustration, while another pair at the front corner of the class are simply staring at the wall, doodling absent-mindedly, as though they can't be bothered to even attempt the problems. As I observe people, I overhear snippets of a conversation between Hisao and Misha. That is to say, I hear snippets of Hisao, since Misha's every word can likely be heard from the very next room. Hisao seems concerned for me, wondering why I so often work alone, or leave at the very mention of group tasks. I am genuinely unsure whether to be flattered that he would care despite not knowing me at all, or if I should feel hurt that he would wish me treated as a fragile package to be nurtured by those around her. Misha's response is as I expected it to be. She seems to be telling Hisao why I can't work with her or Shizune, but she isn't giving him the full details. I suppose it really comes down to Lilly and Shizune. Which would make me guilty by association, though guilty of what I can never tell.

By the time the bell rings for lunch I have finished my work, and begin to review my notes from the previous class. There's not much for me to catch up on, since I tend to work in the evenings to make up for the time I spend outside the classroom. Everyone else begins talking, taking out lunchboxes, rearranging desks, and generally acting rather loud. I ignore them, and they ignore me. Except for one person. I notice Hisao watching me, and suddenly I can no longer concentrate. As he watches I find myself unable to even turn a single page. It doesn't matter though, since soon Lilly will arrive. Before she does, however, Hisao walks up to me.

I freeze, worried about what he will say. I make no sign that I have noticed him, but still he speaks to me.

"Um, hey there, Hanako."

I look up at him and see him smiling, very nervously. I still feel nervous, but am able to unfreeze long enough to reply, "H... Hisao?"

"Hey... I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. I didn't mean to startle you or anything. I'm just new here and thought I should get to know my classmates."

His words are enough to make me smile. I can understand how he feels, but unlike him I have never had the urge to get to know everyone. Openness among people is all well and good, but in return for baring themselves, others expect to know more about you as well. I simply couldn't face it. Hisao's naïve innocence is charming though.

I notice him looking at my scars again, but this time I can't feel any fear. Hisao strikes me as someone who genuinely doesn't care about my deformity. He can't help but notice, and can't help but stare, but that's the same reaction I get from everybody. He's different to others, though, in that my scars don't repulse him. He looks at them and doesn't recoil in horror, doesn't turn away or treat me badly because of how I look. He doesn't stare. Instead he seems to treat them as a point of interest, but nothing to get worked up about. It's hard to describe, but with Hisao I don't feel as nervous as I did before. What I've seen, and what I feel I noticed when he wasn't aware, suggests to me that he isn't so shallow as to judge me based on my scars. It makes me happy, but to be honest, it also scares me a little.

"T... that's okay. It... it was my fault," I stammer.

"Nah, that wasn't anyone's 'fault', it just kind of happened." Hisao doesn't blame me. I wish I could feel the same way. After everything I almost feel embarrassed at myself, so it feels odd that Hisao can just ignore what happened in the library and move on so easily. It's another way we're different, I guess. I have a hard time moving on from things. Evidently, he doesn't.

"So, are you waiting for someone?" Hisao asks. "I saw you looking at the door before..."

"Y... yes. Lilly."

"Oh, you mean Lilly the blind girl?" Hisao's response jars me. Maybe I was quick to judge him as being so lenient, given the way he describes Lilly. I nod in reply, annoyed at the way he so casually commented on my friend's condition. But then again, he did treat me kindly despite my appearance. It is hard coming here at first, something everyone at Yamaku can surely agree with. Since everyone has some sort of disability, and most of us don't come from places where such traits are considered normal, it is very easy to slip into the habit of referring to people by their condition. I was never able to get over that, in all my self-consciousness. Being new, maybe I can cut Hisao some slack.

Perhaps he realised his faux pas, as he continues. "She seems like a nice girl. Are you two friends?"

I accept the unspoken apology on Lilly's behalf, and reply, "Y... yes." I begin to feel the same sense of nervousness I felt in the library yesterday. The conversation is getting somewhat awkward, and frankly I start to feel naked to his words. While on the one hand I am happy to be talking to Hisao, without any open prejudice on his part, I also feel uncomfortable being alone. I could use some support, and instinctively I look over my shoulder to the door to see if Lilly has arrived yet.

Clearly Hisao noticed my rather obvious reaction. "I hope I'm not disturbing you right now..."

"N... no, that's not it," I comment. "It's just easier if Lilly doesn't come here..." I know that Hisao won't be satisfied with that answer, but like my words to Lilly last night, they are no less true, for all the relevance (or lack of) to the conversation. I know how Shizune is likely to react to Lilly's presence, and if possible I'd rather not be caught up in that. Before I can explain, however, Hisao comes up with his own conclusion.

"Oh, because it's hard to get around the classroom?"

"Not... really." I look across at Shizune, hoping that Hisao will get the point. It's not my place to tell him for definite the nature of Shizune's and Lilly's feud, but I consider that his conversation with Misha earlier may have given at least a hint of the situation between them.

"Shizune?" he queries. I nod in reply. "What about her? Don't they get along?" I shake my head. With any luck he'll realise that I can't talk about it. It's not that I don't want to, but rather, I can't really make any sort of comment on it. It's not my business, after all. Fortunately, Hisao seems to recognise this, and moves on from the topic. He even notices the door open before I do.

"Oh, she's here now."

I quickly turn and see Lilly at the front of the classroom. Glad to finally be able to leave without causing offence, I walk across to her. I don't mean that I don't want to continue speaking with Hisao. It's nice that he's making some effort, and it's nice that I can actually talk to someone other than Lilly or Yuuko for once. But I have my limits, and there seems to be so very little that I can talk about these days. Ever since the incident, I've not been much of a conversationalist.

"Lilly..." I say to her.

"Ah, Hanako. Good morning. Is the president here?" It's clear who she's referring to, something even Hisao can easily pick up on.

"Y... yes." I glance across once more at Shizune, even though I'm aware Lilly can't see me do so. It's more for Hisao's benefit than hers, though. Lilly seems eager to be off, in any case. The sooner we leave, the less chance of a confrontation. I've seen them argue in the past, with Misha acting as an unwilling conduit. It's never a pretty sight. They clash enough during official business, what with Lilly being her class representative and Shizune being student council president. With the festival coming up, there's likely to be more reason for them to butt heads, and as far as I'm concerned we're all better off out of it.

Apparently Lilly feels the same. "I suppose we'd best be off, then," she says, with a sigh and a raised eyebrow that aren't lost on Hisao. He looks across at Shizune again, then back to Lilly, but to my relief he doesn't press the subject. I wonder what he thinks of the situation? Every school has its cliques and groups, after all. I'd imagine things were much the same at his previous school, but it's not something a newcomer would expect at Yamaku. It threw me a little too when I first arrived, but I've since had time to grow used to it. Of course, I wouldn't be counted as part of any such clique. Perhaps Lilly and myself could be considered one all on our own.

"Hey, Lilly," says Hisao. "How are things? I'm sorry I made you run off yesterday." Of course, Lilly and Hisao must have spoken after I fled the library the previous evening. She would have no doubt asked him what had happened before trying to find me. It's only when Lilly replies that I remember she had no way of knowing he was here as well.

"Oh my, is that Hisao? I didn't realize you were here..." She looks slightly embarrassed. It's not often I do this, but I feel almost obliged to come to her rescue. Usually it's the other way around.

"S-sorry Lilly. I thought you realized..."

Even then, she recovers quickly. "No, it's alright, Hanako. Hisao, please don't worry about yesterday. It was just a misunderstanding."

Hisao seems almost unsure of himself with this. As though he's been caught flat-footed in the discussion. "If... you say so. I'm still working this place out."

"Well then, I think you'll find most people here a lot more forgiving than elsewhere." It's the same thing Lilly has said to me so often, but I've never been quite able to take her words on board. Again, I think of cliques and groups within Yamaku, and how out-of-place I am with any of them. "If you are feeling a little confused, please don't be afraid to ask questions."

"Sure. I'll remember that." Hisao, on the other hand, follows her meaning easily.

"Um... Lilly..." As fascinating as all this interaction is, I still feel uneasy around everyone else, and in the corner of my eye I notice Shizune surreptitiously glancing every few seconds. It's simply a matter of time before she finds some excuse to come over and drag Misha along for yet another verbal spar.

Lilly nods, recognising my voice and meaning even if she can't see what I see. "I'm sorry Hisao," she says, "but we must be off." Even I can see she hasn't fully recovered from Hisao bringing up the events of yesterday, and my own discomfort must be obvious to anyone looking. But Hisao clearly doesn't want to be on his own with Shizune and Misha – something I can certainly understand.

"Mind if I accompany you two?" I'm not entirely sure what to think, so I look across to Lilly. A hint of a smile is present on her lips, a slight humming sound escaping her mouth.

"I'm sure that we could accommodate you, can't we, Hanako?"

Damn her. Leaving the decision down to me. I know that she's doing this for a very good reason, attempting to give me more self-assertion and confidence. But I know that my problem isn't a lack of confidence in general. Rather, I feel almost resentful at times, of the way I appear to everyone else. How they change their own behaviour to accommodate me. It isn't enough that they see me as different, they have to draw attention to that fact without even meaning to, and it doesn't help me in dealing with the issues that surround my own self. Nevertheless, I'm in that scenario now, having to make this choice. Hisao seems like a good person, and everything he's done so far screams of effort and a genuine attempt to see me as someone normal. In the end, the chance to actually make a friend, unconditionally, wins out over my usual fears and worries.

"S... sure."

Lilly smiles at me, almost as if I'd passed some kind of test. Knowing her, perhaps it was. A test of my own ability to make an important decision. A test of confidence. If only she could move on and let me show my true self without needing these silly games. But Lilly will always be Lilly.

"Well then," she says, "shall we go?"

I still have a look on my face, like a rabbit caught in headlights, but there's no way Lilly could pick up on that without either myself or Hisao saying anything. He doesn't, and I certainly won't, so the matter is settled. We quickly leave, before Shizune can accost us. I see her watching us as we pass through the open doorway, but she makes no attempt to stop us. A narrow escape, it seems.

Lilly takes her usual position in the corridor, walking by the wall so her cane can tap against it and alert her to her rough position. I still feel uneasy, enough that I find myself unconsciously staying close to Lilly, almost hugging her as we walk. It would be easy for her to make comment, but she says nothing. Turning the corner, I suddenly witness a pink blob speeding towards us. Before I can focus, the blur of colour hit Hisao with full force, knocking him to the ground.

"Ouch," I hear from the floor. It's not certain who said it, but I let out a small high-pitched scream before I can fully observe the scene before me.

Emi. Of course. Dressed in her track kit, I've seen her cause more than a few accidents inside Yamaku's hallways, to the point that it's a small miracle no-one has ever been seriously hurt. Looking at Hisao, though, he seems to be breathing much more rapidly. He stares for a few seconds at her running blades, thrown by her speed despite her lack of legs – most people have the same reaction (I certainly did, the first time I saw her run). As Emi begins gets up, Hisao winces a little, still on the floor. It looks like he's in pain. Before I can say anything, though I'm unsure of what to say exactly, Emi starts to speak.

"Aw, man... hey, are you alright? I'm sorry about that, really! I wasn't looking where I was going, and you just came out of nowhere. Sorry... sorry!"

Emi has a way of speaking that borders on hyperactive. She's the complete opposite of me, feisty and bubbly, with a fondness for life that makes her an instant joy to be around. I've never quite been able to talk to her much, but in conversation she usually makes up for that with few problems. I certainly like her, to be sure, but we could never really be friends. We're just too different. She is nice though, and she seems truly apologetic. The look on her face is almost like a puppy dog, eyes wide and a slight frown gently marring her features. Apparently Hisao has already picked up on that.

"It's okay, don't worry about it... ouch..."

I'm not the only one to have noticed Hisao is hurting. Lilly is puzzled, wondering why I stopped so suddenly, unsure of what is going on. She hasn't quite put two and two together based on what she heard yet. But Emi's puppy dog look has been replaced by one of concern, turning more serious when Hisao rubs his chest and frowns.

"Hey, should I get a nurse?" Her voice has risen to an even higher pitch than usual, which is quite an achievement. Hisao stares at her for a few seconds before replying. I also stare, but at Hisao, who rubs his chest again. I can't speak, though I'm as worried as Emi. Upon witnessing how serious things could be, I have simply frozen out of fear. I still have no idea what Hisao's problem could be that brought him to Yamaku, but seeing the way his hand is touching his chest and the pain he is clearly in gives me a few ideas.

"Err... no need, I'm fine", he says, downplaying the problem. He pulls himself to a sitting position, feeling his chest again, and sighs. Emi echoes my own concern.

"You sure you're okay? I hit you pretty hard."

"It's okay," comes the reply. "I said I was fine, and nothing's broken. No harm done."

Emi seems convinced, but I'm not. Hisao has to have some reason for being here, and there's nothing outwardly wrong with him. Clearly his problem is something to do with his chest, which would mean he isn't alright, not by a long shot. But I find myself unable to say anything.

"That's good!" Emi is relieved at Hisao's apparent sudden recovery. "I was..."

Before Emi can finish speaking, Lilly has finally realized something is wrong. "Hisao, what happened?"

"Someone just bumped into me, nothing serious. Just winded." I feel somewhat annoyed at his determination to deny anything is the matter.

"Er, sorry," says Emi, returning to the previous puppy dog look. "I was just going to get some stuff, and I was in kind of a hurry."

Lilly recognises the voice. "That 'someone' here is Emi, isn't it?" Emi coughs and looks rather sheepish.

"Hi, Lilly, Hanako."

"Do please try to be more careful," Lilly tells her. "You might be sturdy enough to endure these sorts of accidents, but there are people who aren't."

A big understatement at this school. Especially given the figure still sitting on the ground in front of me. By this point I feel almost ready to speak again, but with Lilly giving Emi the usual lecture there's not much call for me to interject. Emi blushes a little and starts to fidget, embarrassed at what has happened. I look at Hisao to see if he's alright now, and notice a smile on his face as he watches Emi's reaction to Lilly's stern telling-off.

"I know that! I – I, um, I was just... Aaah! I gotta go! Teacher'll have my head, I promised to help with printouts but I went running instead! Sorry, but I've gotta change and everything!"

Emi starts to babble again at high speed, running off at a speed not so much slower than her previous blob-like state. I look to see Lilly's reaction, but of course she can't see. She does frown, however, noticing how quickly Emi's voice fades away down the corridor. Hisao is still on the floor, but pulls himself to his feet.

"Does that kind of thing happen often around here?"

Lilly takes the stand on this one. "There are more rules in Yamaku than usual for running in corridors... but that rarely stops Emi, it seems." She shakes her head briefly, but there is a clear smile on her face. I'm sure Hisao doesn't need to be told why the rules are so strict for running here. But again, Emi doesn't seem to be one to follow them in general. This is hardly her first offence, after all. "I don't think there's anything we can do to stop her, I'm afraid. Shall we be off, then?"

Lilly continues walking, back the way we were originally headed, and I follow behind her. Hisao pauses briefly, but soon hurries in my wake. We reach the tea room with no further incident.


	3. Act 1, Chapter 3: Debate & Confrontation

**Act 1 – Chapter Three: Debate and Confrontation**

As we sit down in the tea room, Lilly and I begin the process of making lunch. I had only expected there to be two of us, so some adjustments are required in the amount everyone has to eat, but this is of little concern as Lilly starts to make the tea. I get out the lunchboxes we had previously packed, setting out food for three.

"So," Hisao asks, "is this what you meant by coming here almost every day?"

"Yes, Hanako and I usually have lunch here." Lilly replies. "It suits both of us, so we ended up using this room regularly."

Hisao looks briefly towards me, and I can guess what must be going through his mind. It's much easier for me to eat here than in the cafeteria, surrounded by people. And Lilly is always beset with issues and matters relating to being a student rep – it gives her a much-needed break being away from everyone else. I have no such requirements of her time, so eating together gives us both a rest. Hisao sits down after the tea has been poured, taking the seat next to mine. I almost shy away at his closeness, but just about keep myself in check. I have the chance to make a new friend here, and showing my potential weakness will help no-one. I want them to see me as a strong individual, after all, and flinching at someone simply sitting by me will hardly do anything to aid that. I try to relax, smile slightly at Hisao, and start to eat.

Lilly is the first to break the silence. "So, how are you faring in Yamaku, Hisao? You seemed a bit flustered before."

What a way for her to avoid the topic of her own embarrassment from earlier. With not noticing Hisao and with her failing to realise sooner what had happened during the incident with Emi, Lilly is still feeling rather uncertain of herself. Definitely not like her. Bringing up Hisao's own uncertainty is a great way for her to deflect attention from herself, while also getting a chance to learn more about the newcomer and make him more at ease in Yamaku itself. Hisao takes in stride regardless.

"Apart from getting lost every now and again, and being crash-tackled outside my classroom? Fine, I guess..."

I can't help but speak up here. I do still worry about Hisao after being nearly knocked out by the speeding bullet that is Emi. "You... you looked pretty hurt before. Are you really... okay?"

Something flickers on Hisao's face for the briefest of moments, before it returns to a normal expression once more. It's enough to confirm for me that something is wrong, or was wrong at any rate, and that his condition has something to do with it. He refrains from giving details though, refusing to say exactly what his condition is.

"Yeah, it's nothing. I was just a bit startled."

I certainly don't believe it. I steal a look at Lilly, and she doesn't seem to agree either. Neither of us are stupid. We know when someone isn't being completely straight with us. But I don't want to drive Hisao to tell us something he clearly doesn't want to discuss - I can sympathise with him enough there. Lilly, too, chooses not to push the subject. There's too much pain down that road. Everyone here has their own tale to tell, whether it be something like my own story, or simply mundane – Lilly's blindness from birth, for example. Whether we choose to tell our tales is something for each individual to decide. Privacy is paramount here at Yamaku.

"So, uh..." Hisao starts. "How long have you been in this school? You both seem to know your way around pretty well."

"Hmm... well, I've been here since the start of high school, but only moved into the dormitories a year ago." Lilly would have started here early, of course, since her blindness wasn't a recent thing. Anything to make life a little bit easier. "Hanako joined at the start of high school as well, and moved to the dormitories when she did, if memory serves me right."

"That's right," I confirm. "Since... high school." It would have been too difficult for me to spend even the smallest amount of time in a regular high school. Too many questions, too many people staring. Too much abuse.

Hisao continues the conversation, clearly curious to know more about us. "So you've known each other since then?"

"Since I moved, yes," says Lilly. "Hanako lives next door to me, so it's only natural, right?"

She looks at me to confirm what she is saying. "R-right."

"Yeah, of course," Hisao says. That isn't the full story, and Hisao looks at me as if to say he knows the real reason. Lilly wasn't the first person to take a room next to me, but the others weren't blind. They could still see my scars. And I could still see the distance they kept.

The conversation ends rather abruptly. There's not really much more to talk about at this point. We continue eating in silence.

* * *

The bell sounds for the end of lunch, and Lilly and I clear away our lunches.

"I guess we'd better be off," Lilly says. "Are you going to go with Hisao, Hanako?"

My first reaction is to say no. I may not mind Hisao's company so much, but being alone with him on the walk to Mutou-sensei's class is too much for me right now. Too much awkwardness. I even think of perhaps skipping this class to avoid walking with Hisao. But that wouldn't benefit anyone, and the slight hint of a smile on Lilly's face is enough to convince me otherwise. I voice my consent in a small voice.

"Y-yes."

Hisao has a hint of concern in his voice, but I feel compelled to brush it aside. I've made my decision. "We should hurry then. Class has already started by the sound of it." We leave together quickly, and say our goodbyes to Lilly as she nods towards us, reaching down for her cane. She hurries after us though, and turns to Hisao to speak before entering her own classroom.

"Hisao, thank you for sharing lunch with us today."

"My pleasure, Lilly," he replies. With the formalities over, Lilly disappears into her class, leaving Hisao and I standing together in the corridor. I still feel nervous, and reconsider the idea of skipping to spend an afternoon in the library.

Apparently Hisao has picked up on that. "So, do you really want to go back to class now?"

I have to stay strong! I have to maintain my resolve. "Y-yes."

"Okay then," Hisao says. There is another awkward silence. Eager to avoid any further discussion, he opens the rear door of the classroom. I follow him into the room to see Mutou-sensei looking at Hisao with the start of a lecture on his lips. However, the instant he sees me, whatever he was about to say is lost, and he keeps quiet while nodding at us both. I wonder what could be going through his mind right now? Or through the minds of our fellow classmates. Hisao looks back at me, but doesn't say a word. His eyes flicker toward the desks where Shizune and Misha usually sit. They're empty. Yet Mutou doesn't seem to have any objection there, either. At least, none that has been so far articulated. The class continues. I sit down and try to work as much as possible.

* * *

The next day is routine as always. I wake, I wash, I dress, I head to class. What follows isn't quite as routine, however. I am about to enter Mutou's classroom, early for once, when I hear raised voices. I didn't plan to be quite so early, but I already owed Mutou-sensei some work, and if I handed it in with enough time to spare I could always spend the first period in the library again. The voices are familiar. One in particular.

"Today! The deadline is today! You're certainly taking your time, aren't you..."

Misha, of course. I decide to listen for a short while, though half of what is being said is just about inaudible to my ears through the door. Clearly Lilly's managed to catch Misha, and Shizune, at the wrong time, and is now paying the price for it. I'm somewhat surprised though, not to mention intrigued, to hear another voice.

"Hey, Shizune, aren't you being a little too hard on her? There's still a whole day left."

I didn't expect to hear Hisao's voice crop up here, but it takes a back seat in my mind. As I listen I hear the conversation devolve into a full-on confrontation between Lilly and Shizune. With Misha's voice, of course. I've grown rather good at reading between Misha's lines, even when I can't actually see her as she talks. Or yells. It sounds like Lilly is becoming more agitated, while Shizune is thriving in the atmosphere that no doubt permeates the room. I can just imagine the grin spread across Shizune's face, that Lilly can't see. It makes me angry on Lilly's behalf, but I know better than to go in and join the conflict. Much better to sit this one out.

"Are you accusing me of slacking off?" says Misha, on Shizune's behalf. "It seems like you're confusing me with yourself..."

"I don't think so," comes the reply. "That would be a very difficult thing for me to do, comparing myself to you."

"You're right, the difference between us is like heaven and hell."

"And it's not hard to guess which one you might represent." A harsh sentiment, but no less accurate coming from Lilly's lips. It's enough to keep even Misha silent for a brief moment.

"Hicchan! Don't you slack off either..." Misha comments, clearly an attempt by Shizune to restore her control of the argument. A vain hope, as Lilly's barbed comeback has ruffled her feathers more than a little.

"What are you talking about?" He seems very out of his depth.

"Aren't you taking part in the festival, Hicchan? You are, aren't you? Then! I hope you're going to do a lot more to make sure it goes smoothly than this person!"

"Hey, I'm the new guy, remember? It's not like I could've done much, even if I'd wanted..." Hisao jumps on the defensive.

"That's right," comes the added boost from Lilly, "you shouldn't expect a transfer student to jump right into it on his first week."

Hisao's next comment is more than enough to add to my faith in him, as well as give more light to Lilly's newly found confidence against Shizune. "Yeah, you're being unreasonable with us both."

I smile at this. Despite all the reservations I had about Hisao, I can see that he does care, and my respect for him grows immensely. He doesn't simply defend himself, but comes to Lilly's aid as well, presenting a united front against Shizune's pressure. When Misha next speaks for Shizune, she sounds audibly defeated, as though there is little either can do to salvage the situation in their benefit.

"Excuses, excuses. Miss Class Rep has had plenty of time to deal with her report. And we repeatedly offered you a position to help with the student council work, but you refused to commit yourself to making the festival a success."

Shizune and Misha are simply repeating the same arguments as before, as if they hope that shouting loudly enough (how ironic) will be enough for them to 'win'. Hisao notices this too, and refuses to let them trap him in an ever recycling debate.

"Yeah, but as I said back then, I'm not sure if... Whatever. Forget it."

It's clear that the discussion is over. Before I am caught eavesdropping, I swiftly turn on my heel and walk away, heading towards the tea room. I don't return to class, but it's a close call. I had already made plans to catch up later, and there's no way I feel strong enough today to face my classmates, but I would love to see Shizune's face after her defeat this morning...


	4. Act 1, Chapter 4: Breaking Borders

**Act 1 – Chapter Four: Breaking Borders**

I don't spend the entire day away from class, of course. Although I may be good at playing catch-up, I still need to attend most of the time. I almost regret turning up to the classroom this afternoon, however, when I open the door to find the shrill high pitch of Misha greeting me.

"Oh? Hello..." She quickly realises who I am... "Hey! Playing delinquent again?"

I blush in response. I'm not entirely certain of what to say now, and back away slowly around the door as Shizune closes in. She makes a quick gesture to Misha, as my head disappears and only my fingers remain, curled around the open frame. I've never been entirely comfortable around Shizune, mainly with my shyness and her aloofness. My close friendship with Lilly hardly helps, either. But before Misha can translate, Hisao comments.

"What is it, Hanako?"

I reply directly to him, refusing to acknowledge the two girls staring at my hand on the door edge. "H... has Lilly been here?" It isn't Hisao who speaks though, but Misha.

"Sorry, haven't seen Satou. She, eh, came by in the morning though."

I continue to watch Shizune, keeping an eye on her, but try not to react to what Misha has just told me. They don't know that I heard the confrontation this morning, and it would do me no favours to reveal it now. Misha seems kind of embarrassed though, understandable with Hisao right next to her. Shizune stares back at me, refusing to budge even a little. I wonder what could be going through her mind. She can't possibly suspect me of eavesdropping, she couldn't have heard me, let alone seen me outside the room. No, I believe she simply wants to intimidate me. I feel terrified, of course, but I won't let her beat me here. I maintain eye contact, refusing to break, while asking Misha for more details.

"Do... do you know where she is?"

Shizune signs to Misha, meeting my continuing challenge.

"If she has any sense in her head," comes the translation, "she's in her classroom, working on their festival project. But who knows where that woman is loitering at." It's clearly a direct attack from Shizune, trying to reassert her own dominance. Maybe she still feels put out from her defeat to Lilly and Hisao earlier in the day? Or perhaps she just wants to show me that she is the superior person here. It doesn't work.

"You need to find her?" says Hisao. "She was looking for you in the morning but I guess you missed each other." I was rather surprised, to tell the truth, that she didn't come to my usual haunts this morning. Maybe she was too busy after all, but I didn't see her at the tea room, nor in the library when I retreated there for the rest of the period. Yuuko hadn't seen her either. Curious. I pause, thinking on this, when I realise that Hisao asked me a question, and I haven't yet replied.

"Y... yeah."

"I can come with you," he offers. "If it's okay." I would honestly rather go alone, but Hisao's gesture catches me off guard yet again. Besides, he can always stay here. With the Student Council. I decide to save him, nodding furiously at his suggestion. Even then, he looks uneasy, as though he's afraid of doing or saying something to drive me away or make me more scared.

"It's dinnertime soon. Were you planning to eat with Lilly?" I nod again, more gently this time. I had tried looking for Lilly in the cafeteria, but too many people were present. I try to avoid the room anyway at the best of times, if only to avoid being judged. Hisao picks up his bag and we leave Shizune's glare and Misha's mild grin behind.

He walks quickly. I have to almost run to keep up, but Hisao notices and slows a little. I feel more at ease now that Shizune isn't here trying to provoke a fight. It's odd, I've never experienced anything like this before. It feels... normal. Walking with a boy. I still keep my distance, though. We aren't quite that close yet. I'm really not sure what to make of Hisao, except that... I trust him.

We reach the cafeteria, but Lilly isn't there. I bow my head, and Hisao picks up on that almost immediately.

"Have you looked somewhere else already?"

"J-just at the library... I was reading..."

Hardly a comprehensive effort. "Ah, so not exactly a thorough search then. Well, if I had to guess, she'd be in her own class like Shizune said, right?"

I guess so. "R-right." I nod yet again, nearly imperceptible, and the silence descends once more.

Hisao breaks it again. It's like he's trying to do everything possible to keep me talking, to make me more at ease with him. Forcing issues isn't the best way for me to deal with them, but he doesn't know that – he's known me for less than a week. I try to humour him as much as I reasonably can, at least for now.

"So you and Lilly usually hang out together after class, right?" he asks.

"Y-yes." Did he really expect me to give more than that?

"Must be a pain being in different classes, I'm guessing." I nod again quickly.

"Lilly... comes by the classroom, though. Even when she's busy..." I really do appreciate it, and can't help but smile a little at her actions. Hisao smiles back briefly. I wonder what he's thinking right now?

We leave the cafeteria and head upstairs, towards Lilly's classroom. Other students pass us on the way, but I keep my head down and face hidden. I instinctively move behind Hisao, before realising what it is I'm doing.

"Hey, are you alright?" he says, a look of concern on his face. I don't want to discuss it with him.

"J-just keep going..." We carry on, and after passing the students I move back to Hisao's side, but whatever good cheer I had gained from the last discussion is gone. I stay tense, head still lowered, never getting closer than an arm's length to Hisao. We continue in silence.

Nevertheless, even that is broken again soon, as we get closer to Lilly's classroom and hear the noise coming from within. "Well," Hisao says, "I guess we found her." Truth be told, I'd expected this. But I didn't want to say anything, and if necessary I'd have simply stayed in the library for a while longer. But Hisao was willing to come with me, and the backup was useful. At least I have someone I can trust, no matter how little, to help me cope with everyone. Then again, this is a class for blind people. Much easier for me to deal with when no-one can see my scars.

On the edge of hearing Lilly's voice is audible, though I can't make out what she is saying. Probably instructions of a kind, taking charge of the situation in her class. I slowly edge behind Hisao, hoping against hope that he doesn't notice, or doesn't care too much. He opens the door, and I peer in over his shoulder, seeing a throng of people sitting, standing, kneeling over banners, mixing paints, talking excitedly about the projects they have for the school festival. Canes are swung around as some expertly side-step paint cans on the floor, everyone having found a way of dealing with their condition. If only it was as easy for me!

Lilly stands at the front of the class, three or four students surrounding her. We walk over to her, me behind Hisao attempting to stay out of everyone's way, but feeling less nervous than I thought I would. Hisao greets her as we draw close, inadvertently interrupting a smaller girl who is busy chattering away to Lilly about the arrangements for the class stall.

"Hi, Lilly."

She positions her head up, confused for a moment and not recognising Hisao's voice. "Sorry, who..."

"Ah, sorry. Hisao. I have Hanako too." It's good of him to introduce me, rather than leaving it to me to alert Lilly to my presence.

"H-hi," I say. Lilly turns her head in my direction and frowns slightly. Maybe she thinks I won't be able to handle being among so many people, when in reality I'm doing much better than usual. The fact that everyone here is blind, or partially blind, is the main reason for that. Still, she decides to take things slowly for my benefit, and turns back towards the girl who had previously been talking to her.

"For the moment, just ask Moriya for his advice. Kenji's busy with painting one of the banners already."

The girl turns away, nodding, and skips in the opposite direction, using the wall to guide her. I steal a glance at Hisao and notice an odd look on his face. It seems like a sign of recognition – does he know her? Or this Moriya, or Kenji? I have briefly spoken to some of Lilly's classmates in the past myself, usually when I've been waiting here for her, but neither name jumps out at me. And I didn't recognise the small girl who just left. Hisao seems to know someone here though, as he looks over my shoulder and behind me. I turn my face to see where he's looking and see the girl talking to a boy with glasses and a scarf (a scarf indoors? Really?) hunched over a large sheet and some paint on the floor. Given what Lilly just said to her, I would assume that's Kenji. I turn back to Lilly as she continues to speak.

"Sorry about that. Our class doesn't have many students with even partial eyesight, so they're in high demand."

Hisao doesn't surprise me much with his next words. "Need a hand? I could give you some help if you need some. Maybe Hanako could too."

I would certainly like that, and I nod strongly to confirm that sentiment. It would be nice to actually do something with people, for a change, and maybe it would be good for me to do so. Lilly could use the help too, and maybe a chance to bond a little more with Hisao wouldn't be such a bad thing. I could never do something like this in my own class, or most others for that matter, but here I don't feel as judged. I'd love to help the blind class on their project for the festival.

Lilly sighs, evidently pleased. Of course, she couldn't see me nod, but no doubt she can tell that I'm happy to be involved. I would have made some comment, however small, if I wasn't. And Shizune can't complain at either Hisao nor myself now.

"Ah, that's good. This might actually get finished before everyone goes off to dinner, now." Lilly sounds relieved. "Would you be able to help the person painting the main banner? It's a big task for him to do, but nobody else can help."

"Kenji?" Hisao replies. "Sure." I was right then, the boy in the corner is Kenji, and Hisao does know him. Lilly is apparently surprised by this, and I have to admit I'm also curious to find out how they know each other.

"I take it you've met?" Lilly asks.

"Our rooms in the dorm are right next to each other," comes the reply. "Hard to miss each other, really."

How obvious could that answer have been? It makes so much sense, and I missed it completely. Ah well, at least I wasn't the only one. "Well, it's good to see you're getting friends so fast," says Lilly. I look at Hisao's face again and an odd gesture appears for the briefest of moments at the word 'friend'. Maybe that's hardly the right word for Lilly to use? I don't know, maybe I'll witness a little more when we start working with this Kenji guy on his banner. Hisao speaks up and brings the conversation back to the topic at hand.

"We'll go help him then. He knows what needs doing, right?"

"That's right. Just ask if you have any problems."

Hisao and I both voice our agreement and make our way to the corner where Kenji is kneeling. His eyes are fixed on the rectangle of white on the floor ahead. Hisao greets him as we get closer.

"Hey, Kenji."

Silence. Did he even hear us approach, or Hisao say hello? Or is he ignoring us?

"Kenji?"

Suddenly, Kenji rises sharply, paint dripping from his brush into the pot by his side. "Huh? What? Who is it?" How sharp and abrupt. Not to mention rather rude. And people wonder why I find it hard talking to new faces...

"It's me. Hisao. From the..."

"Right, right, I know that, man. What're you doing here, though?" Worse and worse. Not the best first impression, even if I do feel a very small bit more relaxed in this room. I decide to edge a little out of Hisao's shadow, though, if only for the sake of asserting my actual presence here. I may be the type to hide behind others, but I don't like being a third wheel. Hisao jumps on this as a chance to explain our being here.

"I was just going to help with the banner. Hanako and I, that is."

"H... hello..." I stutter.

"Oh. Er, hey. I guess that's okay." Kenji seems put out a little, but weirdly enough he also seems to calm down just a bit when he notices me. It's actually quite creepy, and I consider just walking away, but think better of it. Still. Creepy.

We all sit down again, Hisao and I on one side of the banner and Kenji directly opposite. I read the kanji that's half painted on the cloth – Class 3-2 Noodle Stall. Looks like Hisao was reading it as well.

"You guys selling noodles at the festival on Sunday?"

"Yeah," Kenji says. "Some stalls outside. Or something." I wonder at his words. 'Or something'? Does he even intend to bother going to the festival? That being said, I can hardly comment. I may be willing to help, but I won't be attending either. Does anyone really expect me to, with so many people being there?

Hisao returns us to the task at hand. "So, how do you want to split this? We do borders while you do the text? Or do you want to switch and do the borders?" He looks sideways at me and I wonder what his thoughts are. I'm not fussed myself, text or borders are both fine by me.

"Text is mine," comes the response. "You do borders." How abrupt again. He sounds very determined that no-one else should do the text. Ah well. I pick up a brush and try to decide which colours would look prettiest – it's nice to have some work to busy my mind. As Hisao starts to paint, I am already in the middle of a pattern of some kind, I haven't quite figured out yet. It looks nice, though.

As I paint, I surreptitiously glance upwards on occasion. I may not take an active part in discussions in general, but that doesn't mean I don't listen. One can pick up an awful lot by simply listening. And I'm good at not drawing attention to myself. I notice Kenji lean in towards Hisao and whisper, as if his words are not for my ears. I can still hear every word, though. Having to listen to Mutou-sensei over Misha in class has developed my hearing at least a small amount, but it's enough.

"Okay, man, why're you here?"

"Hanako just wanted some help to find Lilly, that's all."

Kenji frowns at this. "I get it. It looks like I misjudged you."

Curiouser and curiouser. What could he mean by that? I continue my painting and act oblivious, but I'm interested now.

"You're infiltrating them, aren't you? Going deep undercover?" What the hell is Kenji talking about? The look on Hisao's face is the same as I feel. I hide my own look of confusion, acting as though I'm unaware of the discussion taking place.

"Is that why you're here?" Hisao humours him.

"Obviously. It sucks, but there's no better way to get intel than going in yourself." Intel? On what? "We gotta stick together, man. This is a harsh school, a harsh world." Probably the only thing I've heard from Kenji that makes any sense at all.

Apparently Hisao agrees. "Yes, very harsh."

Silence falls again as we all settle back to our work. I am left to wonder what I just witnessed, and decide to put it out of my head for now. Clearly this Kenji fellow has a severe mental quirk of some kind. I forget him briefly and return to the pattern I was working on.

"Finished," I say, before the others. The border is all done, a very pretty piece of work too.

"Looks like I am too," says Hisao. "Good job." I feel pleased at the praise for my work, and see that Hisao has essentially copied my design in an attempt to maintain symmetry as much as possible. Ironic to some extent, but beautiful penmanship. With the last lines connected the banner is nearly complete.

Hisao pulls himself up and looks around the classroom. I look too and see that most of the class has gone – Kenji remains working on another banner, while Lilly is still talking and coordinating the efforts of a few stragglers.

"Need a hand?" Hisao offers his hand to me, which I take gracefully, and helps me to my feet. My legs feel quite numb after sitting down for so long in one position. With all the painting, I had failed to notice the pins and needles creeping along, but try to ignore them as much as possible. I know they'll soon go away. As I get up, however, I notice Hisao's eyes on my right wrist, and see the scars that extend even past my long sleeves. What could he be thinking now? I cover my wrist with my left hand, and turn my face down and slightly away, refusing to meet Hisao's eyes. His next words come as a brief shock to me.

"Looks good, doesn't it?"

I recoil briefly and my face registers a moment of surprise, until I realise he is no longer staring at me. Instead, Hisao's eyes are fixed on the banner, and I realise what he really meant.

"It does... I guess." I smile at him, more as a sign of forgiveness than an agreement, although I most certainly do agree with his sentiments on the banner. Something we can both be proud of. We cross the room again and return to Lilly. Once more, Hisao takes the lead.

"We've finished the banner. I guess that's all that needs to be done?"

Lilly nods and smiles at us both, using the direction of Hisao's voice to know where to face her head. "Thank you Hisao, Hanako. If there's any way I can thank you...?"

"It's fine," Hisao replies. "Beats sitting in my room studying, at any rate."

"I don't mind either." I feel a need to make it clear to Lilly, and to Hisao, that I was happy to be of some use today. Anything that takes my mind off things is good in my book. And it was definitely interesting, in a way, to meet Kenji. On that note...

"Oh, is Kenji still here?" Lilly asks. Before either of us can respond with the affirmative, Kenji himself shouts across the room.

"Yeah, just finished." He puts his sign onto a shelf to dry, walks towards us, and passes us heading for the door. "See ya, man."

"Bye," Hisao says. The other students still remaining do the same, saying goodbye to us before leaving. Soon, Lilly, Hisao and I are the only people left in class 3-2.

"Well, I guess that's everyone," says Hisao.

"I hope we don't have to do anything like that again." I can kind of see where Lilly is coming from, with the sheer amount of effort she has had to put in to make this project a potential success, not to mention keeping Shizune off her back.

"Working past school time?"

"Indeed. The class's plans this year were ambitious. Maybe too ambitious."

I feel a need to give my opinion here, seeing the dedication the class have clearly put towards their work this year. "The stalls look nice, though."

Hisao agrees with me. "She's right, it shows that a lot of work's gone into them."

Lilly can't see the smile on my face, but Hisao can. She must be able to sense the good cheer in both our voices though, a rarity for me, and chuckles a little as she speaks.

"My, my, I'm sure a lot of us would be glad to hear that. At least now there's not much work to do until the festival itself."

I'm certainly happy to hear all that. Still, I can't help but feel a little tired now after all the hard work we just did. The clock seems to share my point of view. Besides, I've not eaten since lunch, and I feel kind of hungry now. I can always cook a small meal in the dormitories. "Umm... it's getting pretty late. Should we go?"

"That's probably a good idea," comes the response from Lilly. " Are you going back to the dorms as well, Hisao?"

"Yeah, I guess I'll tag along." There isn't much else to do at this time, anyway.

We leave the classroom and head outside, into the Yamaku gardens. As curfew approaches we see a few students rushing around, but otherwise it's nice and quiet. Peaceful. The sun has already set, and the moonlight makes the trees look eerie, but so calm. The only sounds are our footsteps, and Lilly's cane. I hear Hisao yawn a little.

"Tired?" Lilly asks.

"Yeah. Still getting used to the flow of things, I guess. The... uh... thing with Shizune took me kind of off guard, though."

I nod a little, before realising that they still don't know I was eavesdropping. I catch myself just in time, but Hisao doesn't appear to have noticed anything, looking back at the school building, while Lilly can't have noticed me anyway. I see Hisao grit his teeth in anger,or possibly annoyance. I still regret a little that I chose to skip class today. Seeing Shizune's face and her effect on the class would have made for an interesting morning, even if I risked being caught in her wrath by association. Then again, it doesn't seem to have done Hisao too much harm today. Save the teeth, of course.

Lilly decides to respond to Hisao's comment. "Ah... about that... I'm sorry about it being so public. Shizune and I... go back some ways."

She hardly needs to remind me, but Hisao has no idea about their history. Hisao looks at me when he realises Lilly has no intention of elaborating, but it's not my place to say anything about it. Especially when one of the two subjects is present. I deliberately make my face unreadable, more so even than usual, and give Hisao no clues whatsoever. He'll have to keep wondering until Lilly agrees to explain matters to him.

"I'll be glad once the festival is over, in any case." Lilly is clearly trying to change the topic, and it works.

"I can imagine," says Hisao. "My old school's festivals were a lot more low-key than this."

"Yamaku stresses the idea of a school community," Lilly explains. "So the staff likes to make our festivals and such special occasions."

"And yet the students are the ones who do the work. What an unfair world." I laugh a little at Hisao's comment, agreeing and feeling slightly impressed by his perceptiveness. Lilly does the same, as Hisao smiles at us both. It's made more funny when we consider the previous topic, regarding Shizune. If only Hisao knew how much work she decided to take on as Student Council President, especially regarding the festival! Well, it's her own fault. As we giggle, Lilly puts on a straight face just long enough to speak again.

"I suppose coming from a strict all-girls school helped me a bit with Yamaku. Compared to there, Yamaku is much more relaxed."

We continue onwards, the sounds of laughter not quite dead but certainly fading away. Eventually we come to the steps outside the two dormitories. I look at the wall where Rin the artist, a rather eccentric girl, has been painting a mural for the festival. It looks nearly done, but in the moonlight I can only see a few details standing out. Maybe it will look much better in the day.

"See you, Lilly, Hanako."

Lilly and I each nod in acknowledgement, before leaving Hisao and entering our own dormitory. We pass the teacher on security duty tonight, and head upstairs to our rooms. I quickly eat and prepare for bed, wondering what the next day will bring...


	5. Act 1, Chapter 5: Silence In The Library

**Act 1 – Chapter Five: Silence In The Library**

The next day passes normally. I actually decide to turn up to lessons in the morning, though I keep my head down and study hard, avoiding Shizune's gaze whenever she turns my way. After the lecture on electricity, Mutou-sensei gives a brief talk regarding the school festival, but I don't pay attention, even when Misha bursts out with her typical loud comments. Something about fried food? Never mind, it's not as though I plan to attend anyway. Too many people. As the class ends, I wait for Lilly, but catch a glimpse of a girl outside with strawberry blonde hair talking to Hisao. Looking closer, I see that it's Emi. I wonder what they're discussing? It doesn't matter anyway, as they soon leave. Given the time of day, I would assume perhaps they intend to eat lunch together. It's not long before Lilly turns up, and we walk to the tea room together, chatting quietly as we go.

* * *

Classes end, and I retreat to my regular spot. The beanbags are free, as always, and I settle down with a pile of books, happy to be alone (aside from Yuuko working on the new returns). It isn't long, however, before I'm startled by the sound of a bang coming from the returns slot, clearly someone bringing books back to the library. I can guess who it is, since not many students tend to come here on a regular basis. Except in exam time, of course. Lilly would be much more gentle, so it has to be Hisao.

We look at each other, our eyes meeting briefly. After a pause, he turns around and heads out. I guess he decided not to disturb me this time. It's nice of him to be so considerate, although truth be told, I'm still not entirely certain I would mind. I still don't know what to make of him, and the more I know about who Hisao is, the more easy it will be for me to trust him. Well, more than I trust most people at Yamaku, or anywhere for that matter. I decide against asking him about his chat with Emi this morning. It's his own business, after all, and I have no right to intrude.

It takes me another half hour before I realise where I'm supposed to be. How could I forget! Lilly and I have the same routine every Monday – we walk into town together and go shopping, food and supplies to last us both the rest of the week. This week, however, we couldn't make it, so we decided to postpone the trip until Friday. And I've left Lilly standing around for all this time alone! Then again, it's not the first time it's happened. Sometimes I get so engrossed in a new book that everything else leaves my mind entirely. Whenever it's happened before, Lilly has been happy to wait for me to remember, but it's still horrible of me to continue here without any consideration for my friend.

I put the books down and leave in a rush, asking Yuuko before I go if she would mind putting them back in the right places. She's used to the routine and agrees readily, though I hate giving her yet another burden on top of her already busy work and studies. I run through the now deserted corridors and out of the main school building, ignoring the 'no-running' rules – there are few people in the school at this time anyway, most students having left to go into town or to their dormitories, or working on festival projects. I reach the meeting place where Lilly always waits, and find...

Nothing. She isn't here. I look around, puzzled, wondering where she could be, when in the corner of my eye I notice a flash of gold in the distance. I look down the main path that leads from Yamaku towards the town, and far ahead I notice a figure with a cane and long blonde hair. Walking alongside the person is a young man with shorter, darker hair, apparently dressed in school uniform. They walk slowly together, the person with the cane tapping every couple of steps. I breathe a sigh of relief, though I still feel guilty – Hisao must have had the same intention of going down the hill, and saw Lilly standing alone outside the school gates. Maybe he offered to walk her down in my place? A kind gesture, but it doesn't make me feel better for forgetting in the first place. Ah well, I can apologise later. I choose to take advantage of the free time for now, and begin the long walk back to the library.

* * *

Before Saturday classes begin, I reflect a little on the previous night. Lilly turned up at my door with the shopping I would have usually bought, and I paid her my share of the money for it, as we discussed her journey with Hisao. I apologised profoundly for leaving her yet again, but she was fine with it – as mentioned before, it's not exactly a rare occurrence. Lilly spoke about the walk back with Rin, and her usual eccentricities, something I can relate to, if not understand. Lilly and I are alike in that regard, and we both tend to leave Rin alone in general. Neither of us can understand her, and so we try to keep our distances.

It seems that I was right, too, about Hisao's condition. Arrhythmia, it's called. Lilly told me how shocked she was when she heard it from his own lips, though she was careful to keep her surprise well hidden. Concern, however, still shone through, hardly odd when Lilly is involved. My fears following the incident with Emi a few days ago were confirmed with Lilly's words, and she correctly guessed that I already suspected something.

"You knew from the other day, then?"

"Y... yes. I saw him clutching his chest and I-I figured something was wrong."

"You should have told me!" Lilly's concern tends to be rather stifling at times, but I suppose she had a point this time. From Hisao's point of view, maybe he felt embarrassed, but it doesn't do him any favours keeping something like that from those around him.

Then again, look who's talking.

Returning to the present, I look up to see Mutou-sensei staggering into the classroom, tired. And, I would guess, hungover. He writes some question and page numbers on the blackboard and collapses into his chair, but most of the class are used to it. Mutou has an amazing ability to still be able to teach successfully even when his state is borderline lethargic, at best, and as long as he can keep it up nobody will complain. It tends to just be Saturday mornings anyway, since even teachers deserve to cut loose a little on a Friday night. Since everyone appears just as tired as the teacher, we all work in silence. Helped in no small part by Misha's absence – presumably working last-minute with Shizune. The festival is only a day away, after all.

The silence is broken only by a quiet comment from Mutou.

"Nakai, can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Sure..." comes the reply from Hisao. "What's this about?"

"It's probably better if we speak outside the classroom..." Mutou-sensei walks out of the room, Hisao following, and I look up as they leave. My mind fills with possibilities for what they could be talking about, but I soon ignore it and get back to focusing on my work.

They're only gone for a couple of minutes, but even so I notice a couple of students who were borderline asleep suddenly jump up and start working again as soon as they hear the door. Mutou walks back inside, followed again by Hisao, and return to their previous tasks. I don't really know why the newly work-engaged students even bother – more are still resting, not even attempting to work on the assigned questions, and to be perfectly honest I can hardly blame them. Me on the other hand... well, I abandon classes enough that when I am actually present it doesn't do me any good to ignore the work set. Even if I feel like sleeping myself sometimes.

It takes a good long time before the bell rings, but we have a final minute of torture before we can finally go.

"Before you all leave," says Mutou, "I expect the answers for those problems by Monday." Typical. Still, I've done most of them already, so my weekend is pretty free to catch up on my never-ending backlog of books. Perhaps spend some time in town with Lilly (provided there aren't too many students with similar ideas of where to go). Judging by the sighs, I can think of more than a few students who will have a lot of work to do before they can enjoy tomorrow's festival, though...

The classroom empties quickly, and after less than a minute Hisao and I are the only ones left. I'm waiting for Lilly, of course, but it's not clear to me why Hisao is hanging around. I don't ask him either, and a silence descends between the two of us like fog. For the next quarter of an hour, Hisao writes in his notebook and I read my latest borrowed novel. The noises from the seat so close to mine become an annoyance, disturbing the quietness as I wait for Lilly to arrive. Paper rustling and pencil lead scratching. I don't look at Hisao, in fact I keep my eyes fixed firmly on the pages of my book. Soon enough, Lilly comes by.

"Hanako?"

Upon hearing her voice I get up and walk quickly to her. The awkwardness between Hisao and myself was stifling, and it's a relief to have Lilly here now. I guess after everything it still feels difficult for me to be in Hisao's presence. I can hardly even begin a conversation with him, and he seems in constant fear of setting off my anxieties – hardly a great combination.

Lilly and I start to speak quietly to each other. It's not that either of us wants to deliberately keep Hisao out of the loop. In fact, Lilly isn't even aware of his presence. It's simply that there isn't any need for loudness. Our conversation is between us, nobody else.

"Sorry for taking so long, Hanako."

"That... that's okay," I reply. "It's fine."

"I, um, won't be able to stay for very long. Actually, I need to go pretty soon." Lilly seems genuinely sorry, as if she knows what effect this could have on me.

"What? Why?"

"I had a phone call yesterday afternoon. Akira's in town today. I guess I should have told you sooner..." Lilly's sister. Of course, I understand why she has to go. I guess I'm just a little selfish at heart, but given my life so far one can hardly blame me. I look forlorn and make an effort to try and convince her to stay, though I'm fully aware of my actions. I can't stop Lilly from seeing Akira, especially since they don't often get to meet given Akira's work. And really, my issue is less to do with selfishness and more to do with being alone with only Hisao to keep me company. I like him, I really do, given the effort he's been making to overcome the difficulties inherent in even speaking to me. But it's hard for me to interact with him, and having Lilly around would be a great help.

"Do... do you really have t-to go?" I try to sound as innocent and helpless as I can. It usually works with Lilly, though I very rarely use it on her. I always feel so guilty afterwards, but usually it works when I want ask to do something I want for once. I wish she would treat me as someone stronger. But until then, subtleness is always a useful trait to have. Maybe she'll see that strength in time.

"I haven't seen my sister in weeks. I'm really very sorry, Hanako, but I can't just bail on her at such short notice. Is there anything you can do yourself while I'm in town?"

I already feel bad about my attempts to manipulate Lilly's affections. Plus, I do quite like Akira. She's one of the few people who treats me like a normal person. I decide to tell Lilly about Hisao's presence.

"H-Hisao is... here," I manage.

"There you go then! You can spend some time with him, maybe. Talk a little." She smiles sweetly at me, and although I know Lilly can't see me I try to suppress a grimace. Hisao can still look over, after all. I hate it when she tries to interfere! I know she means well, I know she thinks it's for the best, but pushing me does no good at all. Surely she knew Hisao was here from the start. He's still making sounds with his pencil scratching at paper, trying to work, breathing heavily, though it looks as if he's making a clear effort not to eavesdrop. I doubt he can hear us anyway given the volume Lilly and I are speaking at. She must have heard him from the start. All this was planned from the moment she walked inside. We may be close friends, and she may have my best interests at heart, but Lilly can be just as manipulative as I try to be sometimes. Such a facade to hide behind! It makes me so annoyed at times.

Resigned to Lilly's suggestion, and realising my defeat (even if I wasn't trying too hard anyway), I agree with her. We say our goodbyes, and I give my best wishes to pass on to Akira. As Lilly leaves, I sit down at my desk again, chin in hand, staring down. I think about what to do to pass the time. I have no work to do, having already finished during class. Going to my room is pointless. And I hardly want to stay here, perpetuating the silence between Hisao and myself. Awkwardness may be my calling card, but it's not my desire. I pull out my book again, and start to read, but can feel Hisao's eyes on me. When he next turns away, I get up and leave, heading for my usual spot in the library.

* * *

I didn't expect him to follow me. I sit in a beanbag, my regular seat, reading the book I had in the classroom, when I hear footsteps. Quiet ones, not loud and clumsy, so I know it can't be Yuuko. She normally works elsewhere on a Saturday anyway, at the Shanghai tea-house, so the other likely contender would be Hisao. The low sound doesn't startle me, but I look up anyway and see him slowly sink into another beanbag near me. I don't appreciate him coming here, but I do appreciate the care he takes to avoid disturbing me too much. I feel rather conflicted, whether to be pleased or angry. I settle for neutrality.

"Is that the same book as before?" he asks, breaking the silence again.

"Y-yes... I'm almost finished..." I reply.

"Cool." A pause. "Do you mind if I borrow it when you're finished?"

I can't say no, it's not mine. Anyone is free to borrow books from the library. But I feel like he's trying to engage with me through our mutual passion of books, and it's enough to make me answer without much problem.

"S-sure... you m-may not like it, but..."

Hisao interjects before I finish. "I'm sure it can't be that bad. After all, you've stuck with it, haven't you?"

"I-I guess..."

Hisao settles and digs out a book from his own bag, starting to read. I try to do the same and focus on my own book, but it's hard to get back into it. The brief discussion has made me actually want to talk, just a little. If I want people to take me seriously, I can't just retreat into a shell whenever someone tries to interact. But even then, I can't bring myself to start the conversation. Hisao ends up doing so himself. Perhaps he came to the same conclusions regarding his book.

"So, I see Lilly left without you?"

I nod briefly, then look up. My attempt to read has been foiled, and I'm not too bothered. Doesn't mean I'll take the lead as we talk, but at least I can answer okay.

"Lilly said she had to go and... meet someone..."

"Oh?"

"A-Akira," I tell him. "Her sister..."

"Sister?" says Hisao. "I haven't heard her talk about her family..."

"She... she and Akira used to live together."

Apparently this is news to Hisao. Then again, Lilly told him before, right? How she didn't always live in the dorms here, but only for a short while until now.

"I thought all the students lived in the dorms?" he asks.

"T-they... I mean we... don't have to." I wonder if he picked up on the accidental 'they' comment? I didn't mean it, but I guess it's another reminder of how I tend to keep myself away from everyone else. I can't even consider us as part of the same group, between me and the other students here. A self-imposed segregation, born out of fear. And the worst part is, I'm fully aware of it all.

Hisao brings me back to the topic at hand. "But it's easier, right? I mean, there's food here, and you're close to school... I don't think I've been to class on time so often in my life."

That makes me smile a little, though I try unsuccessfully to hide it. Hisao makes a good point.

"Hey, Hanako..." he begins. "What are you doing for the festival?"

This is a sudden change in mood. Surely he doesn't seriously expect me to go tomorrow! Or is it something else he means? The shock renders me almost speechless, though I manage to let out a brief "S-sorry?" while staring at him.

"I was just asking what you're doing for the festival tomorrow. Anything planned?"

So he is serious, then. "I... I don't know."

I hope he gets the hint. I try to be evasive, deliberately, and make it as obvious as I can that we're both better off abandoning this line of conversation. Hisao seems to understand, because his next words sound rather defeated, but willing to forget the topic.

"Oh, okay," he says. "So, what's Lilly's sister like?"

The change in topic is a good one. This is something I can actually talk about. "She... she's nice. She's pretty, like Lilly, but she dresses... business-like..."

"Business-like?" Hisao sounds curious.

"She... she's always wearing a suit..."

"Ah, I see," Hisao says. "And that makes her less pretty somehow?"

It's kind of embarrassing to be heading down this path. Not to mention, after the effort Hisao has made simply to make friends with me, I almost feel a pang of jealousy at his apparent interest in Akira. Nothing so strong, but just a slight feeling. It confuses me a little, but I let it pass. I shake my head briefly and answer Hisao's question.

"N-no... just... different." Something I can relate to again. But it's clear from my tone of voice how much I do like her, how friendly Akira is to me without even making the kind of effort Hisao is making now. Perhaps it's the Western influence in their family that gives both Akira and Lilly the tolerance so few people in Japan have for... people like me. Especially ones who see their condition the way I do.

"Well," Hisao starts, "one day you'll have to introduce me to her."

That, I can do. "O-okay." I smile at Hisao, before the silence returns, the conversation over. We return to our respective books, and I think about the talk we have just had. It was nice to finally talk to Hisao properly, without my nerves getting in the way. Regardless of my feelings at the start, we had a good time, without it dragging on, and without Hisao intruding on me too much. He knew to back off when necessary, something not many people would do. Misha certainly wouldn't. As we read, the sun begins to slowly fade away in the summer afternoon and the light through the window takes on a more serene crimson colour.

A while later, we both notice the time has passed so quickly. We've clearly been in the library for a good few hours, not talking, but reading and just enjoying the calmness of each other's company. Hisao, as always, is the first to speak.

"Do you think Lilly would be back by now? I think I might head back to my dorm. I'm pretty tired from this week." I look over at Hisao as he speaks, and can see his eyes starting to droop. It looks like he's struggling to keep them open. I, on the other hand, feel fine.

"O-okay. I... I might stay here a little longer." I'm literally at the end of my book, and would feel bad if I had to walk to my room to finish, only to walk all the way back here to swap for something else. Hisao asked to borrow it next, anyway.

"Sure thing," he says. "Well, I'm going to head off before it gets dark. I'll see you around, okay?"

"O-okay. See you, Hisao."

"Later," he replies. Before he leaves, though, I think of something else.

"H-Hisao?"

"Hmm?"

"T-thank you. F-for hanging out with me." I can't hide the smile on my face, so I don't even bother to try. I can only begin to guess what Hisao's thoughts are regarding it, but I don't care. Either way, I feel happier today than I have done for quite a while, and certainly happier in Hisao's company than I was nearer the start of the week. I hope he realises that.

"You're welcome." Hisao smiles back at me, though it looks a little forced. I guess with all the previous awkwardness between us, that's only to be expected, and the genuine sentiment is still clear for all to see. It makes my own joy that bit more profound. "Goodnight, Hanako."

"N-night."

Hisao leaves the library as I watch, before I turn back to my book. I read the top of the penultimate page and drift back into the story...


	6. Act 1, Chapter 6: En Passant

**Act 1 – Chapter Six: En Passant**

Sometimes, I wonder whether or not I should try staying in the library overnight. I spend enough time there, and it seems a waste of effort to leave in the evening only to be straight back there the following morning. I'm certain Yuuko wouldn't mind. Then again, although the teachers are lenient about my skipping classes, I think they would take a much dimmer view of me actually moving into the library. I bring it up because yet again, the library is where I find myself during the festival, away from all the stalls and crowds outside.

I used to go somewhere else during this time. A quiet clearing in the woods, just off campus. Nobody else seemed to know about it, and I used it as another place of refuge when Yamaku became too busy for me to stay. Then someone thought it would be a good idea to go there with their family for a picnic, and my safe haven was no longer so much of a haven. Last year I chose to stay in the dormitory, figuring that everyone would be at the festival instead of staying in their rooms. Then I realised it would mean barricading myself in my own bedroom – too late for me to escape without running into the crowds again. I didn't think how people would be showing their families their rooms and spending time there during the day. I ended up staying in my own room for the entire festival period, not even leaving for the bathroom, nor to eat. Not so great a time for me.

So this year, I decided to leave as early as I could, before people started arriving for the festival. And now I find myself sitting in my beanbag reading through another new novel, listening to the faint sounds of the revelries outside. I have no desire to go out there and join everyone. I'm more than happy to sit here on my own, curled up with a good book.

It's something of a surprise to hear Hisao's voice, when I assumed he would be with Lilly enjoying the festivities.

"Hey, Hanako. I had a feeling I'd find you here..." Hisao's intuition serves him well, it seems.

I jump a little, before slowly poking my head above the low block of shelves separating the two of us. "H-Hisao?" I wonder why he isn't outside, actually.

"Hey. Lilly's pretty busy, so she sent me to find you." The answer to my unspoken question is brief, but it makes sense. Lilly would be concerned, after all. It's just how she is. Neither she nor Hisao would have really expected me to be with the masses of people, so coming here was the obvious step.

"O-oh," I reply. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Actually, I'm feeling a little hungry," says Hisao. "Would you like to get something to eat from one of the stands?"

I guessed he would try this. Sometimes, it looks like Hisao can be as bad as Lilly, trying to get me to act a little more 'normal', or at least be more social. Fortunately, I came prepared. I knew I wouldn't get a chance to go and eat elsewhere during the day anyway.

"Um... I... I brought some food, so..."

Hisao frowns a little as I foil his plans, but he doesn't give up. The compromise he offers is much easier for me to bear, though. "How about we eat in the tea room? I passed by it on the way here, and no-one was around. We can make some food there, and it'll be a little more comfortable. What do you say?"

I think it over, and realise he definitely does have a point. It's not like there's anywhere to prepare anything edible here in the library, whereas the tea room has facilities long ago installed for students before Lilly and I started attending Yamaku. Nobody else tends to go there, so it'll certainly be private. If I'm with Hisao, it won't be so bad.

"S-sure. Let's go." I close my current book and place it delicately into my bag.

"Good to go?" I notice Hisao watching my movements with a curious look on his face. What could he be thinking, I wonder.?

"Y... yeah." We leave together, and walk slowly along the deserted corridors to the tea room. Without any windows to let the sound in, the festival is barely audible. I focus on the floor ahead of me and start to forget that Hisao is even here. My steps start to fall into an old routine, a game of sorts from when I was younger. I remember the times not long after my accident, when the other children would tease me and abuse me for my scars. In my loneliness, I made up all sorts of games purely to distract myself. The games worked, to a point, and eventually I was able to bury my thoughts and emotions behind deep walls, walls that very few people have ever breached. Even Lilly hasn't managed to break the toughest ones down. The therapists try hard, but they too have always met with failure.

As we walk, I manage to completely forget Hisao, which makes it all the more startling when he speaks up.

"Are you alright?"

I stop, completely still. My eyes turn to meet Hisao's. "W-what?"

"I dunno... it looked like you were tripping or something."

So he noticed my footsteps. I feel my cheeks redden slightly and my gaze drops to the floor again. "It... it's nothing."

"You know," replies Hisao, "when you say 'nothing' like that, people are inspired to ask further questions."

I pause for a moment. He's absolutely right, and I should know that better than anyone. I've had the same situation several times before, when people have asked me questions that I don't want to answer. Mainly about myself, and my scars. Avoiding the issue only makes them more curious, until I have to flee the situation entirely. I realise that answering honestly is the best course of action, though I won't give away any information I don't have to. There's no real need for Hisao to know the whys and the hows of my little quirks.

He's almost started to continue walking when I smile a little, kind of embarrassed, and answer him.

"It's a... a game."

"Game?"

"Do you... see the floor here?" I point down at the linoleum tiles at our feet.

"Well, yes. What about it?"

"Sometimes... when there's no-one around... I only step on the darker ones..." My embarrassment at playing such a childish game grows as I finish speaking, but it hardly matters anyway. Truth be told, I do play it sometimes when walking with Lilly. She can't see me, of course, so it doesn't bother me with her being present. Occasionally though, I suspect she might be able to hear my erratic footsteps, but she's never commented on it. Not to me at least.

"Darker ones?" asks Hisao.

I shuffle my feet a little and point a toe to the kind of tile I mean. "L-like, these ones." Some are a shade darker than others, not usually noticeable except in strong light. But I seem to have a knack for picking the right kind. I've been playing this game since I was a little kid.

"Oh, right, so these ones are no good?" Hisao nudges his own feet towards another, very slightly lighter, tile.

"Y-yeah. Something... something like that."

"Oh, I see. Do you play this game a lot?"

I shake my head. It's kind of rare that I get the chance and actually decide to play. Which makes it all the more embarrassing when I do play it.

"Just when the halls are empty?" Now he gets it! I nod my head in confirmation.

"Well then," says Hisao, "no point in stopping. I'm beginning to get really hungry."

He says this as I can see the tiny miso soup stains on the bottom of his sleeve, and smell the strong flavours on his breath. Still, I agree with him. I'm getting pretty hungry too, so I nod my head again, but with a clear enthusiasm this time.

"Well then, let's go."

As we continue to walk, I make a conscious effort to get out of my old routines from childhood, stepping wherever I please without caring what colour each tile is. I can see something rather different in the corner of my eye, though. Looks like Hisao's caught the game bug as well. I try to suppress a small giggle, unsuccessfully, but I don't think Hisao heard it...

We soon reach the door to the tea room. We enter, and I move across to my regular seat, as Hisao walks to the window. He opens it and breathes deeply. I guess the air here is somewhat different to city air. Looking at Hisao, he strikes me as a city person, someone who's never really spent much time in a rural area like this. I learned how to judge people long ago, though my intuition isn't always spot on.

"Do... would you like some tea?" I ask, playing mother in Lilly's absence.

"That would be great, thanks."

I fill the pot and set it to boil, following the same traditional ritual Lilly always uses. Although I can see exactly what I'm doing, unlike her, I still take the same amount of care and consideration, both in the brewing and in making a set of sandwiches from my meagre packed lunch. It's not the first time Hisao's seen me do this, but I can feel his eyes on me, watching intently. For once, though, it doesn't bother me. I feel much happier to be alone with him after the effort he's shown this week. And it's nice to have someone here with me today, of all days, when I don't feel up to going outside with everyone else. Everyone deserves to be with someone on a day like this.

When the tea is ready, I place the tray with the pot and sandwiches on the table and pour two cups for us. Hisao's voice cuts through the silence, but the room remains calm.

"I think I know why you like this room now."

"Um... I don't know what you mean." I think I do, really, but I'd like to hear him say it.

"Well, there are quite a few people out there, but in here it's like another world. You can pretend that there's no-one around for miles."

"Y-you're right." And he is. Even with the windows open, a gentle breeze flowing in through the warm summer sun, the noise of the festival is almost unnoticeable. Looking out, I can't see anyone. This room is like a tiny little bubble inside Yamaku, one that's not quite ready to pop. "It's like the world has forgotten this room. And b-because of that, you can forget about the outside."

I smile at Hisao. I could do with forgetting so much. Even in Yamaku, I feel like an outsider. I stay away from people because I don't trust them enough, but it would be good for someone to make an effort, and at least try to be friendly. It never happens. Nobody bullies anyone here, because we're all in the same boat, but you can't throw a couple of hundred teenagers together and expect them to all get on alright, even when they're all united by something like our disabilities. We're still regular people, with everything that entails.

"That's a good point. It's like this room gives you some kind of complete freedom."

"Y-yeah." That's exactly it. Here, I feel like I can be myself. On that note... "Say... do you play chess?" I ask Hisao.

"Chess? I've played it a bit, I guess...I take it you've played before?"

"A little..." Or perhaps I'm something of a chess shark... then again, perhaps not. I walk over to a cupboard and pull out an old set. I usually play with Lilly, so the pieces are well worn, though they weren't exactly new when we first began to play the game together. It's Western chess, rather than Shogi, so I can't be sure how familiar Hisao is with it. Lilly often proves a challenging opponent, but her familiarity with Western culture would be a great help. I wonder if the specific cultural version of the game will be an advantage to me, or not so much?

"Do... do you want..." My query is lost in my nervous stammer, but Hisao realises what I was trying to say. Asking if he wants to be the White player, and start the game.

"Sure, why not?" We set the board up and take our positions, Hisao opening with his queen-side centre pawn moving two squares ahead. I respond with my opposite corner knight, and soon I find myself lost in the game, enjoying the moment of tranquillity. I used to play chess as yet another distraction, anything to keep my mind off the torment I suffered as a child. At least life got a bit better at the orphanage as I grew older. I suppose chess is also a reminder of happier times for me...

Hisao starts to build up a smart defence with his knights and pawns. I can see his plan, to free his king ready for castling. I try to counter with one of my bishops, but am soon driven back by his own, and lose control of the centre of the board. It looks like this game may be more of a challenge than I thought. I retaliate with my pawns, only for Hisao to engage in a risky sacrifice, losing a bishop to take one of my knights. Perhaps he thinks one is more valuable than the other? I wonder if I can use that to my advantage...

Another sacrifice, but a stupid one this time. Hisao sends his knight to attack one of my pawns, only to lose it to my remaining bishop. It's only afterwards that I realise how painfully obvious his plan was, and how I was a fool to miss it. His queen is already in place, and puts me immediately into check. With very few options open to me I choose to defend using my own queen. I realise it will lead to a mutual sacrifice, but I'd rather there be no queen on the board than have Hisao's queen ravaging my defence.

He takes the bait, and I take his queen with my king. I guess I can't castle now, which may have been his plan in the first place, removing another aspect of my defence. We continue on, and Hisao proceeds to wipe out my remaining central pieces, despite a suicidal yet brave attempt by myself to attack using my first bishop. A concentrated pawn attack is defended by one of Hisao's rooks, while his second remains unmoved in the corner. We exchange our remaining bishops, saving me from yet another check. Hisao's strategy has been very aggressive, forcing me to constantly react and giving no quarter for me to attack. What started as an equal match, a war of attrition, has quickly developed into an onslaught with a clear victor.

I take the chance to move my pawns on the unguarded left flank. My right, Hisao's left. He spots this quickly, however, and moves his knight into the empty space, driving my king back further. He reacts with his own flanked pawns and quickly takes advantage of my scattered positioning, before cornering my king with his knight, a solitary pawn, and a rook.

"Checkmate." The game is over. I'm quite surprised at how well Hisao played. I'm normally a pretty good chess player, but today was something of an off day. I guess I just wasn't as into it as usual, but it was nice to play against Hisao. I enjoyed it. I didn't feel quite as competitive as I tend to be. I can't even remember the last time Lilly managed to beat me. When I play chess, I like to win, though I'm nowhere near the insane levels of competitiveness as, say, Shizune. I wonder what it would be like, playing chess against her...

"You're not bad at this, are you?" I feel something new at Hisao's words, something I've not felt in a very long time. I'm actually flattered. I smile at Hisao, just slightly, but the happy sentiment I feel is much greater than that.

"I... I guess not," I reply.

"Does Lilly play?" He picks up a piece and studies it. Maybe he's wondering how a blind person could possibly play chess, at least with any amount of skill?

I pause at this. "A... a bit. T-this is the first time I've played against someone... other than her, or..." I stop suddenly. This is bringing up bad memories, reminding me of the exact reason why I'm at Yamaku in the first place. Why the people I played chess with are no longer around. I can't bring myself to tell Hisao why, so soon after we've met. Maybe one day, but I'm not yet ready.

Fortunately, Hisao knows when to leave well enough alone. "Well then, I'm honoured to have played against you."

I smile again, a more sheepish grin this time, glad that Hisao has the foresight and intuition to avoid pushing things too far. I feel bold enough to make a small request. "Um... can we play again?" I think this time, I'll be sure to win. I'm all fired up inside from the last game, even if I don't show it outwardly.

"Sure," Hisao replies. "Though don't expect me to go easy on you this time."

I can hear the competitiveness in his voice. My eyes narrow and I continue to smile, but with a far more mischievous look. I briefly consider what Hisao might think of my expression as I reply to his challenge. "S... same here..."

We begin setting the board up for our rematch, when I hear the door open. We both turn at the noise to see Lilly gently walking in. "Good afternoon."

"Lilly..." I start to speak at the same time as Hisao.

"Oh, hey there Lilly. Are you finished?" I guess he's referring to Lilly's class stall at the festival. I'd almost forgotten about it in the peace and calm of this room.

"You both are here? Wonderful. At any rate, our teacher was able to round up some extra help, so I was able to leave. Have you been here since you left?"

"Pretty much, we've just been playing a bit of chess."

I take the opportunity to interject. "W-would you like a cup of tea?"

"Actually," replies Lilly, "I think it may be a good idea to go outside for a little while."

Does she really expect me to agree to that? It's hard enough when I'm with a few classmates, how does she think I'll be able to cope with being in the crowds at the festival? There's a damn good reason why I chose to spend my day in the library and in here. Talk about trying to throw me in at the deep end! Still, I'm not in the mood for a confrontation with Lilly, so I say nothing. She can't see the change on my face, but Hisao can.

"I... I kinda think that we should just stay here..." Hisao comes to my rescue. I'm relieved when Lilly's next words reveal both mine and Hisao's error in judgement.

"Really? It's so crowded here that I was thinking we should leave the school and head for the local tea house."

"You mean the S-Shanghai?" That sounds like a much better plan. I quite enjoy going to the Shanghai, and Yuuko is likely to be working there today. I didn't see her in the library, after all.

"Of course. With everyone at the festival it should be practically empty." Just the way I like it.

"Tea house?" Of course, Hisao doesn't know about the Shanghai. He's not been there so far this week, I suppose. Well, it looks like Lilly and I will have to educate him.

"Oh, that's right," says Lilly. "You probably haven't heard of it. There is a tea house not far from here, which we go to every so often."

"Sounds like a plan." Hisao seems reasonably happy to visit there. "Hanako, what do you think?"

I jump slightly at being directly addressed, and have to fight the temptation to retreat into myself as I so often do. I'm glad that Hisao chose to seek my opinion though, rather than assuming I would be happy to go. As it turns out, I'm more than happy to visit the Shanghai, even if I feel a slight disappointment in abandoning our rematch. "If... if it's the Shanghai, I think it'll be nice." I don't just think it. I'm certain of it.

"Well then, it's settled. Let's be on our way." I notice smiles on everyone's faces to some extent. My own included. With a practised movement I quickly return the chess board and pieces to their proper place in the cupboard.

"Looks like we're ready now," says Hisao. "Please, lead on."

I walk close to Lilly, helping to guide her through the corridors, keeping clear wherever I hear too much sound. We make our way to the front gates, with Hisao following, and begin the descent down the hill. The noise from the festival is faint and the sun is starting to set, the sky a dark red.

"Strange," Hisao comments. "I thought that most people would be beginning to leave by now..."

"They're probably here to view the fireworks." I can hear just a hint of bitterness in Lilly's voice as she mentions the firework display that traditionally closes the school festival, but I'm not so sure Hisao notices.

"Fireworks?"

"Yes, apparently the school puts on quite a show. A lot of people come from town just to watch them."

I can't really blame them. The fireworks are visible from the town, so I won't be missing them, and for that I'm glad. They're the one part of the festival I can actually enjoy, and every year's display seems to be better than the last. It's good that we're headed out of the school, though. With so many people coming up, I'm better off downhill, though we see very few people walking the path. Most have already arrived, or plan to drive here. Still, I focus on the route ahead. Even the stares of the small number of fellow pedestrians is too much for me.

Soon enough, we've reached the Shanghai. From the outside it looks quite ordinary, but inside it's something else. I've rarely seen anywhere quite as traditional and rustic as the Shanghai, a quaint feel giving rise to a peaceful atmosphere that goes right through me. It's also quiet, since most of the town are now at Yamaku. Not that it tends to get too busy here anyway, though when it does I can easily hide in one of the high-backed booths. Yuuko always makes sure to reserve one if there's a chance Lilly and I will be stopping by. Speaking of Yuuko, she doesn't seem to be around right now...

"Er, is this place closed or something?" I find myself agreeing with Hisao's sentiment. Until a red-haired bespectacled figure suddenly jumps up from behind a booth.

"I wasn't asleep and welcome to the Shanghai!" Wasn't asleep. Right.

Yuuko rushes over from her resting place clutching a menu. Before she can say another word, however, Hisao asks the obvious question.

"You work here now? What happened to the library?"

"What? Lilly? Hisao?" I don't feel left out, like most people would at being ignored. Sometimes I suppose I can blend into the background a little too well, and Yuuko does look rather puzzled anyway. Best not to confuse her even more. "Welcome to the Shanghai!"

She bows low, much lower than one would expect a server to bow even in a place as old-fashioned as this. Her glasses, already askew from her 'not sleeping', slip even further down her face and fall to the floor. "Uweh? My glasses..." Hisao picks them up for her, while Lilly starts to explain to him why Yuuko is present.

"Yuuko works here part-time as well as at the library. It's one of the reasons we like to come here."

Yuuko takes her glasses back and responds, "Yes... that's right... thanks... Shall I show you to your table?" I look around and see nothing but empty tables. The place is completely deserted – as if Yuuko's snooze wasn't evidence enough of that. "There's no-one else here so you can choose your table and order whatever you like, but there may be a delay as I will have to make it myself..."

Lilly clearly agrees with me that there's no need to make a fuss. "It's all right, Yuuko. Just a pot of black tea and a plate of sandwiches will be fine."

"Right! I'll get right onto that!" Yuuko runs off towards the kitchens, only to return almost instantly. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, sit wherever you like! I'll be right back!" Yuuko has pretty much been like this for as long as I've known her. Slightly neurotic, eager to please everyone yet always nervous that she isn't doing a good job of it. Still, she's a genuinely good person. I just think she could be a bit more relaxed sometimes.

Hisao takes the lead, guiding Lilly and myself to a booth near the entrance, and sits down. Lilly and I also sit, the booth effectively cutting us off from the rest of the tea house. If anyone else walks in they wouldn't even know we were here.

"So, Hisao," says Lilly. "I didn't know you played chess..."

"Well, not very well, but I do know how to play." I assume they're both talking about Western chess as opposed to Shogi. I've never actually played Shogi against Lilly, though it would be interesting to try. I find the tactical aspect so much more complex, and much more fascinating, but I don't know if Lilly has any idea of the different rules.

"I suppose the obvious question would now be... who won?"

Lilly has such an innocent smile on her face, but her real thoughts are locked to me. Such an enigma, I have no idea what she hopes to find out here. Hisao's pause gives me a clue, though. I see a frown on his face, while I look rather sheepish, but there's no way for Lilly to pick up on that. I guess she wants to test Hisao rather than me for once – maybe to see how he reacts to the question. Whether he's a gracious victor or a sore loser. Either way, I decide to put them both out of their misery.

"H-Hisao did."

"Yes... but, uh, not by much..." Hisao's voice is full of guilt for beating me. He appears to be downplaying the result purely so it doesn't seem like he hurt my feelings. I wish he wasn't treating me like a fragile doll, but I appreciate the sentiment. It's rather amusing to see him so flat footed.

"Well done, Hisao. You've accomplished something I've only ever failed at." To be fair, it is more difficult for Lilly to play chess. She has to remember the locations of all the pieces, keeping a detailed play-by-play run-through of the game in her head. Or feel every piece and remember which are black and which are white. Then again, blindfold chess is a good way to improve the strength of most regular players. Strictly speaking she should be getting much better with every game...

"Er, thanks," replies Hisao. "I haven't played in ages, so it felt good to play again."

"Y... yes... It did." My nerves show as I start to play with my hair a little, but I can't avoid a little smile.

As we discuss the chess game, Yuuko makes her return, carrying a tray with a large pot of tea, cups and saucers, and a plate of sandwiches. "Are you alright there, Yuuko?" asks Hisao. "Do you need a hand?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. I have to do this properly, it's my job."

So obsessive about her work. She looks down at the tray, staring as if she's willing it to stay steady. It doesn't work. Everything is rattling hard as she gently lowers the tray, placing it on the table with a gentle crash. "There, see!"

"Err, well done?" says Hisao, looking rather baffled.

"Thank you, Yuuko," Lilly says. Yuuko bows once more, head low again.

"You're very welcome."

"Would you like to join us? There's something else I'd like to discuss about that recent order, if I may..." Lilly was telling me the other evening that she'd ordered a lot of books in Braille, as part of her duties as class rep. There was only a limited selection until a few weeks ago, and she told me the blind students were getting somewhat annoyed at what they felt was ignorance regarding their own requirements. Now they need sorting, and Lilly had agreed to help Yuuko organise them.

"Ah, yes," comes the response from Yuuko. "We didn't get the chance to go through them, did we?" She sits down quickly. "I'll be in the library tomorrow afternoon if you'd like to try again..."

"That sounds perfect. I'll meet you there after classes."

I interject here. Lilly's actually forgotten something rather important... "Um... L-Lilly..."

"Oh dear, that's right. Tomorrow is Monday, how could I have forgotten?" I can't really comment here, given what I did on Friday... "Well, perhaps we could come to some other arrangement..." Lilly says. "Yuuko, will you be in the library later this week?"

"Hmm, maybe, but this is already overdue..." Yuuko is pulling Lilly one way...

"A-and there are some... things I n-need..." And I'm pulling her the other. I feel bad, but I need to stand up for what I want for once.

"This might be a problem..." Lilly sounds defeated, but she has to make a choice. Of course, Lilly being Lilly, she decides to take a third option. "I wonder, might we be able to enlist the help of another, if need be...?"

Hisao picks up on who she's referring to, but he doesn't seem to understand what she means. "Um, to do what? You lost me quite some time ago..."

"Oh, of course. The other day I was helping Yuuko sort the new Braille books in the library. But Hanako and I usually go shopping on Monday afternoons; it's much quieter on that day than on weekends." Fridays are a rare occurrence, for essentials, but Mondays are the main shop for the two of us. And truth be told, I really do need to go tomorrow. For reasons that Hisao, as a man, would probably not understand... Lilly continues. "Last week we couldn't go because I was busy with the festival. I managed to slip away later in the week, but Hanako couldn't make it."

She's being quite diplomatic, telling a half-truth while sparing my embarrassment at forgetting to meet Lilly when I did. I'm grateful to her for that. I don't think I could easily face Hisao if he knew about my lapse of memory, although I wouldn't be surprised if he suspected something anyway.

"Well, since I can't read Braille, I'm assuming you'd like me to go shopping with Hanako?"

I look at Hisao with a face like a rabbit in headlights, as I'm certain I've looked before at him. I can't blame Lilly, though. It's a sensible request and solves the problem for her, if Hisao agrees to it. It might be nice to spend more time with him, but then again it might be pretty damn awkward. As usual. And I'd rather be with Lilly than Hisao when buying my... feminine essentials, but they can always wait a few more days.

"Correct," replies Lilly. "You were a great help to me the other day."

"I think I can handle that. Hanako, what do you think?"

It's hard for me to say anything, but I manage it anyway. I guess it won't be so bad, given the extent to which Hisao and I seem to be getting on now. At least, as much as I can get on with anyone. "I-if you wouldn't mind..."

"Of course not. I'm still not familiar with all the stores in the area, so it sounds like a good idea."

"O-okay." I can help him in learning more about the layout of the town, too, and maybe I'll get a chance to show how useful and how strong I can be. Maybe I'll have the courage to take the lead on tomorrow's little journey.

"Now that we have that arranged, shall we have some tea?" The pot is still sitting in the middle of the table, probably cold by this point. It doesn't matter much to me, I don't mind cold tea, but Yuuko still has her nerves shattered trying to make up for her apparent lack of duty.

"It's my fault! Let me pour that for you..." Hisao reaches the pot before she does, however, and starts to pour instead.

"It's alright, I've got it. Since you've already made the tea and sandwiches, you've fulfilled your waitress duties, right?"

"I... I guess..." She doesn't sound so sure.

Before we can begin eating and drinking, a loud bang is heard from outside, and a bright flash. I jump a little at the sound but soon realise what's going on.

"Ah, I take it the show has started." She may not be able to see the fireworks, but Lilly's hearing is as good as most people's. Possibly a bit better, to compensate for her lack of sight. Not that anyone but Shizune could fail to hear the explosions coming from the sky. Really though, I hadn't even realised how much time had passed since we left the school grounds.

"Let's go watch!" Yuuko's waitress duties are all but forgotten as she rushes across to the window, Hisao and I following close behind. "Oh... sorry, Lilly..." Maybe she heard the faint bitter tone in Lilly's voice too?

Lilly takes it in stride, though, and in her usual fashion is as charming and understanding as ever. "Please, don't miss the show on my account. From what I've heard, this isn't a bad location to watch them from."

I love the fireworks. It may seem odd, given the reasons for my condition, but there's always been something about the beauty of the lights in the sky that appealed to me. I know I'm not pretty, but I appreciate beauty elsewhere, regardless of its form. Bright lights shining against such a dark background. It's wonderful to see them before they burn themselves out and fade away...

Fade away they do. Soon enough the show is over, too quickly for my liking, but fireworks cost a lot of money, and even though Yamaku puts a massive amount of effort into the festival compared to other schools, it still has a limited budget to use. We turn to go back to the table with our tea and sandwiches. Before Hisao leaves the window, though, I turn to face him. I want him to know how grateful I am to him for making me feel less lonely. It's hard for me to say anything, especially considering how quiet I usually am, but the words come readily.

"Um, t-thanks for today... and tomorrow."

I smile at him as he replies. "That's okay. I don't think that I could have faced those crowds either. On days like this, it's more relaxing to spend some time away from everyone, don't you think?"

My sentiments exactly. "Y-yeah."

"Anyway, we've been delaying this tea for far too long now, let's get back."

"S-sure." He's right, but it's only as I sit down that I think about how cold the tea will be by this point. I lightly touch the side of my cup as Lilly begins to speak – sure enough, the cup is like ice.

"That sounded impressive," says Lilly, no trace of her earlier disappointment. "Bigger than last year's, at least."

Yuuko is full of excitement, her enthusiasm shining like the fireworks themselves. "Yeah, it was great! I've never seen them put on such a show. It gets better every year!"

"I'm afraid, however, that during that time the tea has gone cold." The frown on Lilly's face isn't one of annoyance, but rather a look of resignation, as if she's simply informing us of the state of our tea before we begin to drink. Yuuko doesn't take it that way, however. Not that she sees Lilly's comment as a criticism, but Yuuko is more prone to criticising herself. Maybe something we have in common? Except I have good reason to do so to myself, whereas she doesn't...

"Oh no! Let me make some more! This is my fault..."

"Calm down, Yuuko, it's nobody's fault." Again, Hisao is the voice of reason. Whenever he takes the chance to defend someone or help someone I feel conflicted. I dislike his tendency to be a white knight for everyone, and I hate it when Lilly does the same for me. I want to stand on my own two feet. But at the same time, seeing Hisao act in such a way for others is rather sweet. It makes me admire him even more. I'm really not sure what I should be feeling, as a matter of fact.

Hisao takes a sip from his cup of tea, licking his lips with clear enjoyment. "This tea isn't too bad cool, anyway. It's like an iced tea."

"Really?" asks Yuuko. I can agree with him actually. After tasting my own cup, I can see Hisao's point.

"Yes, really. If you add a bit of sugar it's kind of nice."

"Are you sure?" Yuuko the skeptic.

"I'm positive. Now, why don't you sit down, and we'll finish this together?"

"O-okay." She sits down in the only free space, next to Hisao. No sooner has she done so than she measures out five spoons of sugar and tips them into her teacup. I've often thought, seeing her drinking tea in her office in the library, that if she isn't careful she'll end up at Yamaku as a student herself. Diabetes, more than likely.

"Er, I said a bit of sugar..." Hisao is alarmed, while Lilly can't see the sheer amount of sugar Yuuko has taken.

"I know, but I like my tea sweet anyway." I'll say. Hisao looks across, into her cup, and I too steal a glance. The sugar is just a lump sitting at the bottom of the cup, even after stirring. Until Yuuko takes a large gulp, of course, and soon there's nothing left in her cup at all. "You're right! That's not bad at all!" she cries out.

"Er, good..." Hisao does the same, while Lilly and I are both already done. "Well then, it seems we're all finished."

"Should we head back now, or do we want seconds?" Lilly's query is reasonable, but I'm not exactly hungry any more, and I can see the look on Yuuko's face. She may take her work very seriously, perhaps a little too seriously, but even she has her limits. Hisao has also seen it, and heads off any further discussion on the matter early.

"I think that it would be best if we got back soon. We do have to get back before curfew, after all."

"Oh," replies Lilly. "That is a good point." Yuuko looks relieved, massively so, and I can hardly blame her. "I'll meet you tomorrow, Yuuko." Lilly is clearly referring to their arrangements regarding the Braille books.

"I'll be looking forward to it, Lilly. Goodnight, everyone."

We make our goodbyes and begin the long walk uphill, back to Yamaku. Because of the festival, curfew has been extended tonight, so we have more time to return than we would normally have, but we hurry anyway. I feel much less self-conscious walking in the dark, where fewer people can notice my scars, but I still lead us along a few more minor streets to avoid the bulk of the returning crowd. When we arrive at Yamaku, standing outside the dormitories, Hisao bids Lilly and I farewell.

"Well then, thank you both for today. I think I learned a lot."

"You're most welcome," says Lilly, "but I'm afraid that I really must be going. Today's been a long day." She has spent half of it on her class stall, after all, and the walk uphill can be very draining even when not carrying bags of shopping, as we usually do.

"Sure thing. Well then, I'll see you both tomorrow. Good night."

"Good night, Hisao," comes Lilly's response.

"N-night," I stammer. Lilly and I leave Hisao to his own journey back, as we walk across to the girl's dorm.

"So, how was it all for you?" Lilly asks. We're both aware the conversation won't be very long, as we are both somewhat exhausted after today, but I answer anyway.

"It was... fun. I-I enjoyed spending time with H-Hisao." I'm stuttering, as usual, but I'm smiling too. Lilly won't be able to see that, but she can surely hear the happiness in my tone of voice. She smiles too, in my general direction, as we enter the girls' dormitory building.

"I'm glad to hear it. You two get along so well..." With that, Lilly heads up the stairs alone, leaving me to wonder what she means. I get the feeling she senses something that I don't. Wondering at what that might be, I follow her upstairs and retreat to my own room for a well earned rest.


	7. Act 2, Chapter 1: Rosemary and Thyme

**Act 2 – Chapter One: Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme...**

I awaken slightly later than usual, but today I have every intention of going to class. If only because I want to see Hisao again. It's a very new feeling, a very strange one, but I don't feel like avoiding him today. I'm a little embarrassed, yes, but I feel like I can stand up to whatever glances come my way, whatever judgemental looks I get, if I'm there with him.

I can't avoid being a little late, though. Fortunately, Mutou-sensei hasn't arrived yet. Misha and Shizune, on the other hand...

"G... good morning, Hisao." I enter the classroom and gently close the door behind me, ignoring the pointed look from Shizune and the naturally confused expression on Misha's face.

"Morning, Hanako. You're a little late, aren't you?"

"I... was talking to Lilly. A... about today." Turns out we were both more tired last night than we'd realised, and we both overslept. We walked together to class, chatting about the night before. As well as the potential aftermath. I was curious to figure out what she meant with her comment last night, about how well Hisao and I get on, but she wouldn't give me any more details. I wonder... never mind. She gave me her shopping list anyway, so I know what she needs later.

"Ah, so you've got her list then? We can leave straight after classes in that case."

"S-sure."

"I'm looking forward to it." At this I smile briefly, while noticing a glare coming my way. I guess Shizune had other plans for Hisao today. Not that she'd get very far with them anyway. Today, Hisao is mine! Time Shizune learned that not everything she wants is going to happen, and Hisao's attention can be directed elsewhere. I head to my seat as Mutou-sensei arrives, and classes begin.

It's actually rather boring. We get exercises set from the textbook and very little else to do. Everyone, Mutou included, is feeling the effect of yesterday, and it looks like everyone wants to return to the carefree fun of the festival. No such luck. Even I jump a little when the bell rings at the end, signalling the end of our apparent learning time. I look across at Hisao while packing my books away. As I predicted, Misha and Shizune have already got him cornered. I should probably step in and steal him away for our trip to town, but Shizune scares me. Just like most people, except more so.

"Say, Hicchan, it's still not too late to join up," comes Misha's voice. "There's a lot of post-festival paperwork for us to complete..."

"Er, sorry Misha, I've... got plans." I guess this is my cue. Misha is already looking at me as I start to walk over. I can guess what she's thinking. Something more... risque than I would consider. She isn't jealous, is she? Then again, seeing how close she is to Shizune... wait. Could Shizune be the jealous one? Hell, I'm starting to feel a little jealous myself... I push the thoughts away. I barely know Hisao, and I never let anyone that close. Although I've let Hisao this far. Maybe I could open up a little more. Perhaps, when the time is right.

Misha laughs as I get closer. Yeah. Risque thoughts. "BWAHAHA! You move fast, don't you, Hicchan? We won't disturb your date any further! Bwahaha!"

Date? How could she think... well, I suppose it looks a bit suspicious. Hisao and I spending time alone together, when the most I've managed before with anyone but Lilly has been a brief session of work in class, or the like. I look at Shizune to get her reaction, but she's deliberately avoiding both my gaze and Hisao's. I can't tell if she's angry, upset, jealous, annoyed, or just bored. Though if she was any of those things, I'd be the last person she made it clear to. Well, the second-to-last. Lilly would take that 'honour'.

My eyes lower, my retreat obvious in my embarrassment. I gently pull on Hisao's sleeve to get his attention. I want to be able to face down Misha and Shizune, but I shy away from the confrontation, and besides, it would just serve to confirm Misha's assumptions. Not everyone has gone either, and a few curious looks are directed our way

"L... let's..." Hisao knows what I'm trying to say.

"Gotcha. Shizune, Misha, I'll see you later. And I'm still not interested in the council."

"Spoilsport," says Misha, grinning at me. Her eyes are closed and her face looks so mischievous, or, dare I say it, flirtatious. Would that be on Shizune's behalf towards Hisao, or her own thoughts? Towards him, or me? I'm guessing not me. I can only speculate idly, but she has always been attached to Shizune at the hip. Almost literally, in fact. She's never given any signs, but I remain curious...

They leave before we do, chatting in sign language as they walk out to the hall. As the classroom empties, Hisao and I are finally left alone.

"Got all your stuff?" he asks. "Let's head off."

We head out together, approaching the school gates. We're not the only ones. Although the majority of students at Yamaku live on campus, a sizeable portion don't, meaning they leave at the same time as Lilly and I usually do on a Monday. As we walk, I move a little closer to Hisao. It's not the same as when I walk close to Lilly, but until now I have always kept Hisao at least at arm's length. Something has changed between us. I can sense it, I want to know if he has too.

I don't show it, though. I try, but something holds me back. I'm so nervous, I can feel the blood draining from my knuckles as I squeeze the straps of my bag. It hurts a little. I keep my mouth closed, my lips tight, my face pointing down. My eyes are staring at the road ahead as we walk. I can't bring myself to acknowledge Hisao, nor any of the other students going into town. I can feel them watching us, judging us. At least when I'm with Lilly I can get closer, almost hiding my face in her long golden hair, and with us both being girls it's not so strange to see us together. What are people assuming when they see me walking with a boy? No, not a boy. A young man. Misha may have been the first to notice, but she'll hardly be the last. Everyone else will draw the same conclusions about me walking with Hisao...

I have no idea what Hisao's thought process has been, but I hear a strange sound coming from him. It's almost like a suppressed cough, but there's a hint of something else...

"W-what's the matter...?"

"Sorry. For a second there, it looked like you were getting into trouble." He's awfully blunt about it. I don't understand what he's talking about, either way.

"W-w-what do you mean?"

"I think you need to relax a little. We're not going too far, and it's only students around, right?"

I pause for a moment. "R-right." If only it were so easy. I can't get Misha's cheeky smile out of my head, and it bothers me, the thoughts she had. It's not far off the truth, or rather, what I'd like to be the truth, but I feel so conflicted! So nervous, and to be honest, a little scared..."

I realise Hisao has continued speaking. "And you do this every week, don't you?" He has a point, I'll give him that.

"Y-yes. With Lilly." I make a point of saying that. He needs to understand how different the situation is today. Especially after the festival...

"Well, I'm here. Besides, we're not going far. It'll be over before you know it." I suppose so. Normally Lilly and I take a while to finish our shop, but since this time I'm with somebody who has full vision, things might go a bit quicker. I'm almost sad that I won't be spending as much time with Hisao as we could have done, but if it means avoiding the stares from our fellow students I'd rather get this over with. I smile a little, but the full effect doesn't come through. My hands start to regain a little colour, though, and my grip on the bag straps loosens considerably. We carry on walking in silence, however, I feel a little more confident, enough to actually look up this time.

When we reach the convenience store, no-one else is present. I guess more than a few students were headed for the Shanghai instead, or else the small park here in town. Hisao and I enter and pick out baskets, one for me and Lilly, and one for Hisao himself. I have a recipe in mind, and I need thyme, though Hisao looks confused when he sees the herbs on selection. Maybe rosemary too? Or maybe not. I find myself unconsciously keeping Hisao between myself and the store attendant, even when the attendant pays me no attention. I know it's not a problem for him, as many of Yamaku's students are regular customers here. It's all perfectly natural to him to see disabled people walking through his doors. It's just a habit of mine, but one that's very hard to break.

We walk around the store and I pick out my own required ingredients. When I'm done, I hand my basket to Hisao, along with a few crumpled bank notes. It's the same as what I do with Lilly when we come here together. I'm not exactly confident enough to approach the checkout myself.

"C-c-could you p-please..." I stammer. Hisao pauses for a moment, trying to work out what I need him to do for me.

"Oh, you want me to pay for this?" I nod in reply, but keep my head down. "Sure. Lemme just grab a couple of things..." He quickly moves away and throws some essentials into his own basket.

I stay behind Hisao as he approaches the checkout. I realise my actions aren't quite rational, as the attendant hardly pays any attention to either of us as he scans the items in our baskets. It doesn't change anything for me anyway, and I still keep as hidden as possible.

Our shopping complete, Hisao and I leave the store and begin the long walk home. The streets are relatively deserted, as is the road uphill to Yamaku. Maybe it shows, as I don't appear as reserved and timid as I did on the journey down. Instead, my back is straight, head up, as I carry my own shopping bag in one hand and Lilly's in the other. Things seem like they could be normal.

"So, why all these weird things," asks Hisao. "Mixed spice? Why would you need that in school?"

This is something I can talk about. It might be nice to share something with Hisao, when there's so little else I feel prepared to discuss with him. Food is one of my few passions, similar to my love of chess. I feel glad to be able to avoid the awkward silence as I answer. I still stammer, of course, but that's a regular feature of my conversation even with Lilly.

"I... sometimes... like to m-make food."

"Well, yeah, so do I, but... spices? That's a little more advanced, don't you think?"

"N-not really..." I guess Hisao isn't exactly a connoisseur of fine foods. That being said, some of my 'experiments' have, shall we say, turned out better than others...

"Well, I think it's cool. You'll have to teach me one day." Oh Hisao, you certainly know how to make a girl smile... is my first thought. One that I quickly bury in my reservation. I still smile a little, even so.

"S-sure."

It isn't very long before we're standing outside the dormitories. I look over at Rin's mural on the wall – apparently she managed to finish it in time for the festival, but I don't really know what to make of it myself. It certainly looks... unique. I tear my gaze away and begin to sort out the bags that Hisao and I are carrying. Some of our things have been mixed in together for easier carrying, but I know what I needed and we have Lilly's list to guide us on her items. Most of the fancy stuff goes into my bag, while Lilly and Hisao both make do with the basics.

"I tell you, you're putting me to shame here..." Hisao has picked up on the stark difference between our grocery needs.

"N-no I'm not... I just..." I reply, flustered at the attention he's giving my ingredients.

I still haven't bought my own 'feminine essentials', but that can wait. I'll ask Lilly if we can go back to town for them soon, when we next visit the Shanghai, or if she could pick them up next time she sees her sister. However soon that may be.

"I'm only joking," says Hisao. He can't stay long, it seems. "I have a stack of homework that I skipped last week, so I must leave now. Will you be alright getting that to your room?" Ever the gentleman. I almost wish he could stay a little longer, but I'm not so comfortable in bringing him back to my dorm just yet. Besides, his work is more important.

"Y-yeah."

"Sure? Okay then. I'll see you tomorrow."

"B-bye." I smile again, ever so slightly, as we say our goodbyes and turn away to our respective dorms. I pick up mine and Lilly's things and make my way to the kitchen in the girls' dorm, carefully labelling my own items and putting them away. I can hear an old song on someone's radio in the common area – Scarborough Fair. I used to have a problem with people taking some of the fancier things I bought, until they realised they had no idea what to do with them in a meal. The petty theft soon stopped, and the quality of the meals the other girls were preparing apparently went up. I take Lilly's items to my own room for now. She has a small fridge and a cupboard in her room for food, since it's easier for her than searching every cupboard downstairs for anything labelled in Braille – not that I can read Braille in the first place.

A few hours later, Lilly returns to the dorm. I'm sitting in my bedroom, walls bare and white and furnishings minimal. I hear a knock on my door, followed by a soft voice that sounds oh so familiar.

"Hanako? It's me, Lilly." It could hardly be anyone else, as Lilly is my only regular visitor. I suppose it could have been Misha, complaining for Shizune about me stealing Hisao away this afternoon, but she would be much louder. Plus, she'd probably try the door to see if it was open first.

"I'm here, Lilly. C-come in." The door is open, as a matter of fact. I lock it when I don't want to be disturbed, which to be fair is most of the time, but my time today has been a bit more enjoyable than usual. I'm in a state of mind where I feel I can almost face the world, if only a little.

Lilly enters the room, closes the door, and skilfully manoeuvres her way towards the solitary chair, feeling her way across. I stay on my bed, legs crossed and clutching a cushion. I rarely take the initiative, but I'm in a good mood right now.

"H... how was your thing with... with Yuuko?"

Lilly looks a touch surprised, but she smiles a little too as she replies. I don't think she really expected me to ask the question myself, before she had the chance to speak.

"It was fine, Hanako. Thank you. Everything's sorted now, and hopefully my own class will be a bit happier about the selection."

"T-that's... good to hear."

"How about you? I trust you managed to get everything you needed?"

"N... not everything..." I say. I still didn't get the things I need for, well, my monthly routine. "I bought all the... all the ingredients I w-wanted, though."

Lilly's face is full of understanding. We've known each other for long enough that she realises what I mean. If I managed to get all the food I wanted to buy then there's only one thing left that I could particularly need.

"It's okay, Hanako. I managed to pick something up the other day. I'll bring them to your room a little later." How did she manage that without Hisao noticing, if she bought them on Friday? Unless she didn't care if he saw. Unlike me.

"T-that reminds me... I m-managed to get y-your stuff, too..." I get up and take the bag containing Lilly's items from the cupboard in which I'd stored it. Passing it to her, she puts it on the ground next to her cane that rests against the wall.

"Thank you," Lilly says. "So, what did Hisao think of your shopping list?"

She smiles again, but it's a bit wider this time, and a lot cheekier. I blush at this side of Lilly, and at the implications in her comment, though of course she can't see my cheeks turning red.

"I... I'm not... sure..." I stammer more than usual now, and Lilly can most definitely hear it. "I-I think he... he was a b-bit... impressed... to be honest..."

"Impressed? Has he tasted your food yet then?" Sandwiches aside, that stings. But Lilly's face is full of innocence, and I can hardly be angry at her attempt to bring a little humour to the conversation. I smile as well and respond in kind.

"I... I'm sure he'd l-love it more than y-yours..."

"Ah, a low blow indeed." She starts to laugh, and I do too, our voices ringing through the room and into the corridor. It's so rare that I get moments like this, I have to make the most of them when they occur. Maybe if I get the chance with Hisao, we could have moments like this too. If I can gather the courage to actually show my heart to him and reveal myself, everything about me. My thoughts and feelings, my whole life. Maybe in Hisao, I could do something that has happened so few times before, and never with a boy. I could honestly say that I managed to find a true friend...


	8. Act 2, Chapter 2: Of Rice & Saving Grace

**Act 2 – Chapter Two: Of Rice and Saving Graces**

It's hot. Thee whole day has been nothing but a wave of heat hitting the classroom, and I can't even retreat to the library to cool down. No air conditioning there. Misha decided to have her top buttons undone half the day, which can't have cooled her down much but did serve to have half the male population of our class drooling. I never really thought of her as 'that' type, but no matter. I did feel a stab of jealousy when I saw Hisao looking at one point, but I guess I can't blame him. Much.

By the time the bell sounds for lunch, everyone is lethargic enough from the summer sun that they struggle to even leave the room to go eat. I hang around a little though, hoping to catch someone in particular...

"H... Hisao?"

"Hey there, Hanako," he replies. "What can I do for you today?"

I lift my hand to show Hisao the bag I'm carrying. I don't even need to say anything, my idea is so obvious. I smile and still ask, just as a formality more than anything else, but also because last night I realised I should start taking the initiative a bit more often. After all, that's exactly why I'm here now.

"Um... would you like to have lunch with us again? I... I brought enough for everyone..."

Hisao smiles back at me, though he can see how nervous I was asking him to lunch. It was pretty tough, but I feel better for asking without relying on Lilly to be here. "Awesome. You don't have to be so stiff about it, though."

"Ah... right."

"I take it we're going to the tea room?"

His last comment caught me off guard a little, but although I get a bit flustered I don't regret anything. "P...please. Lilly said she'll meet us in there, so we should... should..."

"Should?"

"...should go ahead together..."

I would be lying if I said this was entirely my idea. But to be fair, I did make the suggestion for Lilly to go on ahead without us. Ultimately, it was a joint effort. But I tried to be at least a bit assertive. Whether Lilly caught on or not, I can't tell, but she seemed pleased that I wanted to spend more time with Hisao. Even if I am still a bit embarrassed by the stares we received on the journey to town yesterday evening.

As I continue to smile, rather sheepishly, at Hisao, he responds to my comment with a clear enthusiasm. "Sounds like a plan. This heat has made me pretty hungry." I sigh with relief, glad to have been successful in my first real attempt to socialise with someone. He packs his things into his bag, and we make our way to the tea room.

When we get there, Lilly is nowhere to be seen. Maybe she was held up, or maybe she decided to give Hisao and I a bit of space before her arrival. Either way, there's no point in waiting for her without knowing what the hold-up is, so I start to lay out the food I've packed. Ultimately, this was my plan, as I suggested last night to Lilly. Seeing Hisao scanning the herbs in the store with his look of bewilderment inspired me to make something extra special. I ended up buying more than I really needed, meaning I had plenty of ingredients to come up with another of my experiments. It's not much, really, and I did make sure to taste it beforehand, though Lilly's judgement may be a little harsher. No less polite, of course, but still...

"I guess Lilly isn't here yet. Should we start without her?" Hisao's voice is one of concern, as if it's rude to begin preparing without Lilly being here. We already discussed it last night, though, the two of us, and Lilly agreed then that if one of us was late, the other should still make good use of the time available. Lunch can often pass quickly at Yamaku, especially in the tea room, with remarkable speed. I should still say something to assuage Hisao's concern.

"S-she'll be here soon..." I pick up the rice container and try to prise it open, only to meet with what appears to be a tight seal. I swear it wasn't so difficult to open when I was putting the rice in there...

"Here, let me help with that."

Hisao takes the container from me, only to hit the same wall as I did. (Let me guess, did you put this in while the rice was still hot?"

"Y-yes, I was in a rush..." I avert his gaze, looking sheepish at my schoolgirl error. The rice clearly must have expanded while hot, then shrunk and created a vacuum after being shut in the plastic box. The vacuum would have sealed it completely airtight.

"I thought so. It looks like this is wedged shut. We'll need some hot water to get it open." I agree. The hot water will cause the lid to expand and make it much easier to pry the lid off. "But that could be a pain in here. We'd get water everywhere."

I look down at my feet, still embarrassed, but he's right. We could always go to a bathroom to heat the lid, but we're running out of preparation time. Soon enough the lunch period will be over, and we'll have to return to class. It's such a shame, too. I'd used a special blend of spices to give the rice flavour, and I was so looking forward to hearing Hisao's opinion on it...

We're saved, however, by Lilly's timely arrival. "Well, in that case, how about I contribute to today's meal?" As she enters, she carries a bag full of bread rolls and buns. This wasn't part of the plan... though I'm not complaining. "Since you two had a change of plans because of me, I thought I would bring a little something."

"Thanks, Lilly," says Hisao, smiling. "Here, let me get that for you..." He places the rolls and buns in the bowl originally intended for my rice, adding it to my own platter, before beginning the process of brewing a pot of tea. "Well, I'm looking forward to this."

As he starts to eat while the water boils, I try not to stare. Even so, I can't help but search his face through the corner of my eye for signs of approval or disgust. I know it tastes good, I tried it myself, but I'd rather hear Hisao say it. He's a bit less biased, after all.

"Not bad, I guess this is made with the stuff you bought yesterday?"

"Y-yes." Spot on. I continue watching Hisao, hoping he'll say something else. I'm glad he seems to like it, but the more feedback I have, the better.

"Well, it was clearly worth it. Thanks, Hanako."

I'm so pleased that he likes it. "I... I wanted to show you this... after yesterday..."

"It's okay. I was just a little surprised at the stuff you were buying." And little does he know that half of it was for his benefit.

"Hanako's always liked to experiment when it comes to food. I think it's good... most... of the time." As Lilly speaks, my eyes turn to her, and her smile. It's only now that I notice her plate hasn't been touched, and her chopsticks lie on the side unbroken. How sneaky can she get? Making Hisao try my food before she dares to! I'm almost impressed, but I try to feel annoyed at her. I can't quite manage it though, given I know as well as she does just how some of my previous concoctions have turned out. Still, Hisao and I will need to get some sort of revenge on her later. Maybe I can deliberately make something terrible, and Hisao can trick her into thinking it's good...

"Well, it's good, and that's all that counts, right?" Exactly! Now you can start eating, Lilly. Go right ahead!

"R-right." I don't let anyone see my thoughts of vengeance as I stammer like usual. Instead, I wait for Lilly to finish filling her plate with the other parts of the meal, and for Hisao to start eating. I load my own plate and begin.

Later, we're finished with time left before the bell rings and classes restart. The rice is still untouched, but I can always free it and eat it later. I might save some for Hisao tomorrow, if I remember. The rest of the meal is gone, with everyone apparently feeling full. Myself included.

"Thank you Hanako, that was filling," says Lilly, still with a cheeky grin on her face. She ate it anyway, so I claim a victory in my own book. And she did provide the bread, so it would have been poor form for her to not even touch that.

"N-no... thank you for the bread..."

"Yes, it would have been a disaster if not for that." Hisao plays the diplomat, but he's right. I am grateful to her for that saving grace.

"You're both welcome." Lilly's smile turns less cheeky, and more warm, her eyes closed in contentment. "But now, I must be getting back. It's far too easy to be late after eating here."

She has a point, and I wonder to myself if the bell has already sounded. It's sometimes tough to tell in here, though really the entire school is supposed to be wired to ring out the sound wherever people congregate. I guess this must be an older part of the building, or maybe the bell within our earshot no longer works and was never fixed. In any case, the only way to tell is by our watches. It's definitely near the end of the lunch period.

"Yeah," Hisao replies, "I see what you mean. I think we'll just clean up here and then head off." That sounds good to me.

"Well then, good day." We bid Lilly our own farewells as she turns and leaves, the sound of her cane fading into the corridor as she walks. Hisao and I pack everything away, and sit around until the bell suddenly sounds, loud and clear. I guess it does work after all. I never really thought about it before.

Hisao shoots me a glance as we listen to the clamour, but I don't quite feel like leaving just yet. I want to stay a while, savouring the moment. This brief period of rest, with someone who I can be myself with, no matter how nervous I get. If he treated me a bit less delicately then it would be a perfect moment.

"Not... just yet..." I say.

We wait a little longer, my eyes closed in tranquillity. I wonder if this is how Lilly feels whenever she closes her eyes? There's not much more reason for her to close them, after all, as it has little real effect. It's so peaceful. Eventually, Hisao grows impatient.

"We really should go... people will freak out and start a search party if we skip..."

I sigh a little. "You're right." We leave, and make our way back to the classroom. I almost feel like ditching class and going to the library, but would Hisao choose to come with me, or elect to return to lessons? I'd want him to follow, but I have no right to ask him to skip class too. Even if it was his own decision, I'd feel bad for giving him the idea. And if he skips out it's worse than when I do so. As Lilly mentioned to me that he has a heart condition, an absence of Hisao would set off alarm bells for the faculty and nursing staff. His comment about a search party wouldn't be mere hyperbole. At least I have an understanding with Mutou-sensei, plus my condition is hardly life threatening. Not any more, at any rate. They took me off suicide watch a long time ago.

When we reach the classroom, I take a position behind Hisao, as he opens the door, an apologetic look prepared for Mutou-sensei.

"I'm sorry we're late, teacher."

Silence. For a brief moment, I hear nothing, until suddenly a very faint sniggering sound begins to build up into full blown laughter. I can see just a little into the room from my vantage point behind Hisao, and everyone seems to be holding in their laughter. Misha, of course, can't quite contain herself. I'm annoyed, a little. She could at least make the effort to try...

"Pffff... wahahaha! The lovers return! WAHAHA!"

So, Mutou is just as late as Hisao and I. More so, rather. It's not lost on everyone else that the two of us have arrived together, either. I don't know what to think. Whatever people had in their minds yesterday, the situation now is worse by a hundred-fold. People will talk, and I don't know whether I do feel that way, or if the situation between Hisao and I is nothing more than just friendship. I've only known him for just over a week, after all. But gossip will happen whatever the situation may be, especially where Misha is concerned, and it hardly makes my own circumstances easier to hear it like this.

There's no helping it. I can't run away now, that will only serve to add more 'proof' to Misha's wild speculations. Plus, it would be unfair of me to leave Hisao here on his own to face the stares of the class.

"Yeah, thanks," he says in response to Misha's giggling. "You can calm down now."

Keeping the entire class mentally at bay, I press myself as close to Hisao as possible to hide myself, until we reach his desk. I'm just able to make the short walk, quickly, to my own desk and hide my face in my arms as I sit down. Before he does the same, Hisao follows me and whispers briefly in my ear.

"Don't worry about Misha, she's always like this. I enjoyed myself today. Don't sweat it, okay?"

I nod a little, my head still wrapped by my arms, but stay hidden. I do feel a tiny bit better with Hisao's consolation, but around me I can still hear Misha trying to keep her laughter quiet (a vain hope), along with the muffled giggles from at least half the rest of the class. In fact Suzu is the only one to not be laughing, and that's only because she's asleep, like most of the time. Even Shizune has a smile on her face, though her amusement obviously can't be heard.

Just as Hisao finishes speaking, he is forced to return to his seat in a rush, as Mutou-sensei decides to enter the room. He's already in the middle of a lecture, apparently forgetting outside the classroom that he wasn't actually speaking to anyone yet.

"...which, of course, is directly proportional to the charge but inversely proportional to the square of the distance..."

As Mutou drones on obliviously, I hear Misha approximate as close to a whisper as she can manage. Somehow, the teacher doesn't pick up on this, but I've never known that man to let anything get in his way once he's on a roll. It sounds like she's talking to Hisao. I don't want to eavesdrop, but I'm definitely interested in hearing what she has to say, if only because I'd rather know if she's saying anything about me, rather than wait until Hisao tells me second-hand.

"The teacher may not have noticed your tardiness, but I did." I lift my head from my arms long enough to see that most of the stares are gone, redirected towards Mutou instead. Misha is leaning across to speak to Hisao, while Shizune is very deliberately looking out of the window. Clearly, Misha is translating for her, but they're being very coy about it.

"I have been instructed to let you off the hook for today," she continues, "but only on one condition."

"Oh? And what would that be?" I'm certain Hisao knows full well what they want him to do. It's all Shizune ever tries to do with most people.

"You have to help us this afternoon!" I knew it. They were desperate for him to help the Student Council yesterday, and I stole him away to go shopping in town. It makes perfect sense they'd try again now. Blackmail though, is a bit extreme... no. For Shizune it's just another perfectly valid tool to get her own way. I can certainly see why she and Lilly don't get along, and I wasn't even part of the council back then...

"Fine. Just for today." Hisao is taking the easy way out, and I can't blame him. A choice between constantly being pestered by Misha and Shizune, or giving in just once with the promise of future relief, is hardly a choice at all. "I've already told you, I'm not joining the council, remember?"

As if they'll keep that in mind. "Of course!" says Misha. "Doing so could be considered... um, considered..." She looks down at her notebook, as if reading from a prepared manuscript given to her by Shizune. Actually, that's probably what she is doing.

"...under duress and hence would be against regulations." She seems so proud of herself, but when have those two ever stuck to the regulations? One rule for some...

Hisao seems to be following the same line of thought. "How very strange of you to be considerate of the regulations now."

"Things should be done by the book!" With her innocent smile and raised finger, Misha seems like she could almost be sincere. I continue to peek, through a gap in my arms, but Shizune continues to look away. She can't see how the conversation is progressing, but she must have a general idea. If she wrote prompts down for Misha to follow, well...

"It's just that the book hasn't been written for every situation, so there are times when it can be ignored." How convenient.

"And yet," Hisao replies, "you two wonder why no-one else wants to be in the Student Council..."

At this, Misha sticks her tongue out at him, before returning to the lecture. I decide to unfold my arms, confident now that no-one is staring any more, and open my book to take notes. The class drags on the same as always.

A couple of hours later, we are finally free. Well, some of us are. While I begin to pack away my notes from the last class, Misha and Shizune gather next to Hisao, each placing a hand on his shoulder. They're taking no chances after yesterday.

"Hey, I said I'd help out, damn..."

"This is just insurance, Hisao, insurance..." Misha smiles brightly, while Shizune looks less amused. I guess the restraint was her idea then. She won't let anything happen to her slave labour, it seems. I'm not sure I feel confident enough to save Hisao from them, but he's been pretty decent to me this past week, enough that I feel obliged to do something to help. Maybe I can give him the opportunity to escape their clutches off his own back.

"H-Hisao?" I call his name as I'm making my way to the door, but if he thinks I want to hang out (and I guess it wouldn't be a bad thing, by any means) then perhaps he'll be able to come up with an excuse to get out of more work for the Student Council. It's not that I don't like Misha, or even Shizune, but seeing them try to force Hisao into doing their work for them just feels... wrong, somehow. It's one of the things that drove Lilly away from the council, after all.

"Oh, hey, Hanako. What's up?" He takes the bait. Shizune spots the opening too, however, and quickly signs to Misha, trying to close the gap in their offensive before Hisao has time to make a move.

"Hey," Misha translates, "what makes you think you've got time to chat?"

"Oh, relax, this won't take long... Hanako, you were saying?"

Thank you, Hisao. "I... I was going to go to the library, and... and I thought..." Looking at Shizune's expression, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. It's not as fierce as it can be, but the slight frown is an early warning sign not to cross her. But I've come this far, I can't retreat now and leave Hisao to their mercy.

"Sorry Hanako, but Hisao has to come with us. He's got work to do." Shizune signs again to Misha, and my fears of reprisal are confirmed. "Oh! But you can help too if you'd like."

Sure thing, Misha... not. "Um..."

"So, how about it, Hisao?" Misha and Shizune both turn their faces towards him, looking for an answer.

"Hey, Shizune. I know I said I'd help, but I forgot I'd already made plans. Besides, I helped out more than my fair share last week, didn't I? I promise, I'll make it up to you some other time." It's true, he did work pretty hard with me helping Lilly's class on their stall decorations. And many of our class didn't get involved at all, yet still enjoyed the festival regardless of their own input. It's remarkably unfair of the pair to expect Hisao to do even more now, though I suspect Shizune is just looking for excuses to spend time with him. It wouldn't surprise me. Again, I feel a strange pang of jealousy, but I'm still uncertain of my own feelings. I do enjoy spending time with him myself, but we barely know each other. Even so, he's followed my cue about the library. Shizune doesn't seem best pleased, but she pulls Misha away for a moment as they sign rapidly to each other.

Eventually, they return, and Misha gives the translation. "Well, you have a point there. To be honest, we were only going to spend the rest of the budget on cakes. So, if you're not there, it works out better. More cake for us! Wahaha..."

Isn't that the very definition of corruption? When we reach the library I resolve silently to open a dictionary and look up the word, just to check that a picture of Shizune and Misha isn't staring back from the pages.

They leave quickly, finally allowing Hisao and I to be alone again. "Well," he starts to say, "that was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. Last week those two were like bloodhounds. Or prison guards. Or maybe prison guards bred from bloodhounds..."

What.

I'm reminded of that strange boy I met in Lilly's class last week. What was his name? Kenji?

"...never mind," Hisao continues. I agree with that sentiment completely. "Anyway, should we go to the library?"

I smile a little and reply in the affirmative. "S-sure." The journey doesn't take long, but I stick close to Hisao as we walk, avoiding the looks our fellow students give us. When we reach the library, I scan the stacks for a familiar face. Sure enough, Yuuko is working here today. I make my way to her and whisper a request in her ear. Next time Hisao and I play chess, I'm certain to win... though I'd rather he not find out my plans, of course.

"Um, you' find that in non-fiction," she replies, "but I'm not sure where exactly. If you want I can look it up..."

"N-never mind." I don't want Hisao to know what I'm up to, so it's better that Yuuko doesn't show me where to find the book I'm searching for. I guess it's obvious that it would be in non-fiction, but the stacks aren't too difficult to navigate, especially considering how often I come here. My request to Yuuko was on the off chance that she would be quicker at searching, but I can easily find what I'm after by myself.

"Hey Yuuko, what's all this about?" It seems Hisao's figured out that something is up. His suspicion has been piqued.

"Oh, Hisao... Hanako was just looking for a book on..." No! She'll ruin my plans!

"N-nothing..." I quickly interject.

"A book on nothing? In the non-fiction section?"

"I... I was just..." It's no use. I can't stop him from being suspicious, and my thoughts go back to a previous conversation between the two of us, where Hisao said that people are inspired to ask more questions when I say 'nothing'. It's the same situation now. He stays silent, however, but as we both look at Yuuko, my eyes pleading her to not tell him, I can see the pressure of keeping the secret is too much. That's the last time I ask her to keep quiet about anything...

"Yuuko, what did..." Hisao's final unfinished comment pushes her over the edge.

"Chess! She's looking for a chess book!" Thanks very much.

"Y-Yuuko..." I begin.

"I'm sorry Hanako... it just slipped out..." I guess I can forgive her. It wasn't really important. But I'd like to be able to match, or even best, Hisao in ability, and studying a bit more on my chess skills would have helped a lot. Now he knows I'm going to try and beat him next time we play. What if he decides he could use some extra study too?

"Well," he says, "it's not exactly a secret any more. Come on, I'll give you a hand. I should really brush up on my skills, too."

"O-okay." That's exactly what I didn't want to happen, but it can't be helped. We make our way into the non-fiction section, leaving Yuuko behind as she returns to the main desk. It's easy enough to find the right section, on games and general activities, and between a card trick book and a guide to kid's games we find a solitary chess book. 'Chess Tactics for Champions.'

I see in the corner of my eye my companion is eyeing it eagerly. I don't give him the chance to take it though, before I quickly grab it and clutch it to my chest. I will definitely improve my chess skills before we next play! Just see if I don't, Hisao...

"Well, I guess that's yours then," he says. I smile mischievously as Hisao feigns a sigh of defeat. "Mind if I borrow it when you're finished?"

"S-sure," I say. It will be too late for him by that point. "I... I just haven't really played against anyone but L-Lilly before, so I thought..."

"Ha, well, it's not like I'm a master or anything. I just played a bit before..." He pauses briefly. Maybe he's starting to infringe on a personal topic, just as I do when my life before Yamaku comes up. I usually avoid the discussion in those cases, so I can't complain when Hisao does it. Or maybe he's talking about his condition? He still hasn't spoken to me about it, with the little I do know coming from Lilly. I feel no need to bring up awkward questions on what she told me by revealing that I know something, even if it is barely anything that I know.

"...before I came here." Yes, the latter case seems more likely from this concluding statement. I feel concern though, so although I tread carefully, I do choose to bring the subject up.

"Are... are you alright?"

"Yeah, I was just remembering something..." Hisao takes a book from the nearest shelf, something about roller coasters, and it's clear the topic is done with. I won't push him for details, and if he isn't ready to talk then I fully understand. It's the same way I feel almost constantly. "Well, we've both got books now, should we go sit down?"

I nod, and we slowly make our way to the usual spot, with the large beanbags. As we both begin to read, I find myself drawn in to the knowledge I'm gaining by choosing this chess book. I constantly refer back to other sections, imagining in my mind the best ways to use different positions of both black and white to my advantage, the best openings to use based on what little I've seen of Hisao's playing style, and how to use those openings to gain the upper hand in the mid-game. I realise that I've overlooked several important strategic elements, such as using the Fianchetto to maintain a strong control of the centre of the board, and backing up the bishops with my knights. I realise how sacrificing my bishops doesn't necessarily give me an advantage when attacking my opponent's knights, and how a staggered pawn offensive can be broken if I can just get behind the enemy lines quickly.

It's only after I've exhausted myself considering a full game between Hisao and myself that I notice him watching me. I guess his book wasn't quite so interesting. Rather than my scars, though, uncovered by my own unconscious reflex brushing back my hair, he's looking at the book, watching me read. I hope he isn't trying to figure out my next strategy... I don't feel so worried. I know by now he doesn't care about my scars, or what I look like. He cares about me, and that's such a rare thing that I continue to let him stare without comment. The next time I look up from the book, Hisao has turned his head away and Yuuko has come across to meet us.

"Um... sorry to interrupt, but I have to close the library now."

"Already?" Hisao sounds disappointed, and I don't blame him. I feel the exact same way. This afternoon has been so nice and calm, the two of us just hanging out, no need for conversation. The time has flown by so quickly...

"Do you want to check out those books? I can do it on the way out..."

I doubt Hisao will want to properly borrow his chosen book, judging by the lack of interest he showed over the past couple of hours. I'd like to read more about the tactics I've been learning though, so I reply positively. "P-please."

"I'm done," says Hisao. "I'll drop this one back on the way through. It wasn't as interesting as I first thought." That much was fairly obvious. I use a small piece of paper as a bookmark and follow Yuuko to the main desk, while Hisao returns his roller coaster book. It still takes Yuuko a few tries to get the book to scan, though. She still believes it's down to her own clumsiness, even though I know full well the computers here haven't been updated in at least the past five years...

"Oh... there we go. Third time lucky. Since this is a non-fiction book, you can only have it for a week."

"T-that's okay." I'm fine with that. If needs be I can copy some of the more useful parts into a notebook, but I'll have plenty of time over the next week to study further. As Hisao joins us, Yuuko shuts the computer down and walks with us to Yamaku's regular hallways.

In the corridor, she looks briefly at her watch, and gasps in shock. "Argh! I didn't think it was this late already...!"

"But you're the one that told us you had to close..." I share Hisao's confusion here, just a little.

"Yes, but, I know, but, that was before I looked at the time! I'll see you later..." With that, Yuuko flees, rushing off like Emi (albeit less pink). I'm still puzzled as to why she decided to close the library without knowing the time, but it doesn't really matter, I suppose.

"I guess all librarians really are neurotic." Hisao smiles a bit as he thinks of some joke that I don't understand.

"Huh?"

"Ah, never mind. I was just thinking that I've never met a librarian that can organise their time, no matter how good they are with their books."

Maybe he knew a few librarians like Yuuko before coming here? I certainly did, books being a great way when I was growing up of keeping the world at bay. "Oh... I k-know what you mean..." I smile again, reflecting as I do that I've been smiling a whole lot more since Hisao came into my life. It's then that I realise the time myself. "I-I have to get back..."

"Yeah, me too. I didn't realise it was this late. Thanks for letting me hang out with you."

There's not much need for Hisao to thank me, even though I did kind of help save him from Misha and Shizune. I accept his thanks regardless. "N-no problem."

"I'm going to my dormitory room now anyway, so do you mind if I tag along?"

"O-okay." I frown slightly, but that's more habit than anything. I really don't mind, and we're going the same way so it makes no sense for one of us to wait until the other has left before setting off ourselves. My pace is brisk though, if only to minimise the chance that I get caught by anyone other than Hisao. More questions wouldn't be great for me, where Hisao is concerned, and there's every chance that Shizune or Misha will still be around, occupied as they were after school hours with 'council business'.

When we reach the dormitories, I turn to see that Hisao is breathing a bit more heavily. I guess he had to jog to keep up with me. "Man, you walk pretty fast," he says. "I used to play in a soccer club, and you manage to outpace me." I blush a little, but smile again, looking down. I'm slightly embarrassed, yes, but it's fun to think that I've beaten Hisao at something. My smile turns slightly more cheeky, a change that isn't lost on my companion. We stay silent for a brief moment, but it doesn't have the air of awkwardness such quiet periods between us usually do. Eventually, the silence is broken.

"Here you go," says Hisao. "See you in class tomorrow?"

"S-sure." I promise myself that I'll be there tomorrow, and make sure to not skip and go to the library again. I've made a commitment now to Hisao with that one comment, and I most definitely intend to keep it.


	9. Act 2, Chapter 3: Hatter, Hare and Mouse

**Act 2 – Chapter Three: The Hatter, the Hare, and the Mouse**

When I arrive at breakfast this morning, Lilly is already present. I usually try to get to breakfast early, to avoid the stares, but today I decided to turn up a bit later than normal. Maybe it's a sign of my new-found resolve to open myself up a bit more. I wonder what my therapist will say when I see her this weekend? Our session last weekend was cancelled because of the festival, but we have another meeting scheduled for Sunday, not that I ever look forward to them, but there's not much that can be done about it.

"H-hi, Lilly," I say quietly as I approach with some food, trying not to disturb her too much. She looks quite deep in thought. It's still not as late as it could be, and the cafeteria is still pretty quiet.

"Ah, is that Hanako?"

"Y... yes. Are y-you okay?"

"I'm fine," she replies, smiling. "It's nice to find you here this late." It's not much later, but she still notices. Her watch is one of those that actually tells you the time.

"I... I decided t-to be a bit... later..." I stammer. "I s-slept in a little."

"That's quite alright, Hanako. Actually, I wanted to catch you before you went to class this morning."

"O-oh?"

"I met Hisao here this morning. It seems he couldn't sleep and decided to eat early."

What did he say to her about yesterday, I wonder? For that matter, I wonder why he didn't decide to go running, if he was up that early? I guess Emi would have been targeting him, I've seen her speaking to him a few times since she bumped into him in the corridor and knocked him down. Not to mention the looks she's given him in the corridor, whether he noticed or not. Given his heart, I suspect the Head Nurse asked her to keep an eye on him.

"I was wondering, Hanako, if you'd be up for a little tea party tonight, in my room? It's been quite a while since the last time..."

I'm certainly up for that, tea parties with Lilly are always nice. But I'm also certain that she has more than that in mind... "S-sure..."

"That's good to hear. I also wanted to ask, if you said yes... How would you feel about inviting Hisao along?"

She must have brought it up with him before, after dropping that comment about seeing him earlier. I can't refuse now. Then again, I'm not sure I want to say no. I am a bit annoyed at Lilly's obvious attempts to play matchmaker, though. Still, it might be nice to have Hisao along for an evening tea party.

"Um... I g-guess... that would b-be okay... with m-me..."

"Excellent. I'll let him know then." You say that, Lilly, but you've obviously already asked him, and he's clearly already said yes. I can't blame Lilly for the little white lie though, so I let it slide and begin to eat my breakfast. Who knows, maybe this evening will be rather enjoyable...

The day carries on as normal. I turn up to classes, though I don't get a chance to speak to Hisao at any point. He doesn't join us in the tea room for lunch today either, being dragged away by Emi to eat on the roof with herself and Rin. My guess is that she wants to monitor what he's eating, since I saw the Nurse giving him funny looks in the corridors over the past few days. If it helps his condition though, I have no complaints. I keep my head down and work on the day's problems, eat with Lilly, make my way back to my dorm room after the lectures finish, and read some more. The sun is already low in the sky, casting an orange glow on Yamaku, when I change into my nightgown, join a pyjama-clad Lilly in her room, and sit down to prepare the tea and wait for Hisao.

It's not very long before he arrives, a knock on the door signalling his presence.

"Is that you, Hisao?" Lilly calls. "The door is open, you can come in."

The door opens rather slowly as a familiar face peers around the corner. I watch him as he takes in the quaint, antiquated look of the room, gazing at every piece of furniture and every defining aspect of Lilly's decorative style, before turning to the pair of us. I am fully conscious of how my scars are that bit more visible in my nightgown, even when I bought them specifically to keep as much of my body hidden as possible. I'm also quite shy at Hisao seeing me in this and nothing more, adding to my sudden need to be hidden. Old habits kick in and I tense up, shoulders forward and hands hidden between my legs, my head pointing down even though my eyes look up at Hisao's face. I smile briefly, just a shadow of a thing, pleased that he could come after all despite my insecurities.

"There's no point in you standing in the doorway, Hisao." Sometimes I wonder if Lilly really is blind, or just a very good actress, but that's not fair to her. To cope with her lack of sight she has trained her other senses remarkably well. Especially if she could tell that Hisao hadn't come into the room properly yet. Maybe she guessed from not hearing the door close? She speaks again as Hisao enters.

"My my, I'm afraid this really is a small room for the three of us. Would you like to take a seat?"

Hisao walks over to the low table and sits on the floor with Lilly and I. As he approaches I see his eyes dart towards Lilly, pointing downwards... Does he think I didn't notice just what he was looking at? I feel bad for my friend, guilty at my smile, but I manage to stifle the giggle at Hisao's natural male tendencies before he notices me watching him.

"Well now, how about some tea. Hanako, could you please pour?" It would be my pleasure, Lilly.

"S... sure. Hi... sao... would... would you... would you like..." I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so much more nervous now than I have at any point since my very first meeting with Hisao, back in the library that afternoon. I still feel exposed in my flimsy nightgown, even if it is too big for me. It's harder to interact here with Hisao too, in a more casual environment yet with Lilly present (possibly scrutinising my every move in her own attempts to help me). And in the back of my mind, I know that soon enough I'm going to withdraw even more than usual, a particular date approaching fast. Hisao hasn't been here for that in previous years, and I don't know yet what he'll make of it. It worries me...

He comes to my rescue here, though. "I would love some tea. Do you need a hand?"

"N... no, I'm fine..." It's true, I'm okay with pouring the tea. I'm just stammering even more than I normally do. I am grateful to him. "Thank you."

I can see Lilly smiling with her head in my direction, even though I try not to make eye contact with her. For Hisao's benefit, of course, rather than Lilly's.

"Been a tiring day?" he asks me.

"Y... yeah." If I'd been able to speak to him earlier then he'd already know, especially given my anticipation of this evening building up during the day and making me focus less on other equally important tasks. I actually struggled for once with the problems set in class today! I put this to the back of my mind, and pour the tea without incident. Almost without incident.

I gently clip the edge of a cup with the teapot, a 'cling' sound clearly audible despite the subtleness of the collision. In my nervousness I can't help but gasp slightly, even though my rational mind knows there's nothing to be worried over. Maybe I really want to impress Hisao at this point. I don't know why, but there's something about him that keeps driving me to get closer, to open myself up to him as I've never done with anyone but Lilly before.

"It's okay, Hanako. There's no need to be nervous." Lilly's words are soothing and calm me down just a little. I'm still timid in my actions and attitude, but I continue pouring and manage to prepare three cups of tea for us without further hassle.

"Thank you, Hanako."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Y-you're welcome..." I reply to them both. As we all sip our tea, Hisao lets out a relaxed breath.

"This is nice, it's so different from any tea I had before..."

"Looks like you picked the right one, Hanako," Lilly responds to Hisao's comment. "You've done well, even if it was a bold move."

I smile again at Hisao, deliberately and with much more emotion than earlier. "I'm glad you like it..." I sip my own tea, feeling happier and more relaxed myself. When Lilly told me what she had planned this morning, I thought of a plan of sorts, confronting her with it at lunch while Hisao wasn't around. I asked if I could choose the tea we served based on how I saw Hisao, and what I felt he would like best. It was indeed a bold move, and Lilly knew that (well, I hope she did at least). I'm pleased that I made the right choice.

"So, Hisao, are you enjoying yourself?" Lilly's change of topic hardly bothers me. I'm simply content to discover I know Hisao a bit better than I previously thought I did.

"Yeah, it's relaxing. Almost like I'm not in the school any more. Do you do this often?"

"Quite often, but not as often as we take tea in the school building." That's a regular occurrence, only stopping when either Lilly or myself are busy or when something else comes up, whereas these evening tea parties might happen once a week, or even less, depending on circumstances.

Hisao moves to take another sip of tea, but quickly brings his cup back down from his lips. Looking inside briefly I can see that it's empty. "That was delicious," he says. "Thank you, Hanako, Lilly."

"You're welcome," I reply without a single stammer.

"Yes, you're most welcome, Hisao," says Lilly. "It's nice to have a third person here."

"Well," he replies to us both, "any time you need someone to fill that position, I'm always available. Always." As he finishes speaking, Lilly moves her hand to her mouth in an attempt to hide a large yawn. She fails miserably to conceal it, but I don't blame her. I feel just the same way.

"Pardon me," she says. "I think I'm a little tired."

"I think we're all a little tired," I concur.

"My my, how astute tonight, Hanako." I think Lilly is being playful in her teasing, but at the same time I'm happy she's noticing that I can take the initiative sometimes. This is as far as I go in tonight's exchanges though, at least for now. Baby steps, after all. The best way to change for the better is to do so over time, in moderation. I think I read that in a book somewhere. "We really should head to bed," Lilly continues. "We all have class tomorrow."

"Yeah," Hisao agrees. "I should go."

"Thank you for your presence, Hisao," says Lilly.

My own sentiments match those of Lilly perfectly. "Th... thanks. You'll come again?"

"Not even a whole army could stop me.." I smile at this, but again I'm reminded of that weird Kenji guy.

"I'm impressed by your determination, Hisao," Lilly says. Surely she knows what Kenji comes out with more than I do? I've met the man once, whereas she shares classes with him every day. Hisao's determination is still pretty impressive though.

"Either way," he says, "you're right. We'd best get going." Hisao stands and starts to walk to the door. As he approaches, I respond in kind, following him slightly. He must notice, as he stops and turns to look at me before he opens the door. "Are you coming with me?"

I blush, brighter than I could imagine possible, my entire face the same colour for the first time in ages. What does he think I'm trying to do, follow him all the way home? In a manner of speaking, that is. "No... I... not... this room... isn't..."

"It's okay, I was only joking." He smiles at me, brushing off the thought that I was actually stalking him.

"Oh... okay... good night..." I'm a little relieved, and my face turns a bit less red. My hot cheeks feel slightly less warm now.

"Good night, Hanako. Good night, Hisao." I can fully understand her wanting us to leave soon. As we all agreed, we're all feeling pretty tired by now.

"Night all." Hisao turns around again and leaves, holding the door open for me to pass through. I may be annoyed when people treat me like a glass vase wrapped in paper and cotton, but being smothering is one thing and being a gentleman is another. I whisper my thanks as the door to Lilly's room closes after us.

I'm just about to head down the hall and enter my own room when Hisao stops again and looks me right in the eyes. "Hey, Hanako, you know, you don't have to be nervous around me or anything. I mean, we're friends, right?"

If only it was as easy as that for me to stop being nervous. Something else I read a while ago was that habits take ten weeks of constant development to form, and I've had much more than ten weeks of keeping everyone I meet at bay. I don't want to be nervous around Hisao, but I can't be fixed overnight. I'm not so certain I can be fixed over months, either. Lord knows my various therapists have all tried. What he says about us being friends, though, that's new. It's something I can feel too, and I don't disagree with him, but it's a strange situation for me, to have another friend. However, I am glad. It's not been long, but yes, he's correct.

"R-right. We're... friends."

"If you ever want to hang out or anything, just let me know. We still need to have that chess rematch, remember?"

He remembered that? I could hardly forget, given how much I've been poring over the pages I copied from that chess book Yuuko lent me. I didn't think Hisao would be as eager, though. No matter, I'll beat him next time anyway. "S-sure... b-but I don't think you'll win..."

He smiles, matching my own. "It wouldn't be any fun if it was easy."

I chuckle, just barely, but I also feel a yawn coming on, so I stifle my laugh as quickly as it begins. "G-good night, Hisao..." With that, I walk across to my own door and disappear. I reach my bed, draw back the duvet and lie down, and fall asleep before I even hit the pillow...


	10. Act 2, Chapter 4: The Mirror

**Act 2 – Chapter Four: The Mirror**

I choose not to tell Lilly about my plans.

I've thought long and hard about this. Waking up in the middle of the night, worrying about my friendship with Hisao, how I know about his heart and how he knows next to nothing about me and how I got my scars. It's not right that we should be getting closer and becoming friends when I can't even bring myself to tell him such basic facts about my life. Isn't that what friends do? They don't have secrets from each other.

Last night, I made my mind up. I decided I would tell Hisao how I lost my family and how I ended up at Yamaku. It's up to him whether he accepts me then or not. Besides, it might be good to finally tell someone other than Lilly. My therapist keeps asking me to open up to her, but I never do. I can't handle it. With Hisao, though, maybe I've managed to find someone I can truly be myself with.

The day starts out alright, even if Mutou-sensei's lecture is more boring than usual. I briefly see Lilly as she's leaving the female dorms, and we chat a little about mundane things and the tea party the previous night. However, I don't give away what I plan to do. I do see Hisao in class, but we don't get a moment to talk, and I realise that speaking here, with everyone else able to listen in (Misha especially), wouldn't be a good idea. I can't ask Hisao to talk somewhere else, though. If Misha were to spot me trying to be casual, or inconspicuous, while chatting to him, she'd immediately think something was up and come barging in with a smile on her face, her voice booming some assumption about our apparent status as a couple.

Instead, I decide to retreat as usual at lunchtime. I don't go to the tearoom today, instead visiting the library. Even Lilly's presence would be enough to put me off telling Hisao about my past. I want it to be just the two of us, and going to the library gives me time to think of a way to catch him alone somewhere.

As I settle down into my beanbag, I look at the cover of the book I've chosen this time. A man and his shadow. I almost feel as if I'm the shadow in that picture, but fighting for once to step away from the wall and become the person instead. It's a long, hard, road. One that I'm willing to take. I open the pages and begin to read. 'Dance Dance Dance' is the title, another work from Murakami. Every time I read his books I can sympathise with his themes, but it never gets any easier, trying to match my own issues with the underlying context of the words he writes. For me, the challenge is to overcome everything he writes about and break through the loneliness, but until now I've never quite been able to do so. Maybe I finally have a reason though, with Hisao's support.

"Hi, Hanako. How's it going?" Speak of the Devil, and he shall appear. Hisao's voice startles me a little and I look up at him as he flops down onto another of the beanbags opposite me.

"Hello, H-Hisao. I'm fine." I'm actually very pleased to see him. Nobody else is here save Yuuko, and she's at the other end of the library busy with her work. This saves me from having to find a way of getting Hisao alone without it seeming contrived and awkward, which would almost certainly end up being the case. He looks surprised though, to see me smiling at him. I guess it's pretty rare that I do except in special situations. I usually look more frightened and nervous rather than happy.

"Good to hear. How's that book? I've heard it's a trip." I didn't know Hisao was familiar with the works of Haruki Murakami. Then again, he's one of the country's more prolific and influential authors, so it's not too surprising that he would know the book, however briefly.

"I-it's good... I think... I've only j-just started it, so I d-don't really know."

"Fair enough. Let me know how it goes, I may borrow it once you're done."

"S-sure." I wonder if he's read any of Murakami's other books? If so, what insight would that have given him regarding me? I read them because I can relate to the themes and characters, but what could Hisao have gained from the stories himself?

I turn back to the book, but I find myself unable to concentrate. This is too good an opportunity to speak to Hisao, and I can't let myself pass it up. However, I'm too nervous to begin speaking. I've never told anyone but Lilly what happened all that time ago – even my therapist had to make do with the official reports and medical observations. Every time I look up I meet Hisao's eyes and duck down again, afraid to engage with him and begin the conversation that I so desperately want to have.

He's noticed it too. "What's up? You look like a prairie dog on lookout." An apt simile, I suppose.

"N-... it's nothing," I reply with an air of evading the question.

"I've told you before, 'nothing' means 'something' when you say it like that."

He has a point. And I do want to tell him. I wriggle around a little, fidgeting awkwardly and trying to screw up the courage to finally bare my soul to somebody.

"I... I was in an accident." I've begun, so I guess I'd better finish.

"Accident? Just now? Are you alright?" Hisao's first reaction is understandable, but he doesn't realise what I'm trying to say. In response I shake my head, hair flying around as I move.

"N-no. When I was y-younger. When I... when I was..."

"It's alright, Hanako," Hisao says. He's realised what I'm trying to do. "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."

I shake my head again as I sink a little into the beanbag. I have to do this. "N-no. I want... I have to tell you." As I tell the story of what happened, I gain a little strength with every word. It's hard, yes, but I've faced tougher times than this. I have to endure! I have to be strong and continue to the end.

"When I was young... I was in a fire. M-my house b-burned down, and I nearly... I nearly didn't make it. A-after that... I was alone..." As I speak I can feel the tears building in my eyes. I haven't told Hisao the whole truth. I can't stand remembering why I managed to survive. The coming days will be tougher, that date looming just a little more than a month or two away. It's better he knows the reasons now rather than later.

I feel a hand touching mine, and without looking down or wiping away the tears I know Hisao has reached across to comfort me. "It's okay, Hanako. You don't have to keep going."

"B-but... I have to..." Don't you see, Hisao? I need to do this.

"Why?" he asks. "What brought this on?"

I feel bad for the little white lie, but I don't want Hisao to know just how long I've been aware of his own secrets. "L-last night Lilly t-told me about your heart... a-and I... I didn't think it was f-fair."

"Fair?" He looks puzzled, a frown across his face, my hand still clutched in his.

"T-that I knew about you b-but you didn't know about me..."

He squeezes my hand a little, to reassure me. "Don't be silly. But yes, I have a heart condition. What I didn't tell Lilly is that I had my first attack when a girl confessed to me."

Confessed? As in a confession of love? I feel that sharp pang of jealousy again, just a little one, but present nonetheless. "R-really?"

"Really," he replies. "I haven't heard from her for a while though, so I guess it's all over. So now, we both know a little more about each other. But you don't have to talk about things if you don't want to."

He still doesn't realise that I truly wanted to tell him what happened. I still do. But I realise that for now, enough has been said. Baby steps, after all. I can always bring the subject up again another time, but it's still early days, and I hate to be reminded of that day. I can't help but think of the recovery, those weeks that turned into months of sitting in a room alone, a completely sterile environment, only to be told that nothing could be done about my scars and to realise that my life would forever be blighted not only by my appearance, but by my isolation. The smell of the hospital, the white-washed walls, feeling sorry for the victims even worse than me in their sterile pods completely cut off from the world. Trying to return to my old life until everyone I knew and thought was my friend turned on me, showing their hatred not for who I once was, but for what I had become. Moving on to the orphanage, where I was finally treated with decency, until every child was taken home while parents passed me by without a second glance. My eventual arrival at Yamaku.

My memories flash by as we sit in silence. I know that one day I'll tell Hisao all of this, but for now I'm happy that he at least knows the basics. Maybe I can really move on someday.

"T-thank you, Hisao. I... I haven't told many people about this."

"To be honest, I haven't told many people about my... circumstances, either." It seems that Hisao and I are more alike than I first thought. I smile again, genuinely and full of warmth.

"T-then I won't tell a-anyone either."

""Deal." Hisao's hand still clasps mine, but quickly adjusts to form a handshake, one which I gladly match. As we shake hands, the warning bell sounds for the end of lunch. "Well then, we'd better head back to class, eh?"

"S-sure." We walk back to the classroom in near silence, the quietness only broken when Hisao reveals he forgot to let me know something. Apparently Lilly wishes to speak to me later, after her class rep duties are complete. We slowly make our way back to lessons as the afternoon sun shines through the windows, illuminating my path forward.

* * *

The classes drag on, as boring as they were this morning. At least I'm here though, not skipping again. I notice I've been cutting classes less since Hisao joined us. Maybe he's been a good influence on me? The clock ticks our lives away as the day continues, until the bell finally sounds for the end of school. I begin to head towards the tea room to meet with Lilly, curious as to what she wishes to discuss, before realising she's too busy today. I return to my room instead to wait for her.

A while later, a knock on my door drags me yet again from my continued reading. "Hanako? It's Lilly. Can I come in?"

"Y-yes..."

The door opens and Lilly walks in slowly, her cane tapping for any obstacles that could impede her progress. "Hello, Hanako. I trust that Hisao was good enough to pass on my message this afternoon?"

"Yes, he... he did. W-what was it y-you wanted to speak... about?" Even when I'm with Lilly I can't avoid stuttering. Maybe one day I'll overcome it, but until then...

"I just wanted to know how you were feeling. I was proud of you yesterday, you know."

"T-thanks..."

She continues, "How were things with Hisao today?"

"They w-were... good. Um..." I pause, unsure of whether to continue.

"Yes?"

"I... I..." Suddenly, in a quick burst, I tell her. "We talked about my past today."

For the first time in a while, Lilly looks shocked. Not in a bad way, but rather in the sense that she doesn't quite know what to say. "W-what do you mean? Your past...?"

"I t-told him what happened... how I got my s-scars..."

"Oh, Hanako, you didn't have to do that..." Lilly's reaction is just the same as Hisao's. I appreciate that they want to protect me, but they still don't understand. I can't come to terms with what happened if I can't tell anyone.

"I... I had t-to tell him... it wasn't right that... I knew a-about him and h-he didn't... about m-me..." The tears are returning, but I resolve to stay strong. I won't let myself cry. It doesn't matter that Lilly can't see me, I won't let any tears fall this time. "He t-told me about his heart... his f-first heart attack..."

"Hanako..." She sighs a little. "What did he say? Although I guess it's okay if he wanted to keep it private..."

"I... I think H-Hisao would be better off t-telling you..." I wouldn't feel right letting Lilly in on what he said, not when Hisao gave me that knowledge in confidence.

"I understand. Hanako, are you sure you're okay?"

"Y-yes. I'm fine now." I'm not lying. I feel strangely calm, despite the tears. It's as though a great weight was holding me down, and now it's gone. Like a new chapter has opened in my friendship with Hisao, a brand new story where finally we can be on the same level. As I consider this, Lilly and I chat a bit more about various topics, though I know she still worries about me even when we stop speaking about the day's events. Soon enough she leaves, and I prepare for bed. For once I sleep soundly, no nightmares despite what is still to come. My mind is clear.


	11. Act 2, Chapter 5: Not So Black And White

**First of all, apologies for the very late posting of this chapter. Stuff came up that gave me much less time to write this past month, and so Hanako's Story had to take the backseat temporaraily. Hopefully now I have time to write again, things will be much better in terms of update times, and hopefully this next chapter is good enough to make up for the recent lack of activity. On a more important note, I would like to thank Guest Poster of the Katawa Shoujo forums for his permission in using one of his original characters for this chapter. Miss Yumi does not belong to me and is the creation of Guest Poster, and I am very grateful to him for allowing me to use the character as I have done. I urge you all to check out Sisterhood, the work where Miss Yumi originates, and give him your support. It's definitely worth a read :).**

**Act 2 – Chapter Five: Not So Black And White**

It's been two weeks since my last session with Miss Yumi. Two weeks as well since Hisao started at Yamaku. Last weekend was the festival, of course, so anything like therapy sessions and school activities were postponed to account for everyone being busy. As such, I've not had a chance to tell her about the recent... developments.

I'm still a bit anxious about seeing Miss Yumi now. Things became very awkward between us a while ago, just before Lilly came to live in the dorms here. I'd already seen Lilly around Yamaku but she used to live away from the school, with her sister Akira, so I didn't really know her then. I'd been having therapy for all my time here, but of all the therapists I'd seen Miss Yumi was the only one who really started to understand me. The only person I could bring myself to act naturally around. I still wouldn't open up to her properly, but we made so much more progress than I had ever done with anyone else. So naturally I thought that our professional relationship would progress into something closer to... well, to friendship.

The rejection hurt. I understood why she couldn't be my friend, her position as a therapist meant it would be, to use her own words, inappropriate. It wasn't that Miss Yumi didn't like me, nor that she didn't respect me, but simply that a friendship between us wouldn't ever be able to come to fruition. She told me then that "a good therapist will never try to become your friend, and a good friend will never try to become your therapist." I didn't want to believe her at first, and it seemed like all the good work we'd done was regressing, like we were back at the beginning with no hope of improvement. She took a break from work then, so I had some time to think about things, which did help. Eventually we managed to gain that level of understanding again, but it was tough.

Lilly was a godsend then. She moved into the dormitories, a year ago now, taking the room of a girl next door to me who had not long moved out. She reminded me a lot of a younger Miss Yumi, or perhaps Miss Yumi reminds me of a much older Lilly. We quickly became friends – it helped that she was not only persistent, but also that Lilly couldn't see my scars. She did feel them eventually, after we became close and I began to open up to her a bit more. She asked my permission and I granted it, though with a great deal of reluctance. The shock on her face was very cleverly hidden, but I still sensed it there for a brief instant. Looking back, I don't think Lilly ever expected my scars to be as bad as they are, and she only felt the ones on my face and neck that time. Nevertheless, the presence of someone who I could call a real friend finally allowed me to move on from the embarrassment I suffered with my request to Miss Yumi.

It was months before we were back to normal, and even now I still regret it sometimes. Still, at least I know that she's only looking out for my best interests. It's hard, but I understand that she wants what's best for me, and will do everything she can to help me. That's all Miss Yumi wants. I still feel like the trust we had was broken, but maybe with more time, we can get it back...

I knock on the door to her office as always and wait for her reply. "Come in, please." I enter the familiar scene. The room is decorated in the traditional style, less like an office and more like a sitting room. The desk is in the corner, tucked away as if it has no business disturbing the old-fashioned tranquillity here. In the centre a low table, usually hidden in a cupboard, is arranged with a pair of zabuton, one on either side, for us to sit. A Go board is already on the table and Miss Yumi's desk has a tea set ready for the usual ritual.

Miss Yumi herself is sitting on one of the zabuton, looking up at me as I gently close the door behind me. She's never told me much about herself, especially not her age, but she's a small woman somewhere in her fifties, with grey hair in a tight bun, a violet blouse (apparently she likes the colour) and a long, pleated dark skirt. It's very different to my previous therapists, both men who (truth be told) slightly intimidated me. Not through their action, of course, but rather through the impression they each gave me during our meetings. When I started seeing Miss Yumi, I felt much happier, since the 'old grandmother' approach certainly put me more at ease. After she rejected my friendship last year I wondered for a while if she was simply putting on an act, but as I've grown more accustomed to our sessions I've come to realise that maybe Miss Yumi really is like that to everyone, and not just me.

Either way, I can't say I enjoy our sessions each week, but at the same time I don't dislike seeing her. At least the sessions help me in some small way.

As I walk across to the low table, Miss Yumi rises and joins me, bowing slightly just as I do. "May I have the honour of getting you some tea, Miss Hanako?" she asks, the same words every week. I reply as I always do.

"I h-humbly accept, Miss Yumi." She pours the tea and hands me a drinking bowl filled with sweet smelling liquid. As we sit, I sip gently from the bowl, savouring the taste, and place it to one side of the board, already prepared for our regular game. It's interesting that we play Go and not chess, but one of the very few things I've managed to find out about Miss Yumi during our sessions is that she happens to be something of an expert Go player. I get the feeling her reasons for not playing chess may have a little to do with skill, but more so something to do with my own feelings about the game. Nevertheless, it occasionally amuses me, the choice of our game, and indeed my usual pastime too. Black and white pieces fighting on a board in an endless struggle of wills. When really, as I've so often discovered (sometimes to my cost), nothing is ever so clearly defined after all.

"Well then, Miss Hanako," she says, looking not at my scars, but into my eyes. "Shall we begin?"

"O-okay".

We have an unspoken rule. Only the person whose turn it is may speak. I play as white, meaning that Miss Yumi starts first. Unlike in chess, the white player in Go takes the second turn rather than the beginning move.

"So, how have things been recently? It's been a while since our last visit." She places her first stone near the centre of the board and waits patiently for my reply.

"I... um, I've been okay. H-how about you?" I ask from politeness more than actual curiosity. I know she won't tell me much, she never does. Miss Yumi is a therapist, after all, and a pretty poor one she'd make if she were to turn our sessions into discussions of her, rather than of me.

A brief pause as I carefully place my own first stone away from hers, in the top left corner quadrant. I don't expect to win, but just playing the game is enough. The amount of concentration I put in to playing, just like with chess, helps me take my mind off things.

"Things have been rather pleasant as of late. I trust you had a nice time last weekend?"

She's referring to the festival, of course. She makes her next move and I respond with just a hint of hesitation. "I... I didn't go. To the festival, I m-mean."

"Really? That's a shame. I feel like you would have enjoyed meeting new people there."

She isn't joking, though I wish she was. Ever since that day more than a year ago, Miss Yumi has done everything she can to encourage me, however subtly, to interact more with other people at Yamaku. She was more than a little pleased when I started hanging around with Lilly, and even more so when I told her about Akira and Yuuko too.

"I-I did see the fireworks... they were m-much better than last y-year..."

"Yes, I heard about the display last year. But where did you see them from, Miss Hanako?" Curiosity is clear in her voice, so I tell her.

"We w-went to the Shanghai... Me, Lilly and... someone else..." I don't know why I choose to refrain from mentioning Hisao by name. Possibly my nerves are simply too strong even here, in this calm setting with Miss Yumi opposite and the scent of tea drifting in the air.

She presses the subject though. "Someone else? My my, could it be then that you've found a new friend? I'm very pleased for you Miss Hanako, if indeed that's the case."

On her face is a smile, and looking at her I can tell it's genuine. Indeed, Miss Yumi appears to be positively beaming with delight at the prospect of me making a new friend. It's enough to inspire me to tell her a bit more.

"H-his name is Hisao N-Nakai... he just transferred to Yamaku a fortnight a-ago, and he... he came and spoke to m-me in the l-library... he seemed nice, so w-we invited him for t-tea, and he played chess w-with me during the festival..." I suddenly realise that I'm speaking more than I usually do in our meetings, and oddly enough I'm opening up to Miss Yumi a lot more than normal. It's my time now to place a stone, so I quickly shut up and take my turn. Already the board is looking to be in Miss Yumi's favour, her control steadily growing with each black stone that appears, but I've improved massively over time. She once told me to look for openings when playing defensively, and take advantage of opportunities as they arise. With Hisao, I'm certain I've done that.

"Miss Hanako, I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you've made a new friend. It's as I said before. I think that, with time, and with the support of good friends, you will be able to heal emotionally. This Hisao Nakai sounds like a kind and decent young man, and I'm sure he'll be a great help in your journey."

Hearing Miss Yumi's approval makes me feel glad. I was a little worried about what she may think of him, but now it seems there was nothing to be concerned about. Even so, I have a question for her, but it's one that I'm much too shy to ask. I can't even ask Lilly what her thoughts would be, for fear of the response and the attitude to my query. Not to mention, the reaction of Lilly feels the same way I do...

"Miss Yumi... I, um... D-did you ever feel like there was... something y-you wanted to know... something you wanted to ask, b-but you couldn't d-do it?"

I quickly make my move so as to free the conversation for Miss Yumi to reply. By now I'm not as invested in the game, nor in the moves I make, wanting only for the conversation to continue without me needing to say much at all.

"Of course, Miss Hanako. I should think everyone feels that way sometimes. Though I suspect this may have something to do with yourself, correct?" She places another stone and captures an impressively large space, my lack of attention to the game clear for all to see.

"Y-yes, Miss Yumi." I pause, uncertain of whether to continue. "T-the thing is... Did you ever have... feelings, t-that you... weren't sure about?"

I squirm a little in my seat, though I hope Miss Yumi didn't notice that. She gives no indication of whether or not she saw a thing, but as she ponders both her answer and her move I consider what would happen if I were to just get up and leave. I wouldn't do that out of respect and politeness, but it's not the first time I've had such thoughts.

"Hmmm... I think I can understand." This time, she stops without placing a stone. The etiquette we both abide by prevents me from saying anything, as she thinks of something further to elaborate. "Miss Hanako, I know that we decided not to return to that... unpleasantness last year. I was pleased to see you making such good friends then, with Miss Satou and her sister. And Miss Yuuko too. But there is something I have to say that I said back then too."

I'm tempted to call out "What? What did you say then?" But the silence lingers as I refrain from abandoning the rules we have abided by for so very long. Eventually, Miss Yumi speaks again.

"I told you then that the second most valuable gift you could give anyone was your friendship. I never said what the most valuable thing was."

Another stone is placed and I can tell what she wants me to say. Her eyes are fixed on me, waiting for my response. "I... I d-don't know what you m-mean..."

Miss Yumi shakes her head at me, almost as if she's disappointed. That I would tell even such a tiny white lie. I know exactly what she means. I make my move quickly to avoid the demand to respond, and Miss Yumi sighs a little before continuing.

"I'm certain you know what I'm talking about, Miss Hanako. But I can't force you to admit it to yourself, nor to me. In any case, I'm truly happy for you. If you think so highly of this boy, Mister Nakai, then I can rest assured that not only is your progress continuing well, but that you really are allowing yourself to open up a bit more. That can only be a good thing."

I realise that there's more to tell. I know that I have to be more honest to Miss Yumi as well as to myself if I want these sessions to have any meaning, and to actually do some good. "I... um, I... told him. About m-my scars..."

Saying it now, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But Miss Yumi knows how much it would have meant at the time, and how difficult it was for me to bare myself emotionally to Hisao, especially after just two weeks. It took much longer than that for me to tell Lilly, after all. Miss Yumi was spared, since she had already seen my notes from the doctors. Even then, she still wanted to hear it from my own lips. It took two months before I was ready to say a word to her on the subject.

It's her turn now. My last move was hardly a great one, but there's no way I can concentrate on the game any more. "What was his reaction?" She places another piece and makes another capture.

"I... It was o-okay... he told me about h-his own..." I don't want to give away to Miss Yumi the exact reasons for Hisao being here, so I compromise a little. "He t-told me why he was at Yamaku." My words are deliberately vague, but thankfully she chooses not to press the subject. I didn't really expect her to anyway. My next stone goes down. It's already clear I've lost the game by now, just as I always do, but it hardly matters to me. Chess is more my thing, after all.

"So he accepted you just as you are. And more than that, he opened up to you in the same way that you did with him. A friendship like that is a rare gift indeed, Miss Hanako. All the more remarkable for the very short time you seem to have known him."

She pauses without making a move on the board. "It seems to me that you're nervous about showing your feelings, and that's something we've been struggling towards for the past year now. Not to mention Miss Satou's thoughts on the matter. Or, more likely perhaps, you aren't certain of your feelings yourself. Have you spoken to Miss Satou about any of this, Miss Hanako?"

She finally chooses a space to place another stone, and grants me the chance to speak. "N-not so much... I don't know how L-Lilly feels... I don't want t-to rock the boat..." I quickly make another move.

"If you don't say anything at all, then it doesn't help you in finding out how to proceed. Your choices, your feelings, matter a great deal, Miss Hanako. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Still, I can't force you to talk to Miss Satou if you aren't yet sure of yourself. All I ask is that you think about this discussion, and perhaps try to show a little more courage in pursuing what you want. Even if others are willing to allow you the freedom to do what you wish, you have to take advantage of the opportunity. I've said that before, yes?"

With her final move, Miss Yumi has easily beaten me yet again. Sometimes I think that if we were playing chess, the results would be very different. But with the restriction lifted on our speech, I can make my last comments before I leave.

"Y-yes, you have... Miss Yumi. I'll... think about it."

"Very well. I feel like we've made some large strides this past fortnight, even if I haven't seen you until now. We'll meet again same time next Sunday, yes?"

"Y-yes, Miss Yumi." We make our goodbyes, and I leave the room. As I walk back to the girls dormitory I start to take on board just what Miss Yumi was getting at near the end of our session. I doubt I'll be telling Lilly about my feelings, or rather, my potential feelings, anytime soon. It's not just the embarrassment, nor the fact that I barely know Hisao (and yet I feel like I can trust him after such a short time, just as Miss Yumi said). It's more the fear that Lilly may feel the same way. I know what I'm like, I know full well that if Lilly gave even the slightest hint of being interested in Hisao, I would never choose to pursue him. Assuming I had the courage to do so in the first place.

Something else that Miss Yumi and I didn't discuss, which will certainly be a topic of conversation in the next few sessions, is the fast approaching date that I always dread. Hisao has seen me at what passes for my best these past two weeks. He still has yet to see me at my worst. As I walk I try to keep my mind off the coming days, but I still continue to think about it despite my best efforts. I know that tonight, the nightmares will begin again.


	12. Act 3, Chapter 1: King's Gambit Accepted

**Act 3 – Chapter One: King's Gambit Accepted**

It's been a few weeks now since I told Hisao about my scars. Every day brings us closer to the bad times, but even now I can't bring myself to tell him any more. I wonder sometimes if it's because I'm scared of his reaction, or because I'm still ashamed of feeling that way?

Miss Yumi is never much help around now. She tries, of course, and we discussed it during our last few sessions, but truth be told I'm surprised I've never had a breakdown during them. The nearer we get to that date, the harder it becomes for me, and the more closed off I become – as if it were possible for me to be more so. Anything that can take my mind off things will help now. There's still some time to go though, so I won't worry as much now as I will later. Until then, I'll seize anything to keep me occupied.

In a way, that's exactly what I'm doing now. Hisao and I have continued playing chess, with regular matches over lunch, but as the days have gone by and the troubles have edged nearer I've been losing myself more and more in the game. Miss Yumi noted last week, in fact, that I seem to be focusing more on our Go matches, and indeed I've been getting that bit better, though still nowhere near her level. At least Hisao is someone I can beat. "Mate."

"Again... what does that make this? 3-2?" Hisao sighs and knocks his king over in defeat. A common sight now, even if he has won the occasional game. Rare, but still...

"S-stalemates don't count." Which makes it one-nil to me.

"Damn. You're getting better at this every day." I don't think so. Really, I was always pretty good. Our first game though, I think that I might have just been glad to have someone new to play with, and as a result didn't focus as much on the moves I was making. Which meant making plenty of rookie mistakes and falling back on my old defensive play style. Miss Yumi told me during one of our Go games that I should look for opportunities when playing defensively, and then take advantage of them. When I first played chess with Hisao, I regressed to the type of strategy I'd always relied on, missing those moments, and losing pretty badly. Now, I've returned to that more developed style, giving me more options and more ruses to use. Just one mistake from Hisao now is enough to turn the tide of the whole match, and I've gotten good at manipulating the board to create those opportunities. It's something I wish I could do away from the game, but I'm just not that type of person, I guess.

"Fancy another game?" Hisao asks, eagerness in his eyes. I wish I could, but I have some work to get done. It's not important and can definitely wait, but I know won't feel up to it later. If things are as bad as last year, locking myself in my room and skipping classes (and I'm certain they will be), then the more work I do now the better. Less to catch up on when I've recovered.

"I... I have to finish my homework..."

"Oh," he says, sighing a little. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

I point at the teapot and cups on the table, still to be cleared away. "But... what about this..."

"Don't worry about that,I've got it."

"Oh... okay..." I'm kind of glad I don't have to clean up, but it would have been nice to spend just a moment more with Hisao. Well, I guess it can't be helped. I have no more excuses to stay. "S-see you."

"Later."

I leave as Hisao continues clearing up the mess. Almost as soon as the door closes I notice Lilly walking towards the tearoom, her cane tapping against the side of the wall and on the floor ahead of her. "Lilly?"

"Ah, Hanako, is that you? I was just on my way to find you and Hisao. I wondered if you would care to take a trip to the Shanghai with me?"

"Um..." I pause briefly. I need to get this work done, but visiting the Shanghai would be fun, not to mention another excuse to keep my mind off things. "I... I was going t-to get some work... finished..."

She realises my intentions straight away. "You want to be prepared?" Her voice is low, as if she doesn't want anyone else to hear. Lilly's the only person aside from Miss Yumi and the Nurse who knows the reason for my situation around this time. Not even Akira knows to the extent that Lilly does, and even then Lilly isn't aware of the full story. She edges around the topic, not wanting to cause any undue pressure, but with that simple comment she's already shown her awareness of my reasons for working so hard.

"I... um, I was... I wanted to..."

"It's alright, Hanako. I understand. I won't bring it up if you don't want me to."

"No, that's not... I just wanted t-to get it out of the way... if I miss classes again..." I've been pretty good recently, to be fair. Since opening up that time to Hisao, I've attended most of my lectures. Mutou-sensei has given his usual silent nod towards my leaving for each group project, but even then I've stayed, working alone, or more rarely with Hisao (provided he hasn't been snatched away by Shizune and Misha).

"That's fine, Hanako. It was just a suggestion, but if you feel like getting ready for later..."

"No! I-I want to... I can put it off j-just a l-little bit..."

"Are you quite sure?"

"I... I'm sure..." I'm not lying. The prospect of going to the Shanghai is more tempting than work. If I need to catch up later then so be it. Maybe I could use school work as makeshift therapy when I'm hiding away from the world, though somehow I doubt it will have any effect. As I consider this, the door opens again and a familiar figure walks into the corridor. Lilly's head turns towards the sound.

"Ah, Hisao..." I say to him. It's a little bit of a surprise that he's finished cleaning up so quickly, but more so I'm a little worried he may have heard part of the conversation, despite the closed door. If he did, he makes no signs of understanding what Lilly and I were discussing.

"Oh my, Hisao is here as well?" Presumably she was expecting to have to search for him, or ask me where he might be. It's lucky for her then that Hisao was with me anyway.

"Afternoon, Lilly," he says. "What's up?"

"I was hoping," she replies, "now that I've finished with my class representative duties for the day, that I might have the two of you accompany me for tea at the Shanghai. It would be nice to enjoy ourselves outside of the school, for a change."

"I'd be up for it. I think Hanako had work to do, though...?" Hisao turns to me, as if to ask if I've changed my mind on the notes and exercises still to complete.

"I-it's... not all that much..." I say. It's interesting that I haven't stammered anywhere near as much since meeting Hisao, but as the dark days draw closer my speech is getting worse again.

"Wonderful. It seems that we're all decided then." Lilly clasps her hands together and, taking up her cane again, turns to leave, Hisao and I following in her wake.

* * *

Given the time of day, the road to town is almost deserted. I don't need to hide my face anywhere near as much as usual, though I still hold on close to Lilly. It's not too long before we reach the traditionally styled wooden doors of the Shanghai. We enter to see an almost deserted scene – just how I like it. Lilly takes her arm back from mine for a brief moment to retract her cane, as Yuuko pops up from her usual hidey-hole.

"Welcome to the Shanghai! May I take your order?" She bows as always, even though she doesn't need to. Societal conventions aside, she knows us, and we're informal enough that the bow is unnecessary. Well, to everyone except Yuuko.

"Just tea, please," says Lilly. "Hanako, Hisao?"

"I'll have a slice of pie and some coffee," Hisao responds. That sounds nice, but I'm not exactly hungry, and I prefer tea to coffee anyway.

"Just... t-tea... please..."

"Coming right up. Please take any seat you wish, and I'll be back shortly." With that, Yuuko stumbles across to the counter, a smile and a nod accompanying her, as the three of us walk to the nearest window seats available. I don't hide away for once this time, instead choosing to ignore the world around me. Part of it is increased confidence, perhaps due to Hisao's influence? The other part is that keeping my mind off the days to come means I'm focusing that bit less on what the people around me think. The one good thing to come out of everything, I suppose.

As we sit down, Hisao looks across the table with concern. "Are you okay, Lilly? You look tired." She lowers her head with embarrassment written all over her face.

"Class representative work can be very tiring, considering that it often means dealing with the Student Council. Very tiring indeed."

It doesn't take a genius to work out that by "Student Council", what Lilly means is "her aggressive cousin and the loudest girl in Japan". I'm a little curious about the work though, I must admit. Particularly how other people deal with it. "How... do the other representatives go?" I say quietly.

"Better than I, but not by much. Shizune is a harsh taskmaster no matter whom she deals with." Sometimes I've wondered if the workload for Lilly is that bit higher, simply because of spite. Then again, it's not really hatred between Lilly and Shizune, more just a petty rivalry. Like a sibling thing, except between cousins instead. I wouldn't claim to know the details anyway, just that the pair aren't exactly best friends.

"It doesn't sound like you particularly relish the job," Hisao says. "Why do you do it in the first place, if it's that bad?"

"Being a class representative is enjoyable, and I can deal with the responsibility well enough. It's just that the people involved are sometimes..." She doesn't continue, but I can guess what Lilly was going to say next. Whatever it was, it would be slightly out of character for her. Not to mention the kind of thing you don't generally hear in public, especially a place as nice and quiet as the Shanghai.

With the break in conversation, I take the chance to leave for the restroom without causing a stir. I need it anyway, but I could also do with the time alone. I tend to stay out of Shizune discussions, regardless of my personal feelings on the matter. Thinking certain thoughts is one thing, but I'm not the kind of person to get actively involved in the dispute, even if it's nothing more than talking behind Shizune's back - I had enough of that happening to me after I got my scars.

My intended disappearance doesn't go unnoticed, however, as I rise from my seat. "Hanako?" calls Lilly, turning in my general direction. She must have heard the chair moving back, or felt me next to her as I stood up.

"I'll... be back in a bit." Avoiding any further questions, I leave and make my way to the restroom.

While I'm away from the others, I think about anything I can to keep my mind busy. I think about Shizune and the student council, about Mutou-sensei's lecture today, about the chess games, and even about more mundane things, like the mural on the wall near the dormitories. I was never one for art, but I still think it looks nice, if odd. When I finally return to the table, I find that Yuuko has already been and gone, and waste no time in drinking my tea. We talk about mundane topics as we rest, the conversation turning from the student council to our respective reading choices – far more interesting in my view.

"Hey Hanako," Hisao asks. "I was just wondering... aside from chess and reading, do you have any hobbies or things you like doing?"

I pause, shocked at the question. What's brought this on? Why does Hisao want to know more about my interests? I steal a glance at Lilly, but she wears the same faint smile she had during our previous conversation. She's giving nothing away. Hesitantly, I reply.

"Um... I guess... I like singing a l-little. I'm okay with c-computers as well, but I... don't use them all that much." Next to me, Lilly nods. She already knows this much, and a little more too. I suppose I've always kind of liked jazz, however strange that may seem. I don't own any albums or go to listen to it, but I've occasionally borrowed CDs and a player from Akira or (on very rare occasions) used the computer in the library to listen. I don't say any of this to Hisao though, more out of nerves than a desire to withhold information. "W-what about... y-y..."

"Me?" I nod at Hisao's comment, confirming his thoughts. "There's chess," he says, "obviously, but also... hmm... there was soccer as well, though I can't really do that anymore. Reading, which I picked up in hospital... um..." It's starting to get a bit more awkward now. Maybe going down this path wasn't the best option after all. Lilly takes the opportunity to interject.

"It sounds as if you've picked up quite a few things since your accident." I retreat into myself again, as always, trying subconsciously to avoid dealing with the situation, whereas Lilly tackles it head on to regain control of the circumstances. Not for control's sake, but for mine. Even so, I guess she and Shizune are more alike than either would care to admit.

As she finishes, a soft melody comes from Lilly's pocket. "Sorry..." she says, answering her phone.

"I-it's okay..." She walks a short distance away so as not to disturb Hisao and I.

"Must be nice to be popular." I smile at Hisao's comment, but say nothing. I'd rather not talk right now. "It's nice and peaceful here," he continues, eyes closed in rest. "I wonder what it'd be like to have grown up somewhere like this, rather than in the city."

This slip of information is enough to pique my interest, despite my wishes to stay quiet. "Y-you come from the city?"

Hisao's eyes flicker open as he responds. "Yeah. You could say I was a city kid through and through."

"I-It sounds like a lot changed..."

"It did. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it all, though. It's a bit of a culture shock, in more ways than one. You must've gone through something like this when you first arrived at Yamaku, right? I'd imagine most new students would."

"N-not really..." I look away, a little unnerved. I'm not really sure how much to give away, how much to say to Hisao. It's true that I did feel something similar when I first came to Yamaku, but in a way I was also relieved. Finally, I would be among people whose situations were somewhat similar to my own. It wasn't long before I realised how naive I was being. Cliques and groups are as much a part of Yamaku as they are any other school. It didn't matter that there were other people here who had scars, or who had suffered through incidents like mine. They already had their friendships and groups that I wasn't a part of, and the formative years that I'd spent in the orphanage hadn't exactly helped my confidence or social skills. I ended up falling back to my old habits, just like when playing chess against Hisao that first time. It would be silly to say I'd improved over the past few years. Not by much, at any rate.

Before Hisao can probe any further, we overhear Lilly's conversation in the background. "But can't we deal with that on Monday? The fallout has hardly settled from the last... I understand. I'll try to talk her down. You know what she's like when she gets locked onto an idea... Yes, thank you. I'll talk to you later, then. Goodbye."

She closes her phone and returns to us, but chooses not to sit down. Her face is positioned in our general direction, as if she can hear us breathing or something. I wonder what she was talking about, and who with, but before I can ask the question Hisao cuts in first.

"Need to go?"

"Unfortunately. Class representative work calls once again." That explains that, then.

"I-I can come with you." I've had fun, but being alone with Hisao would be a bit too much at the moment, after the conversation we sort-of just had.

"It's alright, Hanako. I'll just be going straight to the Student Council. There's no need to spoil a fine evening on my account. Besides, if you were to accompany me on my way back to the school, who would keep our poor Hisao company?"

As Lilly speaks I notice the hints of a very mischievous smile start to form on her lips. Her eyes are on me, even though she can't see me. She knows that I don't want to stay, and she's doing it anyway, damn her. I wonder how much she knows of my possible feelings in that regard? For Hisao, or not, either way she must know more than she's letting on. Otherwise, why have me stay here? I couldn't even go quietly with her, Lilly's hearing is too good, and she's not stupid. I give up.

"Okay..." My voice is timid as ever.

"I can join you for tea again later tonight, if you'd like. I may well need it." I agree to meet her later, passing Lilly her cane, and she leaves enough money (despite Hisao's protestations) to pay her share of the tea and meal, before saying her goodbyes to Yuuko and the pair of us. As she heads out the door, I glance at Hisao, acutely aware of the silence between us. This is almost as bad as if he were asking more questions about my past. I want to open up to him, but the closer we get to that day, the harder it becomes.

"Want to order something else to keep us going?" he asks, filling the quiet. "We haven't had much of a dinner, after all." That's something I can definitely get behind, and I nod with enthusiasm. Hisao looks across to Yuuko, who takes the hint and hurries over.

"Would you like something else?"

"I'll just have a sandwich special and a hot chocolate," says Hisao. "Bit late for coffee by now. Hanako?"

"I-I'll... have the same..." I'm not massively hungry, but something to eat would still be good, and I'm not picky. Yuuko nods to us both and delivers another low bow, before turning on her heel and heading to the counter to prepare our order. Hisao and I sit in silence until she returns, bringing food and drink together with a smile. As Hisao begins to eat, I watch him, and start to fidget just a little.

"Not hungry?" I guess he noticed me. I shake my head to show him how wrong he is.

"I-it's not that."

"Aw," he replies. "I was all ready to have your share too." I can't help but let a tiny smile creep out, but my heart isn't in it. As I study his face, I notice that there's something a little... off.

"You looked... t-troubled. I-is something... w-wrong?"

Hisao pauses for a second or two. "We're friends, right?" His comment catches me off guard, but in a way he's right. I hope we are, at least...

"Friends..." I hesitate, and wonder what I should say, before deciding to just come right out and be honest. Well, not totally honest, at least about my feelings... "I-I think t-that we are..."

He seems rather relieved. "I see..."

I hope he's relieved, at any rate. His actions, his tone, and his posture, all suggest so, but the words don't match up. Why did Lilly have to leave? I don't know how to deal with this situation. "A-am I wrong? S-sorry, I-I..."

"No, it's just... hearing confirmation of that from you is reassuring." That's definitely a relief, at least for me, but he could have been a bit more direct. It would have been so much easier for me then! Hisao continues, "To pick up on what you said earlier: since coming to Yamaku, I've been a bit uneasy about how I should relate with others." He chuckles a little before picking up his mug. I can't tell him, but Hisao's feelings are nothing new to me. I guess he's figured that out already. Except in my case, it's more than just unease. It's not as if Hisao has to see a therapist like I do, after all.

My thoughts are disturbed suddenly, as a cry of pain comes from the boy opposite me. "Ouch! That's hot..."

I giggle a little, thinking that maybe I should have at least told him that. Oh well, no time like the present. "Th-that's why... That's why I haven't eaten yet. I-I was waiting... for my drink to cool down first." Fortunately Hisao doesn't seem to be annoyed at me for holding back the information. Not openly anyway.

"I guess I'll wait, then." He puts his mug back down and we both start to laugh, softly and quietly. It's a little bizarre, but there's not much else we can do really. I don't feel like talking, and I think Hisao has figured that out by now. We don't say anything else as we finally finish our little meal, pay Yuuko the bill, and start the journey back to Yamaku.

When we finally get back to the campus, and the space between the male and female dormitories, the day's events catch up and I let out a little yawn, one I try (and fail) to stifle in front of Hisao. "I'd better be off to my room, then," he says. "See you tomorrow, Hanako."

"G-good night..." We both turn and walk towards our respective buildings, as I realise that I probably won't be having that tea meeting with Lilly that we agreed on. I'm not so sure she'll be back from her Council work anyway, if Shizune is involved again. Before I get too far away, though, I stop and turn back to face Hisao, watching as he leaves. Tonight was fun. It helped me keep my mind occupied, at least for a while, and although I wasn't exactly engaged in the conversation it was nice to learn a bit more about my new friend.

As I stop, Hisao also turns to look back at me, and I give a little wave, a rare and genuine smile upon my face. He smiles and waves back, before turning for the last time and walking away. I follow suit and begin the climb to my room, no doubt for the sole purpose of falling onto my bed and going straight to sleep. I'm scared, to be completely honest. I know tonight will be no different to every other night for the past few weeks, with nightmares and self-doubt racking my mind as I try to rest. What was a useful distraction earlier will have no effect when I'm asleep, and no matter what I do I can't focus on anything else again. I've been trying the relaxation techniques my therapist explained, and I've tried reading chess books before I sleep to give myself something else to think about, but it's no good at all. I reach my bed, undress and fall back onto the pillows. Morning takes a long time coming.


	13. Act 3, Chapter 2: Queen's Side Castle

**Act 3 – Chapter Two: Queen's Side Castle**

As I enter Miss Yumi's office for our latest session, I can think of little else except how I don't want to be here.

As we make our first moves in our regular game of Go, I sit in near silence, answering only her usual questions about how I am, with a monotone voice and a clear message of unwillingness to chat.

I don't want to talk about all this. I wish I could just forget everything that happened to me when I was young, all the reasons for me being in this room right now. Hell, even the reasons for me coming to Yamaku in the first place. I want to turn the clock back and return to a time long before I met Lilly and Akira and Miss Yumi, before Yuuko and Hisao were ever aware of my existence. A time when I had a family, when I had people who loved me unconditionally for who I was, not for what damage had been done and how it had changed me so much. I just want to forget my past, my present, and change it all.

I'm startled from my reverie by Miss Yumi's voice, soft but stern, and I realise she isn't exactly happy about my current mood.

"Miss Hanako," she says, holding a black stone in one hand while resting her head in the other. "I understand that our recent meetings have been... less than fruitful. I know that things are hard. But you must realise, I can't help you if you are unwilling to even talk to me and let me do what I can for you." She places her piece and allows me to reply.

"I... I understand... Miss Yumi." I do. I really do. But she doesn't seem to realise herself that I don't want her help. She can't help me. Nobody can. I quickly place a white stone to avoid speaking to her.

"Miss Hanako, I want to be clear here. Our meetings each week are scheduled so that we can attempt to work towards some resolution in terms of the emotional trauma you have suffered. I want to help you. But Yamaku admitted you as a student on the basis that you would at least make some effort to respond to these sessions, and try your best to improve. This isn't for our benefit, but yours. In the past year we have made good progress, and recently things seemed to be getting much better. Now we're moving backwards again. We can continue these meetings as we have done for the past few weeks, without any effort on your part, or we can simply wait until after these times have passed and begin afresh. It's your choice, and I will support you no matter what, but you have to make your decision now."

That's the most I've ever heard Miss Yumi say in one go, and in a way it startles me. I know she has my best interests at heart, and I feel guilty for doing this to her, but everything she has done for me makes no difference around this time. Last year I refused to even attend our sessions, and afterwards was called in to a meeting with a representative from the Yamaku Foundation to discuss my absences. Miss Yumi managed to persuade them to give me another chance, but I knew then that I couldn't afford to do the same thing this year. Otherwise I'd be in my room now, reading, trying my hardest to think about anything but the looming date.

I can see two sides to what she is saying, but it seems to me that neither answer will be good enough. If we continue as we have done, it will only serve to frustrate Miss Yumi more, though she would never show it, save for a soft sigh here and there. Much like Lilly. If I abandon my therapy until afterwards, it will do nobody any good, and I run the risk of further meetings with the Foundation. Meetings where I'll no longer be able to rely on the good grace and support of Miss Yumi. She'll help, of course, but there's less chance that the Foundation will listen this time. In a way, she's trapped me in taking a third option. I have no choice but to treat these sessions like any other, and try to allow Miss Yumi to help me. I know she won't be able to, past experience tells me as much. But I don't have any further say in the matter.

"I... I want t-to stay. I'll do w-what I c-can..." Another piece is placed on the board.

"I'm glad to hear that, Miss Hanako, but you have to work with me. I don't wish to be hard on you, and without your support there's little I can do for you." More spaces captured. I've already lost the game, just as I've lost the argument, long before it's even begun.

"I... I understand."

"Good. Now that we're on the same page once more, we can move on. I'm very curious to hear more about your friendship with Mister Hisao Nakai. How is that faring these days, I wonder?"

She brushes the previous subject under the carpet so easily, but I know she'll come back to the topic later. When we finish our game, which seems to be coming very soon judging by the current state of play, the restriction of the rule on speech will be lifted, and we'll both be able to talk without having to wait for our turn in the match. I know that for these difficult conversations, Miss Yumi prefers to be free to speak when she needs to, and I always allow her to. It's easier for me as well, that way.

"They... they're well. I t-think he's b-busy t-today... though..."

I'm unwilling to give more information, and Miss Yumi seems willing to drop the matter. At least I'm answering her questions now, which would appear to have been her main concern. Lilly said something similar actually, earlier, when I saw her in the corridor in the dormitories. She did also mention that she was going to see Akira in town, but when I asked for more details she was unusually hesitant. I'm still curious now, but it's not worth thinking about. I hope not, at any rate.

"That's good to hear, Miss Hanako. Did you ever speak to Lilly about the subject you mentioned to me?"

"N-not much..." I did bring the topic up once, briefly, but I was too shy to say any more. From what I can tell, Lilly doesn't feel that way about Hisao, but even so I'm loath to do anything about my own potential feelings. Not that I could anyway. Really, her answer would have changed nothing, save making me feel a little more or a little less guilty.

"I see." Miss Yumi pauses for a moment, before continuing to speak. She knows that even now I don't want to stick around, but I stay put in my seat regardless. "Miss Hanako, I want you to remember, whatever happens, to hold on to those feelings. Whether they're there or not, the idea of friendship, or indeed anything more, will be an anchor for you. You need to remember that there are people who care for you, who love you without cost, who will always be there to help you when you need it. I hope you realise that."

"I... I do, Miss Y-Yumi." I know what she means. That's half the problem. They're always there and won't allow me to spread my own wings, no matter how small the wingspan may be. I don't need a saviour. I need true friendship. Maybe with Hisao I'll have that now, but I can't be certain, and it's too late for this year to find out if he could be that person.

My final stone is placed. This game has gone remarkably quickly, but then again I made a lot of silly errors in my first moves, and gave Miss Yumi a massive advantage (not that she needed one) from the very beginning. It was no surprise for her swift victory to arrive so suddenly. In a way, I'm relived. We can talk freely, and if I want to leave I have no further guilt now in doing so.

"Miss Hanako..." I knew she's come back to this subject. "You told me a few weeks ago that you were having nightmares. How are they now?"

They're much the same, and I tell her so. I don't give any details, she heard those when I first described them to her, when I wasn't quite as bad as now. I remember my parents sitting on wooden chairs in our lounge, watching television, while I, six years old once more, rest on the floor playing with some kind of plastic blocks. In my nightmares, I look up and everything is well, but then the smell of burning plastic hots me, and I look down to see the blocks in flames, melting in my hands. As I drop them, I look up to see my parents engulfed, everything around us burning. Within seconds they're replaced by nothing but bones and ash, before I let out a piercing scream. I wake up every night in the same way, but no sound comes from my lips. I'm sweating and shaking but can't call for help, my mouth as dry as the air around me as I watch my parents burn. I told Miss Yumi three weeks ago, and I've never told anyone else. Even Lilly doesn't know. I can hear the concern in her voice each morning, but she's never heard me screaming as I wake, never heard my quiet sobs in the dark. I'm helpless.

I'm helpless.

Miss Yumi starts to speak again. "I can provide medication to help you sleep, for the time being, but I'd rather not do so if given a choice. I don't like the idea of drugging you simply to help you get some rest each night. It's up to you, Miss Hanako. If you feel it would be better for you then I'll ask Nurse to make the arrangements."

"That... that won't b-be necessary... t-thank you, though..." I don't want to be doped up in order to sleep each night. If these nightmares are to be my punishment, for surviving while my family died in front of me, then I'll suffer them without complaint.

"Then it's your choice. I would make a suggestion, though."

"Y-yes, Miss Y-Yumi?" What does she mean?

"In order to get through this time, you need to try and replace your old memories with new ones. Happy ones. Maybe then you'll be able to face these days without fear, and without the emotional stress that you have so far been facing."

"What d-do you m-mean?"

Miss Yumi pauses again for the smallest of moments, before replying to my query. "I'd like you to make an effort to become friendlier with the people around you. You've already opened yourself up to Mr Nakai, and things seem to be progressing well with him. Perhaps the time is ripe for you to allow others to get close to you also. In doing so, you'll have more opportunities to move on from your current emotional state, and forge new lasting friendships. Remember, it's the second most important gift, after all."

I don't know that I'll be able to easily do what Miss Yumi is requesting, but perhaps she has a point. If I can make a new friend in Hisao then maybe I can make new friends among my other fellow students. I'm scared, though, that I won't be able to. I worry that Ill shut down again as soon as anyone even tries to speak to me. Perhaps with Shizune or Misha there's a chance, since I already know them a little through Lilly, and since they're friends of Hisao it might be easier for me to handle being with them. Then again, their attitudes and Misha's loudness may be a problem...

I don't know if I can do it, but it's worth a try. I have to be stronger, for my sake and for Miss Yumi too. She has confidence in me, despite our past few breakdowns in therapy. I know that I mustn't betray her and that the effort will be tough, but manageable. Still, as I give her my goodbyes and leave her office, I know that it will be extremely hard to go against everything I've spent doing at Yamaku so far. I realise how difficult making a new friend will be, whoever I try to open up to. Where would I even start?

Perhaps I could try to join a work group during class tomorrow, ideally whoever Hisao works with. It's the only chance I'll have, as I know I won't seek one out myself. Walking back to my bedroom though, my confidence fails me, and I break down silently. The memories of my past come flooding back and the images of my recurring nightmare rush into my mind without hesitation. I spend my afternoon in bed, crying myself to sleep.

I wish the morning would come soon. I wish everything was different.

Darkness falls. The nightmare comes again.


	14. Act 3, Chapter 3: Fracture

**Act 3 – Chapter Three: Fracture**

Turning up to classes is a massive work of effort now. If I had my way I'd simply lie in bed and stare at the walls until this passes. However, I owe it to Miss Yumi to at least try. Besides, I can see Hisao getting worried after my good behaviour recently, and the last thing I need is him knocking on the door (with or without Lilly's support) trying to drag me away. Even if he felt it was the best thing for me.

So, here I am. Nevertheless, I'm barely listening to the lecture. Something about chemistry, I think. I've probably read it somewhere already. I glance briefly at Hisao but his eyes are fixed on the window, the sun shining outside and beckoning us all to escape the dull room I feel increasingly trapped in. As I look away I'm startled by my name, of all things.

"Now... Ikezawa?"

Mutou-sensei stares at me, not at my scars, but directly into my eyes. Did he sense that I wasn't paying attention? No, he's not so harsh. It was just my turn to answer something for once. It's extremely rare, though, given my situation. I stare back, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone but the teacher. "Y-yes?"

He clears his throat and asks the question. "In this particular example of a redox reaction, the combustion of methane reaction actually produces one more product than is listed. That product is...?"

I quickly scan the board to see what is listed, and where the gaps are. I definitely read about this just last week, while trying to prepare for my eventual withdrawal. It still takes a moment, though, for the right answer to arrive in my head. I bite my lip as I try to come up with the words to say...

"Um... h-heat?"

A few seconds pass in silence. I worry that I've made a fool of myself in front of the rest of the class. Then... "Well done. This is an exothermic reaction, with the reaction giving more heat than is put into it." Mutou nods briefly and turns away, continuing his lecture, as I gratefully sink into my seat and sigh. I managed to get through without too much trouble. My exterior betrays nothing, and nobody can tell the trauma still hidden inside. I steal another look at Hisao and notice he's smiling, just a little. It's a start.

"Right then. For the remainder of this class I'd like you to work in groups of three or four on the problems in chapter twelve. I'll be here if you need me." With Mutou's instructions comes a nod in my direction, his silent approval for me to take my leave and retreat to the library. As he sits down he takes some paperwork from his desk and starts to write. I hear a familiar voice to one side, Hisao being accosted as usual by a pink piece of construction equipment and her silent handler.

"I suppose we have a group, then", he says.

"Hicchan!" comes the reply. "You want to work together? Okay, okay! That's great, it's really been a while!" As if he had a choice. It looks to me like they're standing on either side of his desk, surrounding him, not the other way around. The noise of people moving tables and shuffling their chairs is almost deafening, an irony I doubt is lost on our esteemed president.

Can I do this? Really? I think back to my last session with Miss Yumi. It's not too late for me to leave, to slip away silently and head to my favourite beanbag. Or even further afield. Nobody would blame me, if anyone were even to notice with my exit being masked by the racket around me. Still, Miss Yumi's words come back to me. She wanted me to at least try and do something with other people. Working as part of a group would be perfect, especially if I'm working with Hisao. At least then there'd be somebody I know and could even possibly trust without any problems. Shizune can't do much either, relying on Misha to act as her 'voice'. And there's the problem. How would I be able to deal with someone as loud and boisterous as Misha?

It's a difficult decision. As the sound dies down I realise that I have little time left to make a move. What would Miss Yumi say, as if I don't already know? Or Lilly, for that matter? They'd both be gently, ever so slightly, pushing me to join in, without it being too obvious or forceful. It wouldn't be too hard for them to suggest what I should do, but never try to control my choices or push me too hard to do something I don't want to do.

I know I'll regret this if I don't join in. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I move slowly forward and stand uneasily just behind Shizune, wondering if I should make my presence known, when Hisao catches my eye. As he does, Misha turns (presumably curious to what he's looking at) and faces me. "Good afternoon, Hanako!"

"Um... hello..." I return the greeting quietly, eyes fixed on Misha's hands as she relays the words to Shizune. In turn, the president looks across at me, before tapping Misha's shoulder to get her attention. I find myself unable to follow the rapid signing that follows, even if I could read the language (which I can't).

"Shicchan says, if you're looking for a group, you can join ours!" I'm a little surprised, truth be told. I expected questions, with Shizune wanting to know why I chose to stay behind this time. The lack of an interrogation is far from unwelcome, in any case. I look down and blush, ever so slightly. At least I'm with people I know, even if it's a tenuous relationship at best in two of the three cases.

I turn away to bring my desk across, the sound of metal dragging on the floor grating in my ears. Behind me I hear Misha in her quietest voice, which isn't actually that quiet. "I guess we get to play again, Hicchan! You hardly ever play with us anymore..." From the choice of words I guess it's Shizune who was really saying that. Misha is playful, sure, but I've never had much indication she's the type to flirt with anyone, and especially not Hisao. As for Shizune, well, I know from past experience and from Lilly's comments how competitive she gets. All this would just be another game to her.

As I think I almost miss Hisao's response... "I wonder why? You two always seem to have some ulterior motive." My thoughts exactly.

"That hurt, Hicchan..." Shizune again, I would assume. As close to direct a response as she can manage to the challenge posed by Hisao. "I'd almost think you were insulting me! But! It's Hicchan, so I know that you're joking!"

I'm facing the trio now as I move my desk a bit closer, struggling to navigate the narrow corridors left by the haphazard arrangement elsewhere in the classroom. I can see Misha smiling like the Cheshire Cat, while Shizune's face is marred by an exasperated frown. I suppose the last sentence was Misha's little edit.

"Such a great sense of humour about it; it'd be awful if someone were to take advantage of your good nature." Hisao goes on the offensive. "Like making you help them with their work."

As he finishes speaking, Shizune's look changes from a frown to a triumphant smirk, as if she's suddenly realised that her foe has forced himself into checkmate. "Wahaha," her translator cries. Before anything further can be said, Shizune meets my eye and maintains a more neutral expression. I guess now I'm ready to start working, the games are over.

As I sit down my face drops and I look straight at the floor. I've already noticed something nobody else has, something that the previous conversation was enough to distract me from, however briefly. Now that the silence has hit, the curious looks of those around me are enough to push me deeper into my reverie. Nobody gives a damn when I leave the classroom, but it's so strange for me to stick around. Everyone feels the need to stare, and it makes me feel awful.

I do my best to ignore it, but still the eyes are on me for a few minutes longer. Hisao meets my gaze for the shortest second before I look away, but I see the concern spread across his features. At least he cares. Misha and Shizune make an effort to avoid paying any attention to what's going on, and for that I'm grateful. They're acting as if nothing's wrong and in a way it's comforting. It makes me feel just a tiny bit more at ease, no simple task here, but it will take a lot more than that to put me fully at rest. Even so, the gesture is nice.

Eventually the rest of the class settles down to work. "Hi, Hanako," comes a bright voice from my side. "It's nice to finally work with you."

I appreciate Misha's comment, especially since I know it's from her (no sign from Shizune, in the literal sense of the term), but my mind is still on the events of a moment ago. "Y-yeah." Across from me, Shizune finally starts to sign, as Misha quickly translates.

"Are you the reason Hicchan has been avoiding us lately? Shicchan says it's a little rude, but if Hicchan wanted to spend time with a cute girl, it's understandable!"

I'm a little embarrassed at that. Well, more than a little. I act on reflex, moving my hand to cover the right side of my face, but nobody else seems to notice. Of interest to me is the wording used just now, though. I realise that Misha was adding her own comment to the message conveyed by Shizune, but I doubt someone like Shizune would say I was 'cute'. Then again, I wouldn't expect anyone to say something like that. So that must have been Misha's addition. Why would she say that? In my nervousness I can't help but return to my old stammer.

"I-I don't t-think it's like that..." I start to fidget, my hands unable to stay still. I uncover my face and pick at my palms, my fingers twitching, unable to cope with the attention. I do like Misha, but right now I wish she'd simply shut up.

"Really?" she continues. "So! He wasn't hanging out with you yesterday?"

What is she talking about? Nobody was hanging out with me yesterday. I was either with Miss Yumi or alone... "N... no..." I sneak a look at Hisao, who's starting to look a lot more uncomfortable. What is he trying to hide? Do I really want to know?

"Yeah," he says, "I was... doing something else. You know how it is..." Looking at him, he clearly doesn't want to discuss this any more than I do. Can we not just start working already? It doesn't work out that way, however, as Shizune starts signing further questions. Perhaps I was quick to dismiss the probability of an 'interrogation' earlier after all.

"Really? I wonder what was so important, for Hicchan to blow us off like that! If it wasn't to spend time with Hanako, then what could it be? It's really interesting..."

No, it isn't interesting, Misha. Please, just stop. I know she doesn't mean to cause any trouble, but she seems to have such difficulty in picking up on how awkward this is for us all. Nevertheless, I'm starting to get more and more worried about what Hisao was doing yesterday. I know I spoke to Lilly, albeit only very briefly, when I had a chance (reluctantly, on Miss Yumi's advice), about the possibility of her having feelings for Hisao. Maybe I was too vague in my clumsy questioning to get a clear answer...

"W... were you with L-Lilly?" I can't help myself, and in the corner of my eye I see a brief flash of amusement cross Misha's face. The glimmer of defeat betrays Hisao's next comment.

"W-what makes you say that?"

I've had a stammer long enough to recognise Hisao's stumble there, even if the guarded tone of his voice wasn't a clue. I know I'm right. "Y-yesterday Lilly said something s-similar..." Which is true. She was much better at hiding her intentions than Hisao, too. She's a much better liar, though I'm not sure if that's a good thing, or bad.

While I try to locate the falsehood in Hisao's words, Misha jumps back in to the conversation, spurred on by more signs from Shizune. I can't help but wonder which of them is enjoying this more, and it makes me feel sick. "Suspicious! Hicchan! I demand that you explain yourself!"

"Hey, shouldn't we be doing the assignment?" I kind of agree with Hisao here, but I still want to know more. I realise I'm torturing myself by doing so, but the lack of knowledge seems so much worse than the truth.

"But! It's so mysterious... even Hanako wants to know!" It's clear all over my face, and Misha can see that, but inside I'm tearing myself apart with indecision. Either answer would be better than this, but I'm dreading hearing it.

"Alright. I'll tell you. I went into town with Lilly, but it wasn't what you think." Alright then. This is it. Moment of truth. "Lilly and I were," he continues. "Uh... for Hanako's birthday... we were..."

No.

No. I don't want to believe it. What did she say to him? What did she tell him?

All I can sense is silence. Hisao knows there's something wrong, but he doesn't say a word. Misha and Shizune both know about my troubles, they heard from Lilly long ago, but they don't understand how bad it can get. As soon as I heard that word, it acted like a trigger. Hisao and Lilly being alone in the city together only makes it worse. My mind races through the worst possibilities I can think of, as Shizune and Misha exchange sheepish looks. I stare at my desk, my face frozen. I barely hear the next words from Misha, much quieter than her usual manner of speech.

"Hanako? I'm sorry..."

Does she even know what she's apologising for? Is she saying sorry for thinking Lilly and Hisao were doing something else together? Is she sorry for what they really were up to? Or is she sorry for the way she kept pushing and pushing and pushing...

I wait a few seconds, but each one lasts a lifetime for me.

Eventually I raise my head. "I-it's... okay..." I can barely speak. I look at the paper in front of me but nothing sinks in. I can't focus. My mind is full of nothing but bad thoughts, flashbacks to my distant past. My hands are numb, unmoving, while I can't hear a word anybody says to me or anyone else. I'm dimly aware that Misha is trying again to speak, but the context flies overhead and my brain refuses to register a single damn thing. I reply on nothing but impulse, my mouth acting on autopilot. "I-I... um.. n-not really... I g-guess..." The simple reply gives my body a chance to breathe out, the only other sign I make of any kind of human reaction.

"You okay?" Hisao's voice goes straight through me like a knife. "I could go over this bit if you want."

He doesn't understand. None of them understand. Not a single one. I shake my head again, the tiniest of movements. I don't need to know this, I don't want to work on the damn problems, I just want to be alone and I don't need any of this hassle, I don't need the constant looks of pity and the staring at my scars and the oblivious glances, I just want sweet blessed oblivion itself, anything to keep me away from all this... this...

Still. That's all I am. Nothing more. Completely still. Like the grave.

"Hanako?" Misha sounds like a high-pitched cannon going off in my head, such a contrast to the blissful silence of a mere moment ago. "Are you sure you're okay?"

No, Misha. I'm not okay. "Y-yes..."

"Are you sure?" No, Hisao, I'm not sure. "I'm fine." I turn my head away in a vain attempt to reinforce my statement, my rare defiance. I stay silent as the others discuss the group problems. I have enough problems of my own.

Beside me I feel the subtle vibrations in the air as Shizune's arms wave. I feel everything around me so much more keenly now. On cue, the translation comes. "Hanako, you're being too quiet. You have to contribute too! Someday, we might work on a bigger project, like one that's so big it's worth celebrating afterwards, like with ice cream, or cake. If you act like this, we won't take you along!"

I don't want cake. I don't want ice cream.

I want my family.

"Guys," my white knight says, "don't tease her like that." I feel so damn helpless. I feel sick at myself, at Hisao, at Lilly, even Miss Yumi. I want this to be over. I want it all to end.

"Hicchan, it's all in good fun! Shicchan says she teases everyone, anyway." I don't care. No wonder Lilly doesn't get along with her.

Don't they understand I'm not like everyone else? Do they just not care? And after all this time, those tiny movements aside, I haven't even twitched.

"Hey, the clock is kind of ticking down. We should speed up a little."

How long have I been like this? How long have I lost myself in my thoughts of despair and self-loathing? A second drags on forever and minutes lose all meaning.

"Hicchan! You sound a little like Shicchan, there..."

"Just because I looked at my watch? Jeez, is that really all it takes? Time management, and suddenly I'm the Student Council president?"

I want to laugh along with them but I know it will never happen. I'm not like them. I don't know how to act around people, I don't know what it's like to have friends or family or to be normal. Everything around me is conspiring to make my whole life nothing but a living hell and I'm sick and tired of feeling this way but there's nothing I can do as the clock ticks down and seconds pass like lifetimes and I feel the stares and everyone is looking at me even Hisao and Misha and Shizune and I just feel my life is worthless I should have died too I shouldn't be here I shouldn't be here I shouldn't be here...

Misha keeps asking what's wrong and there's nothing I can say, I literally cannot say anything to her and I wish she would just shut the hell up and leave me alone. Outside I'm frozen but on the inside I'm screaming, windows shattering in my own psyche and breaking every single bond I was ever foolish enough to construct...

"Did.. we upset her?" My eyes are closed and yet I still hear Misha speak, I still feel the motion in the air that suggests someone walking towards us. Mutou-sensei is the only choice, nobody else would even care enough to make the effort to do anything but stare. His voice confirms it.

"Don't worry." He looks straight at me, but unlike everyone else, he looks into my eyes.

He's the only one who cares enough to try.

"Hi, Ikezawa. Can I help you at all?" I don't say a word. His hand rests gently on my shoulder and I tremble like a leaf in the breeze. He stands back. "Is that it? Nothing's wrong, then?"

I feel the stares subside. I'm grateful.

"I think," Mutou continues quietly, "for Ikezawa's sake, that it would be good to quickly take her somewhere away from others. Nakai, Hakamichi, could you please take Ikezawa out of the classroom? I'll keep everyone settled, so please don't worry about anything but her, okay?"

I feel them take my arms and pick me up, though my legs are just barely strong enough to walk, in a fashion. Whatever control I still have over my feelings are spent on Mutou-sensei for his help, for keeping Misha away as I'm taken somewhere else.

It doesn't matter though.

Nothing else matters. When I start to gain some semblance of life again I find myself in the corridor with Hisao and Shizune. I say nothing. Nothing matters now.

"Are you okay with me taking you to the Nurse's office?" Shizune is gone. I'm dimly aware of that, at least. I stay quiet but stand and follow Hisao as he walks. We reach the office without incident. The corridors are empty and I can barely say a word. The moment we get there, I'm shown to a bed. My eyes stay open as I fail to sleep.


	15. Act 3, Chapter 4: Flanking

**Act 3 – Chapter Four: Flanking**

I don't feel any better when I return to my room. As soon as I arrived at the infirmary a message was sent to Miss Yumi, and she arrived not long after Hisao left. Maybe they even passed each other in the corridor, I don't know. Two worlds colliding? In any case, she sat with me for a few hours, gently coaxing me out of my catatonic state while the Nurse watched. She even brought a Go set along, though by the time I felt fit enough to play we had nothing to say to each other. I don't want to talk about this morning.

Now I'm lying on my side in my room, all alone. The door is unlocked but I don't have the strength to get up and lock it. My eyes are closed so tight not a single teardrop can escape. I just want to be left here by myself, but blessed solitude is a hard won gift here.

"Hello, Hanako." Lilly's voice rings through my ears, while next to her I can just about hear someone else putting something down. I can guess who it is, and Lilly's next words confirm it. "Hisao told me about what happened today... are you alright?"

I should think the answer would be obvious, but I can't bring myself to say it to her. My eyes open just a little as I reply. "I... I'm okay..." As I turn my head slightly I see the frown on Hisao's face, quickly masked by a deliberately neutral expression. Can he not bear letting me see his concern? I can't understand why. It's not as if I'm any good to him, nor Lilly. Not worth worrying about. "S-sorry... f-for making you w-worry." R-really... I'm f-fine now..."

I close my eyes again and listen to Hisao's response. "I said it before, right? You don't need to be sorry for this." There wasn't a need for this in the first place. No need for you to bother with helping me.

"Hisao's right. We... I... shouldn't have hidden something like a birthday celebration from you." Please don't say it. I shiver a touch and shy away from the words. There's no point, Lilly.

She crouches and brings her head closer to mine. "I'm the one who should be sorry, Hanako." No. Don't say that, don't you dare. Why even waste your time with me?

I stare at her, the way I hate others doing so to me. The irony isn't lost on me but right now I don't care. I can't help but be amazed that after all this they still care about me. They're fools for doing so, but at least I have someone here now. It won't help me but at least I have someone to miss me. I find the strength to pull myself up and twist my body around, bringing myself slowly into a sitting position.

Next to me, Lilly feels the movement on my mattress and sits down, taking my left hand in hers as she sits on my right.

"Lilly," Hisao says, "if you want me to go..."

I don't. For once I have people here for me. I still feel conflicted but between not deserving help right now and still wanting it, I don't want Hisao to leave. "I don't... want that..." I manage to say. I glance up briefly to see their reactions, and am met with faces filled with surprise. Hisao mumbles "Okay..." and sits at the desk.

I look back at Lilly, her blank eyes resting on me, as close to seeing me as she can get, and I know something is wrong. Why else would they be here, making so much effort to comfort me? All I want is to be alone, and yet I wanted Hisao here. Why? It makes no sense even to me. My thoughts are disjointed, my feelings all over the place but always converging on a single point. My loss, and my tragedy.

My fears are confirmed when Lilly next speaks. "Hanako, I'm afraid I have some bad news." She pauses and my face falls. "My aunt has fallen ill, so I need to return to my family for a time."

She's leaving? "Your... family... You mean in Scotland, right?" She has to go to Scotland? She won't be here... I'll have no-one but Hisao. Which is about as useful as having them both, really. I'd only be pushing them both away again for the next few weeks anyway.

"That's right. Akira and I will be leaving Saturday."

"S-so you're going away?" I don't want her to leave, and yet it's better for me if she does. She won't be knocking on my door each day filled with useless worry that I'm not worthy of. My mind is torn and I can't say or do a single thing to show it.

"I won't be gone for long. Probably only a week or two. I'll be back before you know it, and Hisao will be here, right?" I don't want him here, that's the problem. He's wasting his time on me and I'm a fool for thinking anything could come of it. I'm not worth his time in the first place.

"That's right, I'm not going anywhere." Such a fool...

"I-is your aunt going to be alright?" No reason I can't show concern for others, people who should probably get it more than me.

"I'm not sure," comes Lilly's response. I can't help but feel just a tiny bit better for the distraction in my mind, something else for me to hold onto as a barrier against the demons in the dark. It only makes me feel more guilty, though, but in a different way. We all stay silent for a few moments, before the quiet is broken by Hisao.

"Anyway, we were thinking that it would be a good idea to have a going-away party for Lilly, and it could double as... yeah..."

Don't say it. Don't send me back into that state. Don't break me yet again, please, Hisao. After all you've done for me, no matter how stupidly, I don't want you to be so cruel.

I'm saved as he cuts himself off. Not a mention made, but we all know what he means. Lilly replies as she squeezes my hand ever so gently. "Is it alright by you, Hanako? It won't be anything lavish or overdone, just something small in my room."

If it's so small, I might be able to do something. I might just be able to manage it. "S-so just in the school? Just us?"

"That's right," she confirms, "just the three of us. If you like, I could ask Akira to come as well."

"O...kay. Y-you're only going for a week?" Akira might help, if this proves a distraction as I hope it does.

"One week or two, yes. I promise you it won't be any longer."

"O-okay..." So she won't be here for my actual... Will she tell Hisao what to expect? The best thing he can do, for himself and for me, will be to leave me alone then. To not even try being there for me. There's no point. There's no point...

"All right then," he cuts in. "You look like you need a rest, Hanako, so it might be best if we all went back to our rooms for now."

That might be best, yes. With this visit my mind is as exhausted as my body and I just want to sleep. Maybe I'll be lucky and the nightmares won't come. I still don't see why they're wasting their time with me, but I'm not ungrateful for it. "You know that if you ever want anything, you can always talk to me or Hisao, right?" If I deserve it, Lilly, then yes, I know. It's a big if, though.

"I... understand. Thank you Lilly, Hisao."

"Well then, good night, Hanako." She gets up from the bed and starts to walk towards the door, Hisao following close behind.

"Night..." They close the door behind them and my head flops down onto the pillow once more. I can hear muffled voices from the corridor outside, but I have no interest in eavesdropping. I just want to sleep. My eyes close again, but this time there are no more tears to fall. No tears to guard against. Despite my hopes, the nightmares come again.


	16. Act 3, Chapter 5: White Knight Sacrifice

**Act 3 – Chapter Five: White Knight Sacrifice**

I avoid lessons the next day. I don't feel up to it, I don't want to go down there and face the stares and the judgement from everyone, people harassing me and asking what happened yesterday. Not to mention I was advised to stay in by Miss Yumi. Normally she tries to get me out there, talking to people, making some effort to get past my issues, but she's nothing if not tactful. I wonder why she even tries to help me? It's just a job for her, surely? Again I find myself torn in two. On the one hand, I don't feel like anybody should bother trying to help me, as if I actually deserve the sympathy or the aid. On the other hand, I want to be helped. I want people to be there for me. When the times are less hard, when everything is calm then I can find some balance, and I can feel as if, for once, I do deserve the support given by those few who care. It's all I want. When we move closer to the tough times, though, and breakdowns like this become commonplace, I find it so much more difficult to cope and find the common ground. My despair triumphs over my hope, and all that's left is darkness.

A void in my heart and screaming in my head.

I find myself sleeping in, unable to wake from the noise in my mind. My own voice muffled by the confines of my brain, no physical thing, but a purely mental torture. When I do finally wake up, I stare at the ceiling. After a while, I take a shower, taking advantage of the fact that everyone is in lessons, but when I return to my room wearing my dressing gown I return immediately to bed. No food in my stomach, nor water, my body fights against me but I can barely force myself out of bed to find something to eat or drink. I'm given no motivation to do so, until I hear a faint knocking on the very edge of hearing.

A pause. I wait in silence. The knocking comes again.

This time it's louder, just a little. I try to get up as the sound gradually increases in volume, but when I finally place my feet on the floor the knocking stops.

I stagger across to the door, hoping against hope that whoever it is hasn't left. I'm in two minds – it might be Lilly or Hisao, in which case I want to see them. I want something to take my mind away from all this, to reassure me that everything will be fine. However, it could just as easily be one of my neighbours, or other classmates, wanting the latest gossip on my condition. I couldn't face that. Chances are higher to be the former, though, so I want to see. If only the faculty would let me install a peephole on my door! Things would be a bit easier, perhaps...

I reach the door and open it just a crack. In the corridor stands a young man with a slight smile on his face. My heart misses a beat, just once, and I feel a little relieved. Maybe it would have been better for me if he'd not come at all. Then again, I'm finally out of bed. I try to hide my hunger pangs and thirst (I have snacks and water in my room to keep me going anyway – after the previous years I've learned preparation is key), as I watch his face through the opening.

We're both silent for a while. I'm waiting for him to speak, lost at the same time in my own thoughts. Hisao doesn't say a word, however, and I can only assume he's waiting for the same thing. We each expect the other to begin our conversation, yet neither of us can bring ourselves to do so. Eventually I move away from the door, wondering what he must be thinking now – does he believe I'm simply leaving him out there, about to shut him out again? If so, I must be surprising him now, as I pull the door open a bit more.

He can see me fully now, my pink silk dressing gown, my hair still damp from the shower. I can't help but wonder why he's really here? I don't want to speculate, but after yesterday I feel like I can barely talk to him. Not because I don't want to. This is one of my rarer moments in these troubled times, when I feel calm and lucid. My tears have run out, my nightmares are limited to when I sleep, and now I'm awake I can look around me and try to come to some semblance of normality. I'm not saying it's not difficult. It's tougher than anything else I've ever done. But I've been fighting this for half my life, and now with Lilly and Hisao I feel like maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get through it. At least, I felt that way until yesterday morning, and less so when I found out that Lilly would be leaving for a fortnight. I still don't know Hisao well enough to deal with this so easily, as if it was ever easy, and I know that right now, we just don't really have a clue what to say to each other.

Hisao steps inside my room and closes the door behind him. I fiddle with my gown, weaving my fingers in the folds in my nervousness. I realise he's not going to say anything, and in a moment of clarity that surprises even myself, I speak instead. "Why..."

A simple comment, but it's enough to break a fragment of the iceberg building between us. "Because... uh... I uh... I... um..." He sighs as he finishes stammering. His speech now is worse than even mine at my worst. He continues: "I don't know. I just... wanted to see you, I guess."

I stop fidgeting and look up at his face. The look of concern, coupled with the worry and hint of surprise in Hisao's face, warms my heart a tiny bit. I feel a little better, and smile, nodding just once. "Um..." I start, "since you're here..."

How can I say this? Maybe we can get some degree of normality here. "I'd like to... play a game of chess with you..."

I've finally let him in. It's taken me so long, the build-up crumbling to pieces at the slightest provocation, but it was worth it for this moment. "It would be my pleasure," comes the reply, with a smile to match my own. I fetch a board from the cupboard, one of my very few personal possessions, and set a game up on the floor. The smiles continue as we start to play...


	17. Act 3, Chapter 6: Plaster and Porcelain

**Act 3 – Chapter Six: Plaster and Porcelain**

It's the night of the party, sort of, to celebrate the one day I don't feel like celebrating. Not to mention Lilly's going-away, which I'd rather not be reminded of. Even so, I find it hard to stay depressed. I'm with friends, and I feel like I'm finally recovering at least somewhat from the other day, when I had the breakdown in class. I still haven't returned to lessons, but maybe tomorrow I'll be up to it. Possibly. It depends a lot on what happens tonight, and although I've heard stories from Lilly I haven't experienced so much myself the kind of fun that happens when Akira turns up to an event. Lilly told me she probably wouldn't be coming though, since she wouldn't be able to get away from work and make it here in time. Still, it'll be nice to spend some time with Lilly and Hisao together, and in a rather ironic twist it will, definitely, help me focus less on the hardest day of my year.

A knock on the door drags me away from my thoughts, as Lilly calls out, "Is that you, Hisao?"

"Yeah, it's me," comes the reply, and I rise to unlock the door and let him in. He enters as I quickly return to my place on the floor opposite Lilly, smiling briefly at him as he walks in. Hisao locks the door behind him, without needing to be asked. Rather perceptive really. He sits on the floor between us, on one side of the low table where our evening tea is already set up. I can't help but notice him steal a few glances at the plain brown bag next to Lilly, but if he can tell what's inside he doesn't give it away. Which is a shame, really. I have even less idea than he does, and I'd like to know myself, but if Lilly doesn't want us to know yet then I guess it's her decision.

"Hey, Lilly?" asks Hisao. She finishes her own drink before replying in the affirmative. Hisao continues, "I was just wondering about that brown bag..."

How cheeky he is! I wouldn't have dared to ask of my own accord, but Lilly smiles a little in a playful manner, in the direction of his voice, before answering. "That would be Akira's present. Unfortunately she said she was working and can't join us." Nevertheless, she reaches a hand into the bag and feels around a little before pulling two long necked items from its depths.

"Wine..." I comment, realising now why Lilly was so adamant about the door being locked. She must have known already, considering she knows full well what Akira is like (more so than I do, naturally). The bottles are full and still sealed, one red and one white, as she places them both on the table between us all.

"Alcohol? Seriously? Are you sure this is a good idea?" I'm almost surprised that Hisao would be so considerate of the rules at Yamaku, more so than Lilly, who fails to hide her apparent joy as she laughs at the 'present'. A present for who exactly?

"These would be the presents from my sister. I know it's a bit questionable, but a little shouldn't hurt." I know that Lilly has had alcohol before, she mentioned to me once that she's occasionally partaken the odd glass with a meal, but now I'm starting to think she wasn't being entirely honest. She seems far too happy that Akira decided two bottles of wine would be an appropriate present for a soon-to-be eighteen year old. Maybe if we weren't in Japan, it would be fine, but if the faculty were to find out, missing lessons would be the least of my worries.

Unfortunately, Hisao also seems a bit eager to break the rules. I'm hardly a stickler for following the rulebook, certainly not to Shizune levels, but there are still limits. "Well, in that case, I won't complain," he says. "They don't look bad, either."

I have to concede, he has a point.

"Shall I open one?" asks Lilly, leaning forwards.

"Sure," Hisao replies, "I'll get some..."

BANG. BANG. BANG. Sorry, that was the best way I could really say it. I think. Three loud knocks suddenly come from Lilly's door, shocking us enough that I swiftly turn my head to see what's happening, while Lilly closes her eyes (not that there's much need, I guess) and listens for any further sound. "Who is it?" she calls. A familiar voice answers with the slightest, barest hint of a Scottish accent.

"Lemme in, I'm cold!"

Lilly sighs in a sort of defeated, yet pleased, resignation, raising a hand to signal myself or Hisao to open the door. I rise and unlock it, not one hundred percent certain but still reasonably happy that the intrusion is from someone friendly, not the staff of Yamaku. As the door opens, a tall, blonde woman walks in, not so far into her twenties, wearing a dark suit that does little to enhance her feminine features. "Happy birthday, Hanako," she greets me with as I move back to let her in.

"Th-thank you... Akira..." I bow slightly and smile at her weakly, happy to see her but also a bit nervous in anticipation of how the night is likely to continue. At least, according to Lilly's stories. Apparently Akira is a bit of a hard drinker, and the wine she provided is likely to help us along the same path tonight, albeit with a lower level of tolerance on our parts. We walk back to the table and take our seats, Akira sitting opposite Hisao.

"It's nice to have your company after all, Akira," says Lilly. "Did work let you off?"

"Yep." comes the reply. "I have to go back there in a bit, but I managed to get enough of a break to drive down." As she speaks, Akira has a slightly odd look on her face, kind of pouting but endearing at the same time. When she finishes talking, she looks over at Hisao. I'm not sure what Lilly has said about him to her sister, but whatever has been mentioned I'm a little nervous, even if that's rather irrational. "So... this would be Hisao, then?" Maybe we should have warned him actually. Akira takes informality to new levels. Maybe it's the Western influence in her upbringing. While Lilly has clearly taken the Japanese influence and embraced it, Akira has always been more forward and happy to take a... less traditional approach to interacting with people. Regardless of the impression her suit gives.

While Hisao nods in response, Lilly directs her own comments to directly to him. "Sorry for not introducing you, Hisao. This is Akira Satou, my elder sister."

"I see. Nice to meet you." Upon hearing Hisao's reply, Akira claps her hands together loudly, making me jump a little. It's enough to make Akir hesitate, a small miracle in itself, before she carries on in her usual stride.

"Well then, I assume the presents got through?" Got through what? Yamaku isn't exactly renowned for its airport-like security and constant border patrols. "No point in waiting, considering Hisao and the birthday girl look like they're pretty eager."

I wince a tiny bit at that word, though no-one seems to notice, and glance at Hisao. Opposite me Lilly giggles, while Hisao turns away. He's not exactly great at hiding his feelings on things, which for me is both a blessing and a curse. I suppose if he does feel anything for me the way I hope he does, however naive my hopes may be, I want to know, and yet I want it to stay hidden. Maybe he can hide his feelings after all, or maybe not and I'm just clutching at non-existent straws. The wine is a different matter though, as he seems a touch embarrassed to have been caught so easily in his desire.

Our eyes meet, and I can tell Hisao is just as keen to try the wine as I am. For my part, though, I'm particularly interested in trying it with him. Maybe he can tell, maybe I'm not so good at hiding things as well (though years of experience suggest otherwise), as he quickly changes to a look of indifference that does nothing to fool the female population of the room. I rise to look for some glasses, while Akira uncorks the first bottle, and Hisao pours the four servings with white wine. I'm not certain Akira should be drinking, given she mentioned she was driving, but as nobody else mentions it I stay silent.

"Here's to Hanako, and to Lilly's trip," Hisao says, as we raise our glasses in toast. "Cheers," we all call, though my own cry is punctuated with my usual stammer. We take sips of our wine, which has a remarkably fruity and sweet flavour. Apparently Hisao likes it as much as I do. "This isn't too bad," he says. "I was expecting something... harsher."

"If you hadn't liked it, I have a few other varieties you could have chosen from." What does Akira mean by that? Did she bring even more wine with her?

"You sound like you know your stuff when it comes to wines." Hisao speaks with a tinge of admiration, which again brings with it that mild pang of envy on my part. Those feelings still surface occasionally, but they're becoming less so now. Maybe I'm starting to realise, subconsciously, that it really is irrational of me. In a way I suppose on that level I'm just clinging to the idea of someone actually caring about me, whether I deserve it or not.

"Only a bit," Akira replies. "I'm more of a beer kind of person." To be fair, her appearance suggests that more than it does the whole 'wine connoisseur' personality. "I have the drinking side down pat, though." She refills her drink as she speaks and takes a long sip. So long that when her head finally comes forward again, there's not a trace of wine left in her glass.

I steal a look at Lilly, who doesn't seem impressed. It doesn't stop her from gently sipping her own drink, though. "Anyway," she says, "now that Akira's gift has been opened and sampled, shall we move on to ours?"

"G-gifts?" I shouldn't be too surprised, given what Hisao told me on the day of my breakdown, about his and Lilly's trip to the city. Nevertheless I wasn't really prepared for this. I suppose I'd just put it to the back of my mind.

"That's right, we got you presents. It's your birthday, after all." Again, no-one notices me wince as she says that, but to be fair it's a bit less noticeable anyway this time. "This is from me," Lilly continues. She hands me an ornately wrapped package that looks a little like a long, thin lump. I carefully take the bindings off, to reveal a beautiful doll in a green dress. It looks so beautiful, and I say as much to my closest friend. I turn it around as I speak, taking in the intricate detail and the hand-painted features that make it stand out so much. It's the perfect companion for my collection.

"I'm glad that you like it," Lilly replies. "Hisao picked it out, to be honest."

With this new revelation, I feel my heart stop again, picking up after the briefest of pauses. In a way it's slightly apt that Hisao, who has trouble with his own heart, should evoke the same reaction in me, even for such different reasons. "Y-yes, I like it. Th-thank you, Lilly and H-Hisao." It's a bit of an under-reaction, really, as I don't merely like this present. Before I can reaffirm my happiness, though, Hisao chimes in.

"Actually, I got you something else..." He reaches down into his bag and pulls out another gift, something bit larger and a lot flatter than the doll. "Here. Happy birthday." I start to unwrap it, again taking the utmost care not to damage whatever is inside. I realise what Hisao has bought me when I notice the oh so familiar and comforting sight of squares of black and white beneath the paper.

"Oh!"I exclaim in delight, running my fingers across the smooth surface, when I push a hidden catch or trigger that opens up a slot on the side of the board. Inside, I take out a piece at random. The white queen. Maybe it's a sign, but then again I could just be seeing things that aren't really there. For a white piece, it's not as bleached as one would think, its hue holding more of a greyish tint, though the black pieces are dyed like jet. I glance upwards at Hisao without actually querying this, but he answers my unspoken question anyway.

"They're coral. Natural coral, undyed. Or so I'm told." I can't believe this. I've never been shown so much kindness by anyone, especially since the accident. They say that there's a trigger for most things, some point of focus that acts as a key instigator for people's feelings, or motivations, or their lives in general. I don't know how true that is, but this would certainly count as one for me, if such things are to be believed.

"Thank you, Hisao..." I can barely speak, my words come as a whisper. He must have heard me, though.

"No problem. It's your birthday, after all." And for the first time tonight, when hearing that word, I don't shy away.

"That's right... my birthday..." I can't avoid hesitating, but the natural instinct for me to avoid the whole idea of my... my birthday... is noticeably less now. For the first time I feel like I can finally get through these days without breaking again.

I look around me as I close the board. Regardless of my own feelings, my own happiness increasing tenfold and more now, Akira seems kind of wary, as if she fears saying or doing the wrong thing. Maybe Lilly told her what happened the other day, which I wouldn't blame Lilly for. Hisao is watching the others as intently as I am, though he doesn't hide it the way I do. Lilly's eyes are still closed, a faint smile on her face. A male voice rises before I can consider what Lilly ma be thinking, though. "I'll have to play you again sometime."

Another natural instinct jumps into action before I can consciously hold it back. "I'll... make sure I play you first..."

I lean against the bed, finally happy and content. Surrounded by my friends I feel as if nothing can stop me, and I can finally get by and start to recover from my demons. I've all but forgotten the impending departure of both Lilly and Akira, though their trip will be short it seems like a distant dream for me. I clutch the chessboard and the doll to me, treasuring them and holding them as if they were a part of me. Maybe they are, in a way. Symbols that, whatever I may think in my darkest moments, I am not alone. "Thank you, Lilly. Thank you, Hisao."

The silence continues, but as I thank my friends I drop the queen on the floor. A quick scramble to retrieve it, praying in my head that its not damaged, and I set the doll and the chessboard on the floor beside me where they'll be safer. In my nerves I take a longer sip of my wine, then another, then a larger gulp, just to deal with the tension created within my own mind.

"Hey, easy there, you shouldn't drink it that fast..." Hisao looks at me with concern and moves his hand to ease my descent into inebriation. Lilly takes a slightly dimmer view, however, her tone suggesting him to be something of a killjoy.

"It is a party, Hisao..." Nevertheless, there's another edge to her voice that I easily pick up on, one of concern. I ease back, though not by much, while after a small pause Lilly starts to drink a bit more. She takes a different approach, however, with lots of small sips as opposed to a few larger gulps. After another pause, Hisao starts to follow her lead.

"Since this is kind of a going-away party for you as well, I hope you enjoy your trip at least a little, Lilly. Hopefully your aunt will be okay."

I follow Hisao's sentiments, concern driving my words as well. "I-I hope your aunt is okay too, Lilly..." With this, I can't help but notice a flash of surprise on the faces of all present. It's not too shocking to my mind, though. I may not have any relatives, any surviving at least, but that doesn't mean I can't wish others and their families well. To do any less would be an insult, I feel. To my own family, and to theirs.

"My my, thank you both," Lilly replies. "I'll be sure to convey your thoughts to my family when I meet them."

"It'll all be fine in the end, Lilly. Don't worry about it." Akira takes a less sentimental view, but behind her words I can still feel a sense of worry. Lilly wears her heart on her sleeve, at least a lot more than her sister does, but there's still a hidden edge that comes out on occasion. In contrast, Akira hides things a lot better, but beneath her hard exterior there's still a softer side. Yin and yang, I guess.

The mood is certainly a lot more depressing now. The conversation has dried up, what little there was to begin with, and we're lost in our thoughts. Maybe he's trying to get things moving again, maybe he just wants to cheer us up, but Hisao is a welcome distraction when he reminds us of our other obligations here. "Well then, shall we start on the cake?"

"Y-yes, please..." I have the advantage of knowing more than Lilly does in this situation, it seems. I didn't miss out on seeing it surreptitiously hiding in Hisao's bag when I let him in earlier.

"Cake?" she asks. "I didn't know there was any cake..."

"I picked one up before I came," says Hisao the Resourceful, "along with some snacks."

"Well done, Hisao. At least one of us remembered to bring one." As Lilly speaks, Hisao retrieves the cake from his bag and begins to cut it into slices. It's chocolate, which I suppose will go well with the wine. We stop talking for a while as we all eat.

* * *

It's starting to get late, and my head feels a little bit woozy. Not in a bad way, more like I feel a bit dizzy but I can't remember why. I think I know what it is though, the wine, as I try to pour myself another glass and end up with half of it on the table. Not the floor though, the carpet is safe from the wine attack... we'll have to wipe it up from the table though which doesn't matter quite so much... "S-sorry, Lilly..." I say, feeling bad about the accident. "I didn't mean to make a mess... I..."

"Don't worry, I've got it..." Hisao comes to the rescue, yet again, wiping up the spill. He's had a bit less to drink than me. I wonder if it shows? Lilly pulls me into her arms, lovely and soft and warm, and gives me a big hug as I worry about the spill.

"It's okay, Hanako. I'm just happy you're here." I nod in response, happy as well, but still worrying about the wine staining the carpet. It looks fine to me, though. Was it the white or the red I spilled? I can't really remember... Lilly's arms feel nice, though. Like a big sister, maybe...

We pull away after a while, as Hisao continues to mop up and Akira looks on with a faint smile on her face. Lilly reaches for the other bottle, and I take it from her and uncork it, pouring two more glasses. I guess I'm mostly to blame for the fact the other bottle is almost empty, my head definitely feels like it is. Akira notices as well. I think.

"Looks like you're enjoying the wine, then," she says. "Just don't go too crazy with it after this, mind." We all nod and agree, but I don't really feel like taking it easy. Tonight is about making sure I have happy memories, and the wine is helping to no end with that. I'm already laughing at lots more things, everything seems a lot more nice and fun and I'm not thinking as much about the darker things that I usually think about when I'm getting nearer to my birthday...

I play with the doll Lilly got me, idly twirling my fingers around its hair, happy to be with my best friends. A hiccup later and suddenly the doll is on the floor, on its side. Maybe I've had a bit too much. Maybe. I can't help but feel really tired, though. Perhaps I should go to bed? I think so, maybe. I'm sure the doll would want to as well, if she could talk. I don't think she likes being on the floor too much.

"I... think I should maybe go to bed. T-thank you, Hisao, thanks Lilly and Aaaakiraaaa..." I try to avoid the long drawn out drawl as I say Akira's name, and fail miserably. It's such a nice name, though, I want to keep on saying it. Akira. Akira. Akira Akira Akira Akira Akiiiiiira. I guess I giggle a little, but I don't really remember. Hisao could probably tell me...

"Here, let me give you a hand." As Akira gets up I cough a bit. Maybe I'm a bit more drunk than I thought. It was nice wine, though, fruity and fun.

"Hisao, would you please?" Lilly smiles when she says that. Does she know something I don't know? I think she does, she knows lots of things I don't know. Like English, or Braille. Or how to be a student representative. Or how to get around with a cane. Or how to drink wine without being tooooooo drunk. I know things she doesn't know though. Like how much I like Hisao...

"S-sure," he says. "No problem." He picks up the chess set he bought me while I pick up my doll, and give him my other hand. I wobble as we walk out to the corridor. Wibble wobble. Like jelly. I wish we'd had jelly, I've never had jelly at a birthday party before. Chocolate is nice, but it doesn't wobble like jelly does. I keep bumping into Hisao, making him wobble as well. We're like two big jelly towers wibble-wobbling into the hall. I don't want to drop the doll, though. I wish I wasn't quite as much like jelly as I am now.

When we get to my room I turn to my shelf with my other special doll, and make a space carefully. As carefully as I can while I'm wobbling around. That's another word I like. Wobble. I place the new doll with her companion, saying "There you go... you'll be safe in here..." I step back, stumble a little and regain my balance just about. I don't think I like being like jelly any more, if I fall over I won't be able to bounce back up. I look down and start to sway a bit.

"Are you... going to be all right?" Hisao's still here. I want to do something now, but I don't know if I have the courage. I'm still drunk though, so my body does it for me as I stumble forward straight into Hisao's arms. This is nice. Better than a Lilly hug, and that was nice too. I put my arms around Hisao too and stay there for a while. He doesn't hug me back though. I'm thinking it's not like a Lilly hug at all now. It still feels nice but not as much as I thought. "Hanako..." he says. I don't want to let go though. I want him to hug me as well, and then it'll be a lot nicer and he can stay here with me while I sleep and we can be silly little drunk people together, even if he's not as drunk as I am...

"But I want to staaaay with you and Lillyyyy."

"You know I can't. You're a girl and I'm a guy, after all, and Lilly needs to sleep." Awwww, I don't want them to go to sleep though, I want to stay up late and have more fun with my best friends, and I want Hisao to stay with me alllllll night. "Don't worry," he continues, "I'll see you again tomorrow, okay?"

He puts his hand on my head and I take advantage of that, pushing myself closer to his chest. I hope he doesn't have a heart attack now, that wouldn't be very good at all. I can feel it beating and I try to listen, pressing my ear against Hisao's chest and trying hard to listen to the sound, but I can't hear much at all now and I think he moved back a little bit. I don't want him to move though. I'm nice and comfy now. I have a lovely pillow who doubles as a very very nice boy and I get a bit annoyed as he starts to push me away.

"I don't want you to go..." I tell him.

"Hanako, please. Akira and Lilly are going to start thinking weird stuff if I take too long here." What weird stuff? I think I know... did Lilly know? Or was she just imagining things? I wouldn't mind imagining things too... but I'm all sleepy and I can't stay focused on imagining what I want to imagine and what Lilly might have imagined and whatever Hisao thinks they might be imagining. I imagine. Hic.

I don't... I don't want you to go, Hisao...

"Sorry about tonight, Hanako. I know you probably won't remember any of this, but... happy birthday. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you." I look up at Hisao as he speaks, and his eyes are the last thing I remember before I finally fall asleep. My dreams will be happy ones tonight, if I can remember what I was trying to imagine that I think Lilly imagined...

Actually, let's not go too far into that. Some things are a bit more private than others...


	18. Act 3, Chapter 7: Not So Swift Recovery

**Act 3 – Chapter Seven: (Not So) Swift Recovery**

I wake up with a sore head and a dry mouth. My eyes hurt a little, not from lack of sleep (the complete opposite, in fact), but more from a general ache all over. I've never felt so bad. Nausea hits me as I struggle to lift my body out from under the sheets. My memories of the party are still slightly fuzzy at first, but soon begin to sharpen...

My memories! I suddenly realise, as I try to hydrate myself with gulps of water from the tap, just how foolish I was then. Not wanting Hisao to leave... it's true that I wanted him to stay. I was so clingy towards him that I realise how stupid I must have looked. The embarrassment mounts while I prepare myself for school. I can't miss class today, not again. It would be too suspicious. I don't exactly feel like going, truth be told, but for once the reason is purely physical, rather than mental. The hangover isn't quite affecting me, not like before, but I still don't feel up to the task. Even so, I have to make the effort.

Even though I feel so bad I still feel the happiness from the party. As if I don't have to constantly feel like my life is worthless, as if I don't deserve the things I want or like I don't deserve to have people who care about me. Lilly, Hisao, Akira, they all came and helped me enjoy a time, for once, that has always previously been nothing but misery. Though I know that after today, and especially when Lilly has gone to Scotland, I'll revert back to those old feelings, I know that it's nice to have something good to hold on to, however temporary. It gives me hope.

I'm among the first to class, despite the headache, and take my seat in silence. Mutou-sensei is already here, marking papers and preparing for today's lessons. I contemplate reading through some of the week's material so as to remain ahead, enough for the coming days, when the door opens. I look up, startled, to see a familiar figure who, I suspect, may also be suffering as much as I am.

We make eye contact, before I turn away and stare straight down through sheer nerves. I wonder what he remembers from the party? I dread to think...

By now the rest of the class has been pouring in steadily, including the aforementioned Misha and Shizune. They look across at me as I try to avoid everyone's gazes, but I give no sign as to my current state of recovery. There's no telling what they would do with that kind of information. Over the noise of my fellow students, I hear Mutou's voice, "Feeling better today?"

I'm startled, fearing what he knows about yesterday, until I hear Hisao reply, "Yeah. Thank you." I'm not sure if he's talking about that, or something else, but as long as nothing specific is mentioned I can probably rest easy. Nevertheless, I'm at edge all the way through morning lectures. When the lunch bell finally rings, my suspicions are made all the more worrying when Hisao turns up at my desk.

"Hanako... did you tell...?" Did Hisao have the same thoughts I did when he was asked how he was feeling? I shake my head in response.

"It's just..." I start.

"Just...?" Before I can answer Hisao, a slightly large pink mass materialises behind him, with a smaller purple creature at the side.

"Well hello there, Hicchan. It's nice to see you again today!" Her voice sounds curiously happy, even by Misha's standards. I'm not normally suspicious, save when it comes to my natural distrust of people's overtures of friendship, but Misha has me a little concerned now. Does she know about the party? The smile on Shizune's face reminds me of the Cheshire Cat, which only serves to fuel my feelings of doubt.

It appears that Hisao has the same thing in mind. "Hi Shizune, Misha. You, uh... you look happy to see me." I can sense the paranoia creeping into his voice, as much as an overreaction that may be. Or possibly not, given who we're now dealing with. Shizune's eyes are almost twinkling like a character from an anime, her smile frozen in place. She continues to smirk as her hands fly faster than I've seen for a long time, as though she's excited to get her message across as quickly as possible.

"Not feeling well yesterday, Hicchan...?" Misha translates, her own smile evolving to match that of her companion. I'm relieved, but not by much. Something still smells fishy here, and despite the hour it's certainly not anyone's lunch. Does he not know?

"No," he replies, "no, I wasn't. But I'm feeling better now, at least."

The hands start moving again, the translation coming just as swiftly. "That's good to know, Hicchan."

"You sound like you're not being completely serious." I'm happy to hear Hisao shares my suspicions, though my gut instinct tells me that I'm about to be drawn into something here, and completely against my will.

"Oh no, Hicchan, we're genuinely pleased that you're all better now..." I know what this is about...

"In fact," Misha continues, "we were quite worried about you. After all..." Please don't say it...

"You, Hanako and Lilly were all absent from class on the same day."

I drop my eyes to the floor as Hisao lets out a large sigh. Shizune has us bang to rights, and there's precious little we can do about it. I look up at Hisao and notice him staring at Shizune, looking directly into her cat-like eyes. "I guess you have your own theories about this. Could you just kinda... not tell anyone?" I get the feeling his hopeful attitude is much too little and much too outdated. Misha is, of course, glad to confirm my fears in that regard.

"It's a bit late for that, Hicchan..." I sink and try to make myself look as small as possible, as I consider what my conscious mind had previously kept from me, ostensibly for my own protection. The looks I received from people entering the room, the same looks levelled at Hisao as he made his arrival afterwards. Even the hint of concern in Mutou-sensei's eyes as I took my seat and began to read the course work, his voice as he asked Hisao about feeling better. I already knew, and was moments from telling Hisao before the president and her eternal assistant turned up, but it doesn't make the revelation to him any easier for me to deal with. Maybe I was naive to think we could keep it hidden, or contained, but I was hoping that if people noticed then at least they wouldn't care.

"The only reason why we're giving you such a hard time is that you ignored us yesterday morning!" The latest translation from Misha is a surprise to me, more than anything else revealed today. They went to his room? The pang of jealousy I've been trying to keep hidden starts to surface again, though only for a few brief seconds. No, the bigger concern is that he ignored them and went back to sleep, or so I assume.

"Oh right, the knocking," he says. So he did hear them, then. "That was you two?"

The grin has finally been wiped off Shizune's face as she signs a response, translated as ever by her pink curly cohort, though I can't avoid the sneaking thought that her indignant expression is as carefully manufactured as her smiles. "It was, and you left us there for ages after we'd taken all the effort of coming to your dormitory early in the morning."

I'm almost proud of Hisao, as much as I can muster the strength of mind and ego to possibly be, at the fact he was able to (with zero effort, literally) get on Shizune's nerves for once. It's not that I don't like her, but it's still amusing to see her nose out of joint over something so petty, even if it does mean she has a hold over us for whatever reason she can imagine. I may not have the courage nor the mind to do such things myself, but a girl can still dream. Besides, Lilly would certainly be pleased. "Sorry, I was having a... problem with nausea? A problem with nausea."

I take that back. Of all the things he could have said, a problem with nausea is the first he can come up with? However accurate it may be, it won't do a thing to alleviate the suspicious minds of Misha and Shizune.

Dropping her head regardless, Shizune reaches into her pocket and pulls out a slightly crumpled piece of paper. Looking closer, I see that it's an envelope, with a sunflower motif, which she hands to Hisao. "This is what we were trying so hard to give you, Hicchan! You don't check your mail very much at all!" This explains why they went to see him yesterday, then. I don't want to be nosy, the envelope is none of my business, but I can't help but read Hisao's face as he takes it in. A single word escapes his lips, while his features register a touch of sadness and concern.

"Iwanako."

Iwanako? A name... I look at the people around me. Both Misha and Shizune are looking at Hisao with trepidation, as if they expect him to open the letter right now and read it aloud. I know that my own expression is a little more confused, though I actively make an effort not to show it. I want to know who this person is, the jealousy rearing its ugly head yet again and refusing to go down this time. However, I know that it's not my place to ask, not directly. That said, I still repeat the name in a meek voice, my curiosity too much for me to contain.

"It's nothing." Hisao's comment is abrupt, and it's clear he doesn't want people around him as he looks at whatever is inside. "Thank you for bringing me this, you two."

"I should think so, after what we went through to get it to you..." Misha's bubbly voice betrays her minor annoyance, however put-on and cutesy it may be, as Hisao says his goodbyes and leaves. There's still quite a bit of the lunch hour to go, and though we remain standing as he goes our interest is doomed to be unsatisfied. I choose not to follow him. After all, I know exactly what it is to keep secrets...

After a short while, I too take my leave. I don't really want to spend my lunch with Misha and Shizune, if only because I'm worried they'll start grilling me on why we were all absent from class yesterday. I don't think I'd be able to take it. Anyway, Lilly is probably waiting for us.

My guess is proved correct when I arrive at the tea room. Lilly tilts her face up in the direction of the creak as I gently close the door behind me. "Is that you, Hanako?" She's learned over time how to tell the exact sound I make whenever I close this door, a remarkable skill to have.

"Y... yes, it's me." A brief moment of silence passes, before I clarify, "H-Hisao's... not with me. Um, s-sorry."

"It's fine," she says, with a smile, much sweeter than any Shizune has made so far today. "You don't have to apologise for his absence. Though, I wonder where he is?"

I quickly explain the previous events, and about the letter Hisao received. "He wouldn't tell you what was written?"

"N-no, he didn't... he didn't open it near us. He must h-have waited until he'd l-left..."

"How curious. Still, I suppose it's best left to him to decide if he wants to share its contents. From what you've told me, it looks as though it's rather personal, and we shouldn't interfere."

I can only agree, and affirm as much to Lilly. "He... he skipped yesterday as w-well. I d-didn't know you did t-too..."

She laughs, just a little, as her cheeks turn a faint shade of pink. It reminds me of how she looked the other night, after the first glass of wine. "I must confess, I'm as guilty as you and Hisao. I didn't think the wine had affected me that much, but it seems I was mistaken. I didn't wake up until midday yesterday."

The unspoken implication, of course, is that she would have aroused too much suspicion if she'd suddenly arrived half a day late to a lecture. She continues, "I heard Misha in the corridor this morning, on the way to classes. She called my name, but I did a rather mean thing. I pretended I couldn't hear her!" We both begin to laugh, full belly chuckles as Lilly finishes speaking.

"I... I'm glad you're okay..." I continue smiling but with a tinge of sadness. I don't want Lilly to leave, though I understand she doesn't have a choice. She seems to understand my concern.

"It's only for a week or two, no more. I'm more concerned about you..." I don't deserve such concern, but the joy of the past couple of days (hangovers aside) intervenes and allows me this moment. "I actually had something in mind..."

"W... what?" I don't know what this 'something' is, but I get the feeling that it's something Lilly might have thought up in an attempt to make me feel a bit better. I only say that because of the way the conversation has segued onto the new topic of concern for me.

"It's something I thought of on the night of the party. Hisao's already agreed to it." Is she saying that because she knows if Hisao agreed, I'm more likely to? She still hasn't fully explained herself. "How would you be up for a little trip into town...?"


End file.
